Wednesday, November 19, 2008

It's Coming...


I am sitting here nursing Libby, the baby that looks so much like my first baby. I am looking at pictures of Emma and am struck with how similar these two sisters are. Not just their looks, but their temperaments too. They are both very calm babies, happy unless they're hungry or poopy. They both are quick to smile and slow to be sad. They both hate the carseat. My dark haired girls. Those eyes...

Every time Seth says a prayer, he asks for "Emma to come back to Earth." If only it were that easy. I think that if the faith of a child can't bring her back, it's not going to happen. At least, not any time soon.

I miss her. This last weekend, my good friend, Nicole and her family came to visit. Her daughter, Aurora is the same age as Emma. She is so tall now. She draws really good pictures, cuts nicely, is losing teeth, loves Kindergarten, and is my sweet boy's best friend. I often wonder if Emma comes to play with Seth and Aurora when they are playing together. Or, if she sent Nicole into our lives so that Seth could have a big sister still.

Her birthday is coming. This time of year is always so hard. The month before her birth and before her death, I think so much about what I was doing when she was still here. I was so very big and so very uncomfortable this time 6 years ago. I was trying so hard to get her to turn from being breech. I was so very excited to meet her, hug her, kiss her, see that little face.

This is pretty all over the place. I am just missing her so much and I needed to write about it. Go hug your babies, right now. I don't do it enough and know how much it hurts when they're not here for you to hug anymore.

12 comments:

Kelli @ Gohn Crazy said...

I just want to hug you right now. I am so very sorry. I cannot imagine.

Doreen said...

I'm sorry Kim. A very good friend of mine just lost her baby girl last week. She was only two weeks old. I can't imagine how much it must hurt. There are too many of you, who have lost a child. Hugs.

AbeSaves said...

It is so hard isn't it. That longing is pretty intense. Thanks for supporting us. It feels good to share in each other's grief. Big hug right back.

Heather of the EO said...

Oh, lady. Prayers of peace for you. I'm so sorry. It's so hard to understand isn't it?

One day you will see her again. People say that all the time and it doesn't help the right now. But I hope it brings at least a small amount of hope.

Rachel said...

Thanks Kim :) She really does look so much like Emma. She's beautiful! I needed that reminder to hug my babies more... thanks :)

Rhonda said...

Oh Kim I wish I could give you a big squeeze right now!! I so relate. July is a very hard month for me as well as the holidays. I spend my time Christmas