Friday, January 30, 2009

Mid-Winter Blahs.


I've got them, do you? It's that time of year again. Holiday celebrations are well over and it is cold, gray and just down right yucky outside. Sure, I've got my birthday to look forward to (February 11, mark your calendars!) and Jeremy's birthday and Valentines Day...oh wait, we don't celebrate Valentine's Day dangit. So, just two fun things next month.

What?? The Mom 2.0 Summit that I won a registration for? Yeah, I'm not going. I know, I know, you're sad for me. I'm sad for me too. Funny story. Ok, not really funny, but here it is anyway. I was so excited, scheming a way to get to Houston to be warm and learn from some amazing women. I was getting ready to leave this ice box for a whole weekend, just me and the babe. Then, The Mr. says, "When is this conference again?" I told him February 18-21. Turns out he has to go out of town that Thursday and Friday for work. And since I have no one here to watch the older two hooligans, guess who is staying home? Yep, that's me. I'm still pretty dang heart broken about that one. I am sure that when he is gone, the children and I will be eating pizza and ice cream and brownies just to soothe my troubled heart (and to try to forget about all the partying going on that I am missing out on). Oh, but the nice part in all of this? The AWSESOME coordinators of this great conference felt so bad that they offered me registration for next year's conference. I am SO going. And, I am trying to convince my Mom to come with me. She can play with Libby and I can go learn TONS. We'll see what next year brings though.

So, where does all of this leave me? With the mid-winter blahs. I haven't had much writing mojo and that's not a good thing. I really enjoy writing. It is a great outlet for me, always has been. It allows me to express myself and to feel like someone is listening to me (even if they never are. I swear my voice must sound like the wind the way my kids listen!). It is my escape. So, you can understand why not having the desire to write is bothering me.

Oh, and I suffer from depression. Specifically Seasonal Affective Disorder. Yeah, so when there is an inversion and the weather is cold and cloudy and I don't see the sun for weeks..that is really not a good thing. In fact, it is a really bad thing. Every January it hits me like a ton of bricks. I haven't left the house for non-essentials in days. And by that I mean, just to take Libby to the Doctor, to get our new camera today (total essential, ours was dying a very quick death), and to go to Best Buy tonight to get a new memory card for the camera. Now, I didn't want to do the last one. I had to though because JD (what I like to call the man) ordered it online and put my name down to go pick it up. Now, in all fairness to him, he did ask me if I wanted to go pick it up today and I said yes thinking I would. Blah, I just never know when I will want to go somewhere, or just hole up in my house with my kids. So, even though I didn't want to leave, I did anyway. It was nice to be out of the house by myself...but I was really happy to come home, throw on my jammies and nurse Libby to sleep.

Where was I? Oh yes, depression. I get distracted very easily, even more so when I am in the midst of the darkness. My house is a mess, I haven't had sugar for 4 weeks, I am not losing weight like I would like to despite my best efforts, and I am just feeling like crap.

So...if my blog posts are less than stellar these days, you will forgive me yes? While I know I don't have to write everyday, I need to. I need to do something to help combat the sinking feeling I have inside. I am not reading many blogs right now -- all part of the depression -- so if there is something really important going on, email me ok? Things I used to love, not so much right now. So, while I may not be reading a ton of blogs, I'll be back in full force soon. As soon as the sun starts to shine and the Earth begins to warm.

Until then, I will keep on keepin' on, and you may just get a bunch of pictures of my cute kids from my new AWESOME camera.

Later peeps.

9 comments:

Jen said...

What happened to the registration you won? You aren't able to send it to a friend who actually lives in Houston...are you?

Michelle said...

Oh, my. Call it divine intervention. I just happened upon your blog this morning. It was like you were speaking to me. I'm glad that I'm not the only one with the winter blahs....I've got them bad!! It's too cold here in WI.

Thanks for being so honest with us! I'll be back again soon!

Beth said...

I used to live in MN, and I would get the winter blues too, my mom bought a "sun lamp" that simulates the sun and would make me sit in front of it, it helped....but it also made me feel really crazy.

TopHat said...

I love how your list of "essentials" that you leave the house for don't include groceries. I haven't gone grocery shopping in weeks because that means I have to find energy to cook! Yeah, we had fast food last night...
I've been feeling similar, though, especially with not knowing what to blog about. I have come to love Friday Fill-ins because it's an automatic post. :)

Mama bee said...

I've got the blahs too. I really REALLY want to get outside and DO SOMETHING, but with snow and ice and cold and blech I just don't want to. *sigh* I say we load up the kids and go play in the snow up the canyon...somewhere we'll get sun. Let me know if you're in the mood, and we'll go play.

Monica English said...

Yep, I know the yuck, down blahs. I'm okay ... today ... but I never know when they're going to hit. When the weather is warm there is so much more opportunity to just get out and recharged. It's so easy to seem the perky, upbeat mother on a blog, isn't it. It's pretty easy to keep your demons to yourself when you're only letting people peek at the aspects of our lives that ARE good. Big, huge cyber-hugs, friend.

*Lissa* said...

I am about neck-high in the blahs and it sucks. I hope yours get better soon!

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I am so sorry you can't go, and hope that things start looking up real soon. They will- I just know it!

Steph

Michelle said...

Oh, man. I wish you could come down with the kiddos and spend the winter with me! The sunshine would do you good, and we would have a blast together (but you knew that).

I hope it starts warming up soon, and that the sun makes an appearance for you. I'm here for you, Kim.