Monday, March 21, 2011

There He Goes

He came to me in tears last night.  "Mom, I'm scared.  I don't want to go".
I know buddy, I am too I wanted to say.  
Instead, I put on a brave face and say, I know buddy, you will do great though.
"I don't want the other kids staring at me".
I know. They will though. You are new, they want to know all about you, they are curious.

He breaks down in tears and climbs on my lap (what's left of it at least) and buries his head in my shoulder.

"Why can't I just stay home?  Why can't you homeschool me anymore?"

He is breaking my heart. 

"I wish I could sweetie.  I really do.  It just isn't working for Mama anymore. I am sorry".

Jeremy takes him and, in a flash of brilliance, gives him a half dollar and 2 gold pennies.  He tells him to put them in his pocket and rub them when he is scared.

He is calmed down a bit and goes to bed.

This morning he gets ready for school.  New KU shirt, camouflage shorts, coins in his pocket.  He is ready to go.  We have a family prayer and pray that he will do great, will be brave, and will have fun.

We drive to school.  Before we get out, he asks to have another prayer.  Again, we pray for bravery, strength, and to have fun.

He does great until we get to his classroom.  the kids stare at him.  He looks at me accusingly, "I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD. I AM LEAVING", he whisper shouts at me.

I look him in the eye and tell him to tame his dragon, I see the calm come over him as my heart is breaking.  He goes to his desk, the other kids want to help him, but he thinks they are staring again, so he comes over to me, this time with tears in his eyes (trying to be brave) and we repeat the same scenario as before.

We have to go to the office to find out where he goes for specials.  With 9 1st grade classes (!!!), his class is split, so we don't know which class he goes with.

While sitting in the office, he sits on my lap and again looks at me pleadingly, "Please Mom, take me home.  I just want to do homeschool.  I don't want to be here".

It is killing me.  I want to say Ok sweetie, let's go home.  This was silly.  We can go get your backpack and go to the store, go home and bake cookies.

But, I don't. Instead I tell him,
"Seth, you are a Viking, remember?  You are Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III.  You are not afraid of anything."

I see him straighten up a bit and see the bravery come back into his eyes.

His teacher arrives at this time and that bravery melts away.  He gives me a hug and whispers in my ear, "Please Mom".

I look at him and say, "Hiccup, go talk to your teacher about Dragons".

His wise teacher says, "Dragons? I collect dragons?  You like dragons too?"

He beams, gives hugs to me and his sisters and walks off.

I watch him go, his hand in his pocket rubbing those coins, and pray he will have a fabulous day.


Kylee said...

I hope he has a great day, and can't wait to go back!

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

Oh, mama. I have tears in my eyes, too. The "please, Mom." Oh, heartbreak! I'm whispering a prayer for your brave Viking right now. I know he'll do GREAT.

themaggers said...

Oh my heart what a sweet little boy. I hope the day went better for both of you. Maybe a special after school treat is in order for everybody.

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Oh, sweetie! I could feel your heartbreaking. Wish I were there to hug you. Hugs, sweetheart!

Katherine at Postpartum Progress said...

You are an awesome mama. Every mom has those moments where our baby begs not to do something, but in the end finds out he or she could do it all along ... could triumph even when it didn't seem possible. Fingers crossed for your little Viking today!

Tiffany said...

I'm sitting in a hotel lobby with tears streaming down my face. It is so hard to help and watch them grow up. Great job brave Mommy. He will be okay, he will love it like he did his last school. Lots of hugs when he gets back and then time to bake cookies as he tells you all about his day!

Beth said...

This made tears come to my eyes! YOU are the brave one...I don't know if I could have gotten through that with my boy's big brown eyes pleading at me! Good Job, Mom! I'll bet he has a great day! ;)

mommabird2345 said...

I'm crying for both of you. I hope he comes home after having a great day and tells you about his new friend he made today. You did a great job today too. Better than what I would have done.

Morgan -Ing said...

I'm so sorry it was a rough morning. I hope he LOVES it today! :)

Tender Heart Bear said...

I am praying he has a real good day at school. Reading that broke my heart. I remember those days with my kids. I stood outside the school crying when I took my kids there first day. I hope you are doing alright!

tawnya said...

Hugs, babe. For you both. I will tell you anything you need to hear right now, if you promise to give it back to me when I send Sammy to school this fall.

Linn said...

This kills me, but you did perfectly. I hope his day is fabulous! And yeah for teachers who get it.

*Lissa* said...

oh, this made me teary. i really, truly hope he has a great day. i was the new kid so many times growing up, and while i hated it each and every time, i also ended up liking the new schools better each time. :)

Elaine A. said...

I hope he has a wonderful day! I can so relate to this and my Mommy heart goes out to both of you. xoxo

Mama Bub said...

Oh, I am not looking forward to the day my child begs for something I just can't give him. Sounds like he's in excellent hands. Best of luck to both of you today.

Heidi said...

Hugs to you and your brave little guy.

Heather of the EO said...

and now I'm all weepy.
been saying prayers for both of you all day.
I love you!

kim said...

You did an absolutely amazing job encouraging your boy!! I love that he asked for extra prayers . . . what a special bond. And I bet you all had some awesome hugs when he got home! Excellent job, mama!

Candace said...

Aw, what a tough Mommy-moment... you are doing such a good job though! I'm sure your sweet little boy will have a great day! God Bless!

Noelle said...

You are so brave! I am struggling with this too, for next year. My daughter attends a very small private school and they just decided they will not be adding her grade next year. I am terrified to send her to a school with 900 kids, where she will be among the littlest. This was encouraging. Our babies are so brave when they have to be.

Tauni said...

This made me cry just reading it! Some things are just so hard as a mom!!!

Mandy B said...

I've had just such a rough day with my kids that I'm now a bawling mess after reading that one. Way to be a brave momma and I love his Viking name. That's actually what got me of all things. I sure hope he turns out loving it and begging to go to school like mine does (although mine is 2 and thinks school is the bees knees.)