Redemption

On Monday I completely lost it.  I melted down.  I was a weeping, sobbing, yelling, cursing mess.  It was because I lost my keys.

Ok, not entirely because I lost my keys.

This tends to happen to me every so often.  I get so stressed out and just bottle everything up.  I pretend like everything is fine and then I just explode because there is no place to bottle it up anymore.

Seth has been fighting with me when it's time for school.  My Mom was visiting and, while I know she's not judging me, I felt like I was on display for the terrible homeschool Mom that I feel like I am.

I was stressed about helping him learn about ancient Egypt and subtraction and language and trying to keep the girls occupied and out of the way so he doesn't get distracted, and trying to be everything to everyone.

Finally, we were done with school.  I was exhausted and ready for a break.  We were going to go to the store.  Not a huge outing, but an outing none the less.

I couldn't find my keys.

They were no where to be found.

My frustration over the lost keys was compounded by the fact that we are still living out of boxes and there were boxes everywhere and kids toys scattered and books, and I couldn't walk two feet without my jeans I was wearing giving me a wedgie and tripping over a lego or sword or barbie.

I lost it.

I took away every single toy I could find.

All 3 kids were screaming and crying.

I huffed and puffed up the stairs and dropped it all in my closet to the chorus of, "No Mommy!!  NO!!!"

Then I changed into my yoga pants.

I sat down and started to sob.

I am tired.  I am pregnant (did you know that??) and I am overwhelmed with life.

It was one of the worst parenting moments of my life.  I did not hit anyone (I don't do that), but I was not nice.  I yelled, I screamed, I cried.

Then, I hugged each of them and told them they could earn back their toys if they cleaned their rooms.  We all started to calm down.

They went outside to play.  I sat down to calm myself.

My keys were found.

We went to the store and my Mom bought the kids new books.

I got some new items for homeschool and we all decided that we would try harder tomorrow.

And, lucky for me, I got a tomorrow to try again.