Saturday, July 25, 2009

What It's About.

I am sitting at a table with a few ladies I know in a room of strangers. We are all listening to several bloggers read selected posts. I have been laughing, and holding them in my heart. I am tired though and my feet ache and my baby is asleep on my chest. I am getting hungry and really I am ready to be done.

The Emcee introduces the last blogger to share with us. My heart skips a beat, I know I won't get through this one without tears. I know I will be crying when she is done. I am prepared for this.

Heather Spohr
gets up and talks about the kindness of her internet family. All of those who have left comment after comment, sent food, gifts and prayers. All of those who have wrapped their real, and virtual, arms around she and her husband as they have had to do the unthinkable, live without their daughter.

Our stories are so similar. Beautiful girls with amazing blue eyes taken suddenly, oh so suddenly. Becoming pregnant shortly after the death of our daughters. Having broken hearts and subsequent sleepless nights. Learning to walk this broken path of grief now compounded with pregnancy hormones. Having to say that this is not your first pregnancy and getting the strange looks when they don't see a toddler hanging off of your side. The heart that has a big fat hole in it that can't be filled, but starts to be a little by this new person.

As she spoke, I was taken back 5 years 11 months and 1 day. That is how long Emma has been gone. I was taken back to the food, money, prayers, phone calls, emails, posts on my due date forum, all from women I only knew through print. Women that held me in their hearts.

The internet truly is an amazing thing. I have made some of my best friends here and have received some of the most tremendous support from you, my dear friends.

To some people, the internet is a strange place. Not everyone completely understands the power of the internet. When Emma died, I had women that I'd only met online rush to my side. When Heather's little Maddy died, the same happened for her. It happens over and over and over. We pray for those who are hurt, sick, suffering and in need of comfort. We stand by each other. We try to right the wrongs that happen. We support each other.

This is what it is about. As I sat there with tears in my eyes, my dear friend looked at me with tears in hers. She knew this would be hard and understood my tears. Everyone has a story, everyone has a heart ache, we just need to listen to find out what it is and how we can love and support.

This is why I love blogging and why I love each of you.


* said...

What a moment, the tears, the connecting, the understanding. Blogher sounds like it was a divine gathering. {{hugs}}

Erin said...

Oh my, what a beautiful moment. I really felt the kindness and love of the online community after Tommy was born. It blew me away to scroll through all the tweets and blog comments from people I've never met who were SO excited to celebrate his birth with us. Just amazing

Unknown said...

Aw we love you too! Its so true the online community can really offer a lot of support, I know so many of you have made me feel loved too!

Maggy said...

Prairie Mama, this is my first comment (I think...). I found your blog through AbeSaves.<---I love them so very much. One day I was just browsing and your writing and photographs are what drew me in. You do have a great talent! I hope that one day, we could even be blog friends :) I admire the strength that you and your family has through all that you've been through. Thanks for the posts, keep em' coming!

kmfm said...

your cute Kim! I am so glad I get to be your online friend AND your real live Logan friend! I miss you!

Anonymous said...

It has been an privilege being your "internet" friend. One day we will get to meet in person!!!!

*huge mommy hugs*
Kym this day I still have Emma's picture on the mirror on my bedroom dresser.

Stephanie Precourt said...

Oh, Kim. I don't even know what to say. But I love you. ? : )

ZDub said...

I love this post so very much.

Hugs to you.

Heather of the EO said...

I just feel so honored to have heard you read this to me right there in our hotel. It's lovely. Just like you are.

Miss you

Sarah said...

Kim, I am so glad Miss Libby decided to try and swallow a bead and gave us the chance to meet! It was nice having that sweet little girl of yours around to gawk at while my little men were at home. You were so much fun to talk to and I am just ecstatic to find a kindered spirit in some ways.

Kristen said...

Sitting here with tears in my eyes reading this. I was so impressed with your strength when I met you at BlogHer (you gave me the "nursing" chair to sit in at Paula Deen). Thank you for sharing your story. I can't even begin to imagine what you have gone through losing your sweet baby. Your strength, faith and courage to go on and to be open and honest about the pain is inspiring.
The family that I was mentioning to you who lost their baby, Cora, suddenly is If you read back to this past December/Jan you'll get a glimpse of what they've been going through with their loss.
Oh, and since then, I've become familar with Mckmama...such a heart breaking story that I pray will have a great ending.

Ayway, thanks dear! I look forward to reading more.

Deb said...

you are a blessing and have the biggest, sweetest heart. thanks for wearing that gorgeous little goddess around town all weekend. she (and you) made me so happy.

and thanks for sharing this peek into your beautiful soul with us all.

Unknown said...

Oh Kim!! You are one amazing women and soul. I feel so friggin' blessed that we met and that Libby of yours...she is a light straight from heaven that one. You know I hate babies :-) so you can imagine how shocked I was when I met your baby girl and I fell in love with her.

Thank you for sharing your soul with me - a stranger but also soon a friend I hope - your story and your strength are an inspiration to me as I wonder how I would ever be able to keep living....but you have and you do and your grace is tangible.

You. are. awesome.

Now kiss that baby for me will ya?


Christy M. said...

This post is beautiful and tugs at my heart. I'm so very sorry your lost Emma. So sorry. I wish there was something I could do to ease your heartache, but I know your heartache is part of your love for your angel.

I'm so glad I was able to meet you and get to know you. You're everything I knew you would be and so much more. Your smile is amazing. Your attitude is lovely. Libby was a dream come true. And I cannot wait to see you again.