He is HERE!

Elliott Joseph Borchert

April 28, 2011

11:52 pm

8 lbs. 2 oz.

Birth story to come soon...it's a good one :)

Never Say Never

I've never been this pregnant.
I've never felt this full. 
I've never felt this ready.
I've never felt this awkward.
I never thought I'd make it this far.

Just goes to show, never say never.

Difference 9 Weeks Makes

I have been lucky to do 2 belly casts with my pregnancies. 

The first one I did was when I was 28 weeks pregnant with Amelia.  This one has been displayed proudly in my home for the last 4 years.

I wanted to do one with Seth and Libby, but they were both born before I had the chance to do it.

Right before we moved to Texas, my dear friend, Heidi, gave me a belly casting kit making me promise I would use it.

So, at 37 weeks, Jeremy and I did the belly cast.

I was shocked to look at the two casts next to each other and see the difference 9 weeks makes in a pregnancy.

Our bodies are amazing aren't they?  I am so grateful that my body can and does grow and change to have these sweet babies.  So blessed indeed.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter friends. May we all remember the sacrifice that was made for each of us and the glory and promise of the Resurrection.

Silence

Drawing in

finding silence

feeling you moving inside.

Wanting peace

searching for quiet

needing to be alone.

The days of you and I

are coming to an end,

at least in this way.

This chapter of our lives

is almost done.

So in this time

I seek solitude

I listen

I talk

I prepare

for your birth.

My Angel

Today, the girls and I had to run some errands.  When we got in the van, I plugged in my iPod, and turned on Billy Joel.  I hit shuffle, and the first song to come on was Lullaby.  If you don't know, this is my song for Emma.  It is the song I listened to non-stop for a month after she died.  It is my Emma song.

I haven't heard it in a while and today while driving, it played twice.

I miss her.  I miss having her here.  I miss being able to take care of her grave.  I miss visiting her.

But, today I feel her so close.  I know that she is here when my babies are born.  I know that she is close and helps to usher in her brothers and sisters as they come to the world.  I know that she is my special angel who lifts me up and gives me the strength I need when I am in labor.

I love feeling her Spirit so near, but I miss her so much it just hurts.  It is bittersweet for certain.

I wish when I told people that I have an 8 year old daughter that it was true. I wish that when people looked at my family they knew that this was my 5th baby, not my 4th as it seems to the outside world.  I wish I didn't have to add the disclaimer to people who will see us a lot, that this is my 5th baby, but my 4th living.

I am just missing my girl so much.

Sweet Angel ~ be with me while I labor.  Be with your baby brother while he works hard to come into this world. Give him a kiss and tell him it's time to come to Earth.  I promise I will love him just as I love you and your brother and sisters. I promise to teach him all about his big sister who loves him so much.  I promise to raise your brothers and sisters to know you, to know Jesus and to know of the miracle of Easter that lets us be a forever family.
I promise these things.  Just don't leave me. Stay close while I work to bring your baby brother into the world. Stay close, let me feel you, and know that I love you more than I have words to express.

Love, Mama

I Will Not Say Bad Words

On Monday Seth came home and very proudly told me,

"Mom! I know what the bad word is that you and Dad don't want me to know".

"Oh really? What is it?"

"A-S-S"

"Oh buddy, that is a bad word, but not the one Daddy and I were talking about"

"A-S-E?"

"That isn't a word.  How did you learn that word anyway?"

"Me and some other boys were saying all the bad words we knew at lunch today".

Cue inward groan...why am I sending him to public school again? Oh yeah, because I am about ready to POP with his baby brother.  Ok, Kim, stay calm, talk to him or he won't ever tell you anything again.

"So, what words did you tell?"

"The sh one, the one that starts with sh and ends with it, and the d word"

"Yeah, I know what the sh word is, you don't have to tell me all of it. What words did you learn?"

"Well, that one I already told you and dick."

"Ew. Do you know what that is? It is a mean word for a penis"

"Yeah, my friend told me that it meant penis at recess".

"Bub, you really shouldn't be talking like this, you know that right?"

