Friday, January 23, 2009

Very Funny Friday

Ok, maybe I'm not very funny, but the other ladies who are participating in this blogging event (not a carnival, it's an EVENT) are funny, very funny.

So, here is my funny story. This is one of my favorites. My darling son is the curious sort. He really could be named Curious George.

You have to realize something about me. I am one of those Moms. You know the ones who call things what they are? My kids talk about penises and vaginas like hands and feet. It's no big deal. They know what they are, and that is great. But, when it comes to telling them what they're for?? Well, that's another story.

One night last spring, I walked into the bathroom while he was having his bath. I had just gotten his sister out, dried off, lotioned up and ready for bed. Now it was his turn. So, I walk into the bathroom and hear him saying, "poppin' peoples, poppin' peoples" and he was playing with his testicles. I looked at him and said, "Buddy, what are you doing?" He said, "MOM! I have these little BALLS down here!" (he was very excited!). "I know you do sweetie, let's wash you now". "But MOM! These BALLS they are so COOL!" "Yes honey, I know, now stop". "Mom, what are these called?" "Those are your testicles baby" "What do they do?"

Ugh. I don't want to have the sex talk, he's only 3! Granted he's a very bright child, but I really don't think he needs to know what his testicles do at the tender age of 3. So, I do what any smart parent does, I change the subject.

"Let's get you washed sweetie. What do you want for snack tonight? Do you want to read Skippy Jon Jones tonight?" Really, anything to get him to stop "poppin' peoples".
I get him out of the bath uneventfully and into the living room to get ready for bed. I come in the living room and he's at it again! "MOM! These balls are so cool! What are they called? Testiples? I wanna POP THEM OUT!"

At this point my blood ran cold. Could he really pop them out?? What would that do to my sweet child? ARGH!
So, I very calmly, told him to STOP! "But, Mom, they're COOL! Why can't I pop them out? What do they do?"
Frustrated with this child who is trying to disfigure himself, I said what any smart Mother would say, "Talk to your Dad, he has them too".

"Dad? What are these testiples? Why can't I pop them out? What do they do?" The questions came running out one on top of another. His Dad (my smart husband) very calmly answered them, "you can't pop them out because it would hurt really bad". "But DAD, what do they DO???" He was getting a tad frustrated with us by this point. Jeremy waited a couple of minutes and said, "huh?"
Seth looked at Jeremy, looked at me and said, "I don't know".

Yep, we're good at the whole distracting business. I just hope we can keep distracting him for a few more years. I am SO not ready to have "the talk".


Mommy Bee said...

Thankfully DS didn't get to the 'what are they for' until he was 7. I told him they make sperm--and he knows that daddy gives mommy a sperm to make a baby. He has no idea how that all works (*whew*)
I tend to stick with the truth, but keep it as vague as possible...and not offer additional information unless/until they ask for it. For a long time he was content with "that's a testicle".

TopHat said...

You probably could have honestly and "safely" said, "They help your body grow." Since the testicles are the main testosterone factory, when your boy hits puberty, it'll be true that they'll help his body grow. :)

Carey said...

Oh my goodness, I have tears in my eyes from laughing! I have one daughter, no sons, so I've never experienced these hysterical things that little boys do. Wanting to pop them out! That's priceless...

Lolli said...

Oh so classic! I can't wait for you to tell him that story when he's 13. :)

Mama bee said...

That's so funny! He's a smart little one.

Doodle had taken to bringing me a tampon every time I sat on the toilet. I had to explain that I only need them sometimes, and that I'd tell her when I need one.

Then she offered one to J the next time he was on the toilet. I was laughing myself silly in the other room listening to her insist that yes, he did need one while he was explaining why papas don't use tampons.

Kids are so fun.

Herb of Grace said...

Oh my, I am soo dreading the day this comes! Hope my little monkey waits a few more years than yours! Distraction is a mommy's best mode of defense, I say!