Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Lighten Up!

View of the sunrise from my front window.

I seriously have to lighten up -- not just my waistline. My children and I have been butting heads this week. I feel so much...crap inside my heart and I don't like it. I just get so frustrated and angry with them at the smallest things. I don't like it.

Today, I took them to visit some of their friends. Their friends Mom, Heather, is just such a breath of fresh air. She takes everything in stride and has a seemingly endless supply of patience. I planned to take them, drop them off, and come back after a couple hours to pick them up. My plan was to run away without them, maybe go to the store with just ONE child, or come home and finish off the rest of the peppermint cream cheese brownies. But, Heather and I got to talking and I stayed. I am so glad I did. She broke out the Wii (I've never seen one, much less played it) and we did Wii Fit. It was so much fun! The kids got in on the action also, not only cheering me on while I did some boxing, but also did their own running and penguin sliding. It was just so much fun.

She has decorations down that the kids can actually play with -- novel concept, I know. She didn't get upset when the kids played with the toy nativity, or took ornaments off the tree. She also didn't get upset when my children (sweet ones) wouldn't take no for an answer about not touching the nice nativity. She laughed and said, "I'm glad mine aren't the only kids that don't listen to Mom".

When I got home, my kids and I hit a wall. They would not listen. Not for anything. Drove me nuts. There were lots of tears (theirs), lots of yelling (mine) and broken hearts (both). I don't like this one bit. I don't like being this Mom.

Lucky for me, I can change it. The damage is done, but I can stop it right now. I'm always grateful to know that I can change things and make them better.

My main problem is that I am very selfish. I want to have my time to play on the computer and to read my books. However, do I want my children to remember a Mom that was sitting on her arse all day at the computer, or reading her books? Or, do I want my children to remember the Mom that got down on the floor and played with them, even though she was SICK of Star Wars, she did it anyway. I want them to remember a Mom that would read their books instead of her own. I want them to think that NOTHING is more important to me than them. Because really, nothing IS more important to me than them.

So, starting right now, I am changing. I will be a better Mom. I will lighten up. I will let them play with the Christmas decorations -- because really, while my cute centerpiece looks great on my table when it's all put together -- everything is plastic and can easily be replaced -- they can not.

You might remember me telling you all that I was going to start writing down everything funny my kids said. Well, I need to read them more often because when I do, I laugh. We all need to laugh more, so I am going to share a few of my favorites with you.

Seth: Mom! Why is there a fire in the sky?? (said yesterday morning when he saw the sunrise pictured above)

Seth: There was a grasshopper that the cats didn't get so I knew what to do
Dad: What?
Seth: I got my shovel and took the sharp part and cut off it's head.

Seth: Dad, your lawn mower is really loud. I wish it had a turn down thing.

Seth (upon seeing the line in the sky from an airplane): There's a crack in the sky! How can we fix it?

Seth: Dad, 4+1 is 5!
Dad: That's right!
Seth: After all, I am the smartest person in the world.

and lest you think only Seth says funny things...

Amelia: I am going to draw a boob!
Mom: You're going to draw a boob?!?
Amelia: Yes, a boob is for to suck on.

I love my kids. I'm going to go put up some Christmas decorations with them now. The kind they can play with and I am going to LIGHTEN UP! How about you?


Rhonda said...

You are definitely not alone! There are so many days I feel the same. Especially lately...the kids fight NONSTOP and it drives me crazy. And with the holidays in full swing I feel as though I have all these things to do and can't just stop and rest. hmmph. I'll be a better mom with you!

Erin Goodman said...

Oh Kim! I totally here you.

I actually started taking photographs of the light and shadows around my house yesterday *while* my kids were fighting so I didn't totally lose it. It was really powerful and soothing for me!

LOVE your picture of the sunrise -- BEAUTIFUL!!!

Kelly said...

Growing as a mom can be so painful sometimes, can't it.

Marly said...

Are you sure you weren't at my house yesterday? I had a sort of meltdown and had to have a friend in New York talk me down. I just am not being the mom I want to be and this darn computer takes too much of my time. Yesterday Ryan asked me when I want to go to school so I would have something different to occupy my time.
Here's to all of us being better :)

1momof5 said...

Hi! Stopping by from SITS. Yes, buying the Little People Nativity and putting the breakable stuff well out of the kids' reach was one of the best things I've done. I love the fact that the kids can play with the Christmas stuff. :) BTW--your homebirth video was one of the most powerful, beautiful things I've watched in a long time!

Anonymous said...

I could have written this myself. I have a daily struggle here. I try. I'll do good for a few days even but then I fall back. I wish I knew how to really just change. It is a challenge. Good luck to you!

a Tonggu Momma said...

This is such a beautiful reminder to all of us. And it shows us, too, that - even if we feel all alone in our bad mommyness - we truly aren't. It's always a growing process.