"yeah"

"I am going to have to punish you for this.  It is not okay to say bad words and I don't ever want you to do it again".

"I am ALWAYS the one that gets punished.  If I am being punished then the girls need to be punished too.  It is not fair!"

Then the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth began, followed by stomping off to his room telling me I am the meanest Mom ever and that he is never coming out again.

So, I called Jeremy.  What do I do?  What kind of punishment is good for this?  I can't wash his mouth out with soap because it will just make ME puke.

Have him write sentences, Jeremy suggested.  YES!  Bart Simpson will write sentences!

He had to write "I will not say bad words" 20 times.  My favorite part is that he turned it into a song at the beginning.

This kid...he is giving me a run for my money.

**Disclaimer** I know that he did not learn bad words in school.  This has nothing to do with him going to public school.  That was just my first thought, that is all.  I know where he learned the words...from me ;)

To My Daughter

After telling her to get dressed, she comes running out of her room in a lemon yellow skirt "The twirly one you made for me Mama", and a brown shirt with teal, pink, purple and green butterflies on it.

She brushes her hair and puts in a headband and clips in her bangs to hold them back.

She throws on her favorite shoes, her dirty purple flip-flops, and does a spin.

"Don't I look beautiful Mama?"

Her hands are always marker stained from the hours she spends drawing, coloring and creating daily.  She has chewed her fingernails down to nubs, and her hair is like mine - thick, coarse and very unruly.

She rides her bike without abandon.  She never walks, she dances.  She loves with all her heart and soul.

She hasn't realized yet that clothes and shoes should match.  She doesn't know that hair should be neatly brushed and styled.  She doesn't understand that marker stained fingernail nubs are not attractive.

She is 4.  I wish I could go back to 4 and never learn the so-called social fashion faux pas that I now know.

I wish I could love myself the way she loves herself.  I wish I could get dressed in whatever feels comfortable and think to myself, "I bet everyone will think I'm the prettiest girl they've ever seen today", just like she does everyday.

She is a princess in every sense of the word.  She loves life with such zest and freedom and I love her for that.

Don't ever change my darling daughter.  Stay so happy, sweet, loving, kind and free.

 

As we walked to get Seth from school today and you rode your bike with your skirt flying in the wind, this was my wish for you.  This is my wish, today and always, that you will always be true to yourself and remember how beautiful you are.

My Weekend Plans

A lot of my friends are in New Orleans this weekend.

I am a little bit jealous...but not too much. 

I would LOVE to go to Mom 2.0, it is a conference that sounds like it is right up my alley.

BUT, I think I might have more fun this weekend at home than they will in NOLA.

Maybe I'll have a baby.

Maybe I won't.

But, I am going to have fun with my 3 hooligans and enjoy them as much as I can before this last hooligan comes to our home.

I am going to enjoy every kick, move, hiccup and contraction (yes, contraction) of this, my last pregnancy.

I am going to go to a baby shower (for ME!) and laugh and giggle with my new friends.

I am going to enjoy this weekend, knowing that it may be (and hopefully is) the last weekend before I have a baby.

So, I may not be at Mom 2.0 with LOTS of my friends eating great Cajun food....

But, I am going to have fun anyway.

Tell Me Your Challenge and Enter to Win an iPad2

Shirts were piling up. Old t-shirts from concerts, band trips, high school, college...they were EVERYWHERE!


While they are great for shop towels, and cleaning rags, some are cool or cute and I didn't want to get them dirtied up or ripped to pieces.

See, I'm a sentimental type. I love to keep things for-ev-er. I still have the pants and shirt that I wore on mine and Jeremy's 1st date.  I should not wear these things anymore, in fact they don't even fit me, but I can't get rid of them!

What do you do with old clothes that don't fit or you don't wear and don't want to get rid of? 

I came up with a great idea, if I do say so myself :)

Stay tuned next month to read my Genius Tip on how I beat this challenge!  

Share your big design challenge with us below. For a chance to win the new iPad2, 'like' Kenmore on Facebook and let us know in your reply.

37 weeks.

Here I am. 37 weeks. This babe could come any day now and just might. Jeremy figured out that my average birth date is 38 weeks, 2 days.  That would be next week people!

Seth wants the baby to be born RIGHT NOW and he tells me this daily.  He doesn't understand how very little control I have over the whole thing :)

So, let's play a little game, shall we?

You guess when the baby will be born.  Give me dates, times and weights.  Whoever is closest will get a prize sometime this year.

I can't promise anything for at least a couple of months you know, I'm going to be busy with a newborn ;)

Me and my boys

So....here are some stats to help you out.

Emma: 37 weeks 3 days, 7 lbs 8 oz., 10:35pm
Seth: 38 weeks 2 days, 9 lbs. 3 oz., 4:59 am
Amelia: 39 weeks 1 day, 7 lbs. 15 oz., 12:06 am
Liberty: 38 weeks 2 days, 8 lbs. 2 oz., 5:25 am

 So, what do you think?  When will our newest little man make his grand appearance???

Also, due to overwhelming love of my skirt on Facebook, I thought I would give you a heads up about where I got it.

I made it.  I know, shocking.  When I was pregnant with Libby, I had a brilliant idea, to make myself some skirts with shirred or smocked fabric at the top.  I went to Joann fabric and found a few prints I liked.  I wrapped it around my belly to figure out how much I needed and had it cut.  Then I went home, sewed up the seam and hemmed it to the length I wanted.  That was it.  Really simple.

I haven't been able to find a great selection at Joann this year, but I found some I love at Hancocks.  If you order it online, just measure your belly and go from there.  Super easy and OH so comfy!

Angels

Days after Emma's death, I received this Willow Tree Angel.

This is called Angel's Embrace.  My nephew, who was almost 3, looked at it and gingerly touching the head of the baby said, Baby Emma.

I cried.

I cried a lot in those days.

******

I have a curio cabinet in my bedroom and it has sat empty since we moved into our new home.  I unpacked her hand and foot molds, her sweet hats and a few other trinkets that reminded me of Emma. But, other than that, it has sat empty.

Today, I opened it up and dusted off the shelves and opened my box of Willow Tree Angels.  I unpacked each of my angels and placed them on the shelf.  I have done this before.  We have moved several times in the last 7 years, so this is not something new.

However, when I got to this angel today, I started to cry.  I no longer thought of this being Emma when she died being held by an Angel, but instead, Emma holding her baby brother who is getting ready to come to Earth.

I thought of my sweet girl who is there to see off each of her siblings and cousins as they are coming into the world.  I thought of my sweet angel who is there to meet her Great-Grandparents and one day Grandparents as they leave this world.

I thought of my darling daughter.  My first born.  The one that first made me a Mother.

I thought of her heart and how she must feel watching us here on Earth.  How she must feel watching her brother and sisters get hugs and kisses from Jeremy and me.  How she must feel not being here, but knowing hers is a bigger mission to fill.

I wonder if she misses us as much as we miss her.

Letters to my Family

My Dearest Babies,

First off, I am sorry.  I am sorry that I am not the nicest person to be around right now.  I know that I have been yelling way more than usual and don't have any patience with any of you.

I know that I am not any fun to be with and can't get down on the ground to play games with you.  I am sorry.

Mama is really uncomfortable.  It is really hard to be pregnant and to navigate my way around all your JUNK all over the house.

I also hurt.  It doesn't help that I tripped and fell over all the toys in the girls' room this week, that kind of made it worse.

But, here is the good news.  With this bad mood of Mamas, comes her craving for all things junk.  That is why the pantry is now stocked with Doritos, Cheetos, Pop Tarts, Oreos and Popcorn.  You are welcome.

Please have patience with Mama because she doesn't have patience with anyone and I am sorry.

This will all be over soon, I promise.  This baby will be born and then I will be in an Oxytocin induced state of bliss.

I love you all.  Even when I am crying and being cranky and just not very nice.

I promise, I love you more than you will ever know.

Love,
Mama

Dear Jeremy,

Just wait. This baby will be here soon and I won't be the raging hormonal mess that you have to put up with right now.  I will be a different raging hormonal mess, one that has a baby next to her, not inside of her.  You know it gets better.

