He came to me in tears last night. "Mom, I'm scared. I don't want to go".
I know buddy, I am too I wanted to say.
Instead, I put on a brave face and say, I know buddy, you will do great though.
"I don't want the other kids staring at me".
I know. They will though. You are new, they want to know all about you, they are curious.
He breaks down in tears and climbs on my lap (what's left of it at least) and buries his head in my shoulder.
"Why can't I just stay home? Why can't you homeschool me anymore?"
He is breaking my heart.
"I wish I could sweetie. I really do. It just isn't working for Mama anymore. I am sorry".
Jeremy takes him and, in a flash of brilliance, gives him a half dollar and 2 gold pennies. He tells him to put them in his pocket and rub them when he is scared.
He is calmed down a bit and goes to bed.
This morning he gets ready for school. New KU shirt, camouflage shorts, coins in his pocket. He is ready to go. We have a family prayer and pray that he will do great, will be brave, and will have fun.
We drive to school. Before we get out, he asks to have another prayer. Again, we pray for bravery, strength, and to have fun.
He does great until we get to his classroom. the kids stare at him. He looks at me accusingly, "I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD. I AM LEAVING", he whisper shouts at me.
I look him in the eye and tell him to tame his dragon, I see the calm come over him as my heart is breaking. He goes to his desk, the other kids want to help him, but he thinks they are staring again, so he comes over to me, this time with tears in his eyes (trying to be brave) and we repeat the same scenario as before.
We have to go to the office to find out where he goes for specials. With 9 1st grade classes (!!!), his class is split, so we don't know which class he goes with.
While sitting in the office, he sits on my lap and again looks at me pleadingly, "Please Mom, take me home. I just want to do homeschool. I don't want to be here".
It is killing me. I want to say Ok sweetie, let's go home. This was silly. We can go get your backpack and go to the store, go home and bake cookies.
But, I don't. Instead I tell him,
"Seth, you are a Viking, remember? You are Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III. You are not afraid of anything."
I see him straighten up a bit and see the bravery come back into his eyes.
His teacher arrives at this time and that bravery melts away. He gives me a hug and whispers in my ear, "Please Mom".
I look at him and say, "Hiccup, go talk to your teacher about Dragons".
His wise teacher says, "Dragons? I collect dragons? You like dragons too?"
He beams, gives hugs to me and his sisters and walks off.
I watch him go, his hand in his pocket rubbing those coins, and pray he will have a fabulous day.