Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I had a good day. I eat.
I have friends or family visiting. We eat.
You want to know what there is to do in my town? I'll take you to my favorite places...to eat.
See a pattern here? Me too.
I eat and I feel terrible after. I eat cookies, brownies, coconut milk ice cream (YUM!), chocolate chips, nut balls (disguised as healthy, but I know they aren't), granola bars, pie, cupcakes...whatever I can get my hands on that contain sugar...and chocolate.
I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.
I read her words this morning and with heavy heart, realize that my eating isn't much different than her drinking.
It consumes me. What am I going to eat? When am I going to eat? Who am I going to eat with, or how can I hide it from Jeremy?
I know it's not healthy, but I don't know that I am strong enough to do what I need to to change it.
I justify in my brain that it's not like drinking, because you can avoid alcohol, you can't avoid food.
My friends say it's not healthy to deprive yourself of sugar. Chocolate makes everything better. You just had a baby, give yourself time.
Maybe if I could stop at one bite...but I'll eat the whole thing and still want more.
Bigger than I've ever been, more uncomfortable in my skin than I've ever been and I am scared. I am scared of changing. I am scared of making that commitment.
More than anything though, I am scared of failing. I am scared of failing...again.
I am linking up with my dear friend Heather, and her Just Write Challenge. Join us, won't you?