Sometimes it overwhelms me. The fact that I have 4 children, but only 3 are here. When I think about all that has happened in the last 6 years, I can not believe this is my life.
Yet, it is. In the last 6 years I have had the opportunity to help so many Moms. I've been amazed at how many women come into my life, women that I cherish, and then lose children.
Did Emma die so I could help others? Do these fabulous friends keep coming into my life because I lost Emma and I will be able to help them? Is it just coincidence?
I found out today that one of my very dear friends has a very sick little girl. Her daughter is 7 months older than Seth. She just turned 5. She has an inoperable brain tumor. She is dying. This sweet, sassy, full of life little girl, is dying. It is just so unfair. This friend and I go back to before we were married. We were pregnant at the same time with our oldest children. She lived down the street when I had Emma and actually came and helped Jeremy get things ready when my water broke. She is just such an amazing Mom to these 4 sweet children. Now, she is facing what no parent should ever have to face, watching her child die. She and her husband explained to this sweet girl what was happening the other night. I just can't imagine. I have cried for her, and am sure I will continue to do so.
I am in the club that no one wants to join, but I find that more and more of my friends are in this club. I am scared of making new friends. Scared that this, death, will rub off on them. That somehow by just being my friend, the big black ugly thing we call death will rob them of one of their sweet children.
While I say death is big and ugly, and it is, I also know that through the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we will be forever families. We will continue to live and will see our sweet ones again one day. I know that these babies that die are so perfect, too perfect for this world. And, while that gives some comfort, it is still so hard. So hard to live it and to watch my dear friends live it.
I guess maybe it's not that by being my friend people lose their children, but more likely, we stick together. Birds of a feather really. We (this awful club) know what it is to lose a child and others know we've been through it. So, when it happens to someone else, we are sought out to help.
If I can help other parents, well, then that's ok. Like I said, birds of a feather, we stick together.
8 comments:
my heart goes out to your friend. yes, this side of heaven we will never grasp the reasons...we just have to continue to trust the Lord with all of our hearts for His purpose and plan for our lives.
God Bless,
shelbi
Oh Kim my thoughts and prayers are with your friend. I'm glad you came into my life. I enjoy you everyday! I hope in some way I have helped you with your loss of Emma b/c I know that you have helped me.
Hugs to you and yours,
Rhonda
Kim! I'm so glad I saw your post. I knew exactly who it was as soon as I read it. Then I thought no no no it can't be, I would have heard. But I checked her blog and of course her blog is the one that for some reason I can't get updates for and of course I last checked it just before all this happened. Do you know how long they have, I couldn't tell from what was on her blog. I can't decide which would be worse, knowing before hand or having it happen suddenly. I'm going with neither...
I just can't imagine joining this club. There aren't words...
I'm just so sorry.
And I'm also impressed with you and your heart's ability to share with others. Thank you.
Perfectly stated. It really does feel like a club, doesn't it? I am so sorry about your friend. You may have seen my other blog (In Memory...) that I share with my dear friend, Jenn, who lost her baby boy, Linden, to an inoperable brain tumor. Her friend also lost her son, Ethan (who was around the same age as your friend's daughter), to a brain tumor. My heart and prayers go out to her and their family. All of our situations are different, but equally as difficult and heartbreaking. I have definitely found that sharing in other people's grief and supporting each other, brings healing. You are proof of that! Thanks for supporting me in the way that you have. It's so strange how I feel like I really do know you... Big hug back to you my friend. xoxo
There are no words. My heart goes out to you all.
Im really sorry for your friend, for you and for all the families that are dealing with this... Something Im not looking forward to.
I think the support you offer (and gain) from sharing that common grief probably benefits you and everyone in your flock. People gain strength in knowing that they are not the only ones experiencing the grief and pain, and that other people have gone through it and continued on. By sharing your grief and love and experiences with others you are helping them immensely (while probably helping yourself as well). We're all in this big crazy thing called life together, and sharing the rawness of emotions can make a world of a difference to someone.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
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