Tuesday, March 1, 2011

It's Not For Everyone

When someone says that I am Super Mom (stop laughing, it happens!) because I homebirth, cloth diaper, breastfeed for a looooong time, etc.  I tell them that the choices I make are the right choices for my family and they may not be right for every family.

If  a Mama tells me that she is resenting breastfeeding her 1 year old, I remind her that when it isn't good for both Mom and Baby, it's time to stop and that it is ok.

If a woman tells me that there is no way she could have a homebirth, I remind her that it is fine, no one is asking her to. 

I am all about empowering with education.  I want women, families, to make informed choices.  To know their options, know their limitations, and follow their heart-gut to make the best choice for their family.

So why is it so hard for me to take my own advice?

Why, when I know in my heart that homeschooling isn't working, is it so hard for me to give up?

Why do I feel like such a failure, when I feel that I need to follow my own advice?

Why is it so hard for me to say that homeschooling isn't right for my family right now?

I don't know why, but it is. 

Seth is going to be starting public school in 3 weeks.  We will finish up this week of school, next week we are going to Kansas City for our Spring Break and the next week is the public school's spring break.  After that, he will be going to 1st grade with the rest of the neighborhood and be in 1 of 7 classes.

I have loved having him home.  I have loved teaching him and watching him learn.  But right now, at this season in my life, I can't do it all day everyday.  I have to get ready for this baby and I can't do it when I have 3 very active hooligans at my feet non-stop.

He needs friends.  He needs to get out of the house (even though he will be the first to tell you that he isn't ready to go to public school yet).

It's not for everyone...but I thought it was for me...and that makes me very sad.


nicole said...

Isn't that one of the great challenges of motherhood (life)? Knowing something is the right thing for us, but still feeling sadness that what we thought would be right isn't? I have felt this so many times. I will pray that you will be filled with peace in these next three weeks as y'all prepare to take this next step.

Elaine A. said...

It takes a strong person and Mama to admit when things aren't working out and it's OKAY. I think homeschooling is really cool and somtiemes I REALLY wish I could do it, but I know ME and there's no way. Hang in there Momma, I'm sure he'll flourish at public school!! Thankfully Austin has pretty good schools! xo

Heather said...

As someone who has homeschooled and then sent her kids to public school, I totally understand. I think that you know what is best for your family and for Seth. He may be unhappy that he is going now, but in the long run I am sure that it will be good for him. I remember sending The Chicken to school-I was so upset but I knew that I just wasn't getting through to her and what made it worse is the fact that her older sister was doing just fine.

big (((Hugs))) to you my friend.

Pocklock said...

((HUGS)) I think you're fantastic and whether your homeschool or not isn't going to change that. You have had a ton of change in the last few months and it's okay to want to make a move that will help ease the next big transition - welcoming your new little one.

Thinking of you.

Kira said...

You know what? I was a public school teacher before I had my kids and I know that there is no way I could homeschool my own children. I love them. I love teaching them - but they need the break from me just as I need the break from them. I feel horrible admitting that - that I need time away from them, but I do. They are happy kids. They have friends. They love school. While no situation is perfect (we have had teachers we did not care for and the influences of other children that I wished we could have avoided), I look at each of those as another opportunity for learning.
Bottom line is, you are doing what is right for you and your kids. What is "right" changes from day to day as everyone's needs change. But for right now? You are doing what is right for all of you.

Stephanie said...

sending my ((love hugs))

Heather said...

I'm going out on a limb here Kim, its not really about homeschooling is it? Its about feeling like a failure. You set a standard, and you feel that you have fallen short of that, yes?

I'm sure I (or someone else) could wax long about the growth and learning that comes from these sorts of situations, but I suspect you know all this stuff.

BUT, I feel for you. Its no fun to let yourself down...regardless of the reason. BUT, time heals most wounds. I sincerely hope in a years time you can look back on this and feel a sense of peace about the choices you & hubby have made regarding this.

Kirsten said...

You know what? I have trouble taking my own advice too. But if you feel that in a year or two that life has calmed down enough, you can always try again.

mommabird2345 said...

You are an amazing mom. Like you said, you are doing what is best for you and your family at this time. You are NOT a failure. I'm sure Seth will do great in school and probably love meeting new friends. Are any of his friends from church at the same school? If they are, maybe telling them Seth will be going to the same school will be something for him & his friends to look forward to. You are a great mom. Enjoy this time preparing for your little bundle of joy on the way. *HUGS*

Courtney said...

we can always look at others with sound logical judgement when advice is needed but when we have to do that to ourselves we dont. dont you worry we all do it and I totally understand your feelings!

you better bring some warm weather up from Texas when you come to KC, I am over this up and down weather!!

Arianne said...

Oh babe. I know this. We homeschooled for a miserable year, then they went to public school, now we're back to homeschooling. The key is to never get stuck in something that isn't working just because we don't want to admit failure (and usually it isn't actually failure - we just FEEL like it is).

I think we are all working out what this life looks like, and it's so different for everyone. Things are working right now, but with each child, each year, I think it's a whole new re-evaluating time. You're so brave to go with your gut when maybe everything else is telling you not to "quit".

Praying for you. <3

Cheri said...

I know you approached this idea in the first place with prayer and that now, you are making this new decision in the same way. You are Jer are amazing parents and you have incredible kids. They will flourish in any environment because they have stability and love at home. Don't try to second guess yourself or doubt your choices-when the Lord is in your every day and every decision, you can't go wrong. In the months to come when the fog has lifted, your decision will be made clearer to you. HE knows the plan and the future-just keep on keeping on....loveyou sweetie...

Morgan -Ing said...

It takes a strong mama to decide to do the "Right" thing for her child when it's very very difficult. Good for you. And public school isn't a permanent thing either. If you want him home later, then bring him home. No stress.

Nicole said...

Just remember this is a decision for right now. You can change your mind later.

I know you, you are a super mom. :) Don't let anyone (especially YOU) tell you anything different!

truedaughterofmary said...

Homeschooling isn't for everyone - so true. I have been doing it for 12 years, and many days it just isn't for me, either. I kind of feel trapped into it now.
Your boy will need to adjust, but then he will make a friend or two and have a blast! And I keep hearing that TX is so family friendly - I bet you'll be feeling at home there in no time. Blessings, Megan

Steph said...

Only you can know what is best for your little ones. And I know what a good, kind, and loving mother you are. You always put your kids first and I have no doubt that you are making the right choice about sending your little man back to school. Don't even beat yourself up for a second.

kmfm said...

You are a rock star Kim. For everything you do and for everything you notice. Way to keep yourself and your family healthy!