Friday, January 29, 2010


I have taken a lot of pregnancy tests...a lot.  There is something about peeing on a stick and watching it do something that is just so fun!  Every time I have peed on said stick, I have wanted the same thing, to be pregnant. 

Only a few times have I gotten a response I didn't want.  But it never took long and I got the two lines, or the plus sign, or whatever the almight test deemed a positive answer.

This week, however, I got an answer I didn't really want.  Not yet at least.  I am tired, I have mentioned this before.  And, while I know I am not done having babies, I also know that I just can't handle another right now (or in 9 months).

So, when I took the Equate (Walmart brand) pregnancy test yesterday and it came back positive (faint line, but still positive) I cried.  I cried because I just didn't think I could handle this.  I told my husband, 3 good friends and my Mom.  My folks were ready to move out here to help me, one friend came over with cupcakes and Dr. Pepper.  I started to feel ok about it.

This morning I went to the doctor.  I had an appointment for my yearly exam and to get an IUD.  The irony was not lost on me at all.  I told her that I had taken 2 tests yesterday and they both came back positive, so they did another test.  This one was negative. HUH?  She then had blood drawn to check my hCG levels.  The lab was super fast and the results came back within 2 hours.  Negative.  My hCG levels were at like a 2 and to have a positive pregnancy test they have to be at 100.  HUH???

I have always thought that you could get a false negative, but not a false positive.  I have taken another test, this time a fancy schmancy digital one that says, "NOT PREGNANT".  Ok, starting to believe it...but what if???  To say this has been an emotional roller coaster is an understatement. 

So, it looks like I'm not and really I am happy.  I want to get in shape, I want to be healthier, I want to get some sleep before having another baby.  I want need to be in a better place, emotionally/mentally/physically/spiritually, before I get pregnant again.  So really, this is a good thing, really.

But there is a part of me, a small part, that is a little disappointed.  Because really, who doesn't love a baby?

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