Thanks for hanging in there with me and enduring the end of my pregnancy well.  Because at least one of us should.

I love, love, love you.
Me

These Dreams

When I am pregnant I have the most vivid dreams.  Ok, even when I am not pregnant, I have really vivid dreams, but they take on a whole new life when I am pregnant.

Last night I had a dream about a guy that I had a crush on in high school.  I wrote him while he was on his mission for our church, and when he came home we saw each other once and that was it.  I never understood it and really, it broke my heart.

I thought in the last 15 years I had gotten over it. 

But last night...

Last night I had a dream that we found each other on Facebook and he asked me to marry him in a very sweet elaborate way. 

Trouble was, I was pregnant (love when truth seeps into my dreams) and he wasn't active in the church so I knew we couldn't get married in the Temple, something that is very important to me. So, I took the HUGE rock he offered and told him I needed to pray about it.

Then somewhere in that dream, I remembered I was married to Jeremy already.  How was this going to work?  How could I be married to Jeremy (the man I love and can't imagine one day without) and marry this guy who I used to really care about and was offering a really big diamond? (By the way, I hate big diamonds. I wanted a silver band when I got married, for real).

So, I woke up from my slumber because Libby was crawling into bed with me and I had to go to the bathroom.  When I woke up, I was praying.  I was actually praying about what to do.

I laughed it off, peed and went back to bed.  The dream continued (seriously, only when I'm pregnant!) and we were planning our wedding now.  I was trying to figure out what to do that weekend because I had a date with my husband (you know, the one I ADORE) and a date with this new guy.

Again, I started to pray.  And woke up to a kiss from my beloved telling me there was a smoothie in the fridge for me, and the dream was done.

This is not the first time I have woken up praying in my dreams.  I do it a lot.  I do it when Seth is having a hard time at school, when Amelia is struggling with getting along with others, when Libby won't sleep at night...

I wake up praying.

I like that.  I like that even in my subconscious sleep, I know that I can lean on my Heavenly Father and He will listen.  Even if it is about something completely fictional, and that gives me peace.

Summertime

It is hot here.

Like going to be 93 this weekend hot.  That is July weather in Logan and it is only April here.  We are in for it.

Everyday on the way home from school, Seth begs me to let him take off his shirt.

I am the mean Mom who tells him no, you have to stay dressed until we get home.

Tired of listening to his whining, we did something about the heat and this boy.

He is not as unhappy about this as he would have us think

We told him he could have a buzz.  He said he wanted his hair to look just like Daddy's.  I think we accomplished that, don't you?

My handsome boy

Daddy trying to make himself a "rug" of Seth's discarded hair.

Like Father, Like Son

Plus, now he will stop complaining about being so hot, and I can call him Pedro.

This and That

**Remember to go enter to win $25 from Fluffy Cheeks Diapers!!!**

You all are so good to me. I am so grateful for all the comments, emails and love I have gotten over the last couple of weeks.  To say this transition from home to public school has been difficult would be putting it mildly.

Just this morning, I had to negotiate extra Wii time if he would go to school without fighting me about it.  Turns out his teacher isn't the nicest.  At least he only has to deal with her for 2 months instead of 9!

I am tired of talking about this particular struggle...so I am done.  For now. Promise.

In other news...I am growing a baby, did I tell you that?  Well, I am.

Pay no attention to my dirty mirror.

He is really high and in my ribs most of the time....and hitting his head on my pubic bone.  It is fun.

If this kiddo follows the pattern of the other 4, he will be here within the next 4 weeks.

FOUR WEEKS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Four weeks...but with my luck it will be 6 or 7. Just seems to be the way things have been going lately.

Again...pay no attention to the dirty mirror. I can't clean it in my current condition

I can't wait to start exercising again. Taking cycling classes and weight lifting classes again.  I miss working my body in that way.  I just can't do much more than walk right now, and I am tired of it.

But most of all, I can't wait to smell a new baby, feel his soft skin, listen to his sweet baby noises, and kiss his sweet cheeks.

Even if I have to wait 6 weeks, it will be worth it.  He will be worth it, and I can't wait!