Tuesday, March 29, 2011

This is Killing Me

Seth loved Kindergarten.  He loved his teacher, his friends, the things he was learning.  He did fabulous and had fun.

First grade came and he was thrilled, so were we.  He got into the new charter school right around the corner from our house.  He could walk everyday and excelled beyond all of our expectations.

Then the curve ball came for our whole family.  Our future was uncertain, we had no idea where we would end up.

When Jeremy got the job offer in Austin, Seth begged me not to make him move.  He begged me not to take him out of his school.  He begged us not to make him leave his very best friend, Holden.  He cried, he bargained, he threatened and finally, he accepted.

After much prayer, we decided to homeschool him to help with the transition.

What I didn't realize was that it was only going to be the right answer for a while.  It got beyond difficult.  I couldn't keep up anymore.  I struggled, I prayed, I bargained, I cried, and finally, I accepted.  He was to go to Public School.

To say this transition has been difficult would be an understatement.

He begs me every morning to please not make him go.

After school he tells me he had a good day.  But after dinner, it is a different story.

Last night he came to me in tears telling me that he just doesn't think this school is the right place for him.  He doesn't have any friends in his class (yet), he doesn't understand the Math and when he asked his teacher about it, he said she just "blew up" at him.

Now, I know he is very vulnerable and sensitive right now.  She could have been frustrated about anything, or just a little irritated and spoken to him with not the nicest voice in the world and he would think it was blowing up.

BUT, she could have also been really frustrated with him and really blew up at him.  I don't know.

I emailed her and we are meeting next week, that will be good.

But for now, I am hurting for my baby boy.  It is so hard to tell him that sometimes we have to do hard things and that is just part of life.

While I tell him he has to stick it out for 2 months, I am also telling myself the same thing.  Two months and then he is mine again, and I can have him home to play and help me all day long.

What do you do when your kids are really struggling with something like this?  Something that you know is the right decision, but is so hard.  How do you do it?  I need help please.


Ann Imig said...

My heart goes out to you guys. It will get better. It will.

He is probably greiving the loss of his old life. I think it's a good sign if he says things went well after school. Approaching bed time--when he is so tired and more vulnerable--he probably really misses his old comfort zone.

Meeting with the teacher is a great idea. Does the school have a good social worker? You might work out a game plan with the teacher where Seth can go hang out with the social worker if he gives a little signal or something.

Tasha Lehman said...

We're going through some of the same things with our boys. New town. New school. Our oldest has decided out of the blue that he doesn't like school anymore. I have an appt with his teacher as well. Really hoping we can figure it all out. I don't have any answers to give but I wanted to say I know what you're going through! Hang in there Momma!

drewzepmeister said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tender Heart Bear said...

I have gone through the same thing with my kids. It is not easy for kids to start a new school. It was harder for my youngest. She would try to say she was sick and wanted to stay home from school. My daughter has very very low self-esteem for herself. This makes it even harder for me to get her to go to school. She thinks everyone is picking on her all the time.

The decision you made was for the whole family and you had to do that for the family. He will be alright just let him know if he has a real bad problem at home he can call you. He will not call you but knowing you are there for him that will help him out. Also try to get his friends address or phone number so he can some how talk to his friend. These are just some ideas that I have done for my kids.

Simple Midwest Mom said...

Kim that's tough and we have been there. In the past year my 9 yr old had to deal with his dad working in a different state for 6 months while we awaited for the house to sell (plus we needed me to continue working to pay for 2 homes) and then when we were reunited my husband was transferred 5 months later. Thankfully, we were able to move with him that time. My boy and I both learned a lot about dealing with anxiety and trusting in the Lord. It warmed my heart when one day he said you know Mom maybe we're like the Israelites. We think we have it really good here but moving again may be where God wants us and maybe it will be our promised land. WOW! He taught me a thing or two that day! My advice? Keep the communication lines open, memorize scripture on transition and God's promises, and pray!

Kirsten said...

Mine experience is just the opposite. All my kids have gone to preschool, but we do the school-at-home bit. Kindergarten has been the hardest year because they miss all the fun and interaction of being a part of a classroom. When you talk to the teacher, find out if there is one kid that he may be playing well with and see if you can't get together with that family for a morning at the park or something. Something to include the new and old ways of life. ((hugs))

Heather said...

I remember when I transistioned from home schooling to public school. For my older daughter in 5th grade, it was a breeze. But for my younger daughter in 2nd grade, it was so hard. she would cry in the mornings and she would beg to stay home. The teacher was very understanding and compassionate and we worked together. In the mornings she would have special jobs to help out her teacher. So we would tell her if you can't help Mrs. S....then who will. It got to be rocky when her teacher's husband had a massive stroke and she was out for the last part of the year, but she did adjust once they got a long term sub in there. She had friends and enjoyed school, but she really missed being at home with me. It helped that after school we would spend some one on one time together, but she was the younger one, while he is the oldest at home, so it might be more difficult. Is Jeremy home every night with his job? Can he & Seth do something to celebrate a day well done by both. It could be something as simple as a bike ride around the block or game of catch in the yard, but it may help.

Praying for him and for you my dear.


Stephanie said...

Meredith's very wise teacher made a two-way promise with us at the beginning of the year. She said, "You don't believe everything you hear and I won't believe everything I hear."

Very wise advice from a first-grade teacher of nearly 2 decades. Remember back to your childhood days and how you misinterpreted many things adults said (Super Why here anyone - "pizza paper")and also the many ways they acted.

One more thing - Seth is Heavenly Father's child also - he knows all of Seth's needs, wants, and desires. As long as you are following the promptings of the Spirit regarding what Seth needs, all will be well. Now, of course, this is easier on some days and harder on others, but it's all about the lessons we learn on the journey...lessons not only for yourself, but for Seth as well.

tawnya said...

I WISH I had the answer. But you know that. I hate the hard things. Hate. Hugs, love. I have nothing to offer except prayers and love from afar. You guys will make it. It will get easier. I know it.

Beth said...

I think setting up some "play" dates with some of the boys in his class would be a good idea. Have them come to the house or take them to a movie (or anything). He needs to spend time with them outside of school to solidify the friendships. Then the school part will get a lot easier. Make sure to keep it up during the summer so when the new school year starts, he will still have been in contact with them throughout the summer and won't lose that bond. I try to do that with my kids a couple times a month. Sometimes it isn't convenient or practical. Sometimes I don't feel like making the effort. But I know it's important for them, no matter what age (my girls are 14 & 12). Most of the time I enjoy it and we have a lot of fun together. If he feels like he has friends, the rest of the school stuff will get MUCH better and he'll be able to let some of this stuff roll off his back. He's probably so sensitive to everything someone says or does right now because he's unsure. I'd start with the friend situation first and I think the other stuff will fall into place.

Hoping with all my heart that things get better for him soon...for both of you. It has to be so hard to make him do something that neither of you want him to have to do. I will be praying for him...

megan and darin said...

oh man poor seth. i can't give you advice. first of all, because i have no idea what that is like, or what to do. second of all, in our relationship you are the advice giver. i am the advice taker. :) but i will pray for you. hang in there. things will slowly but surely get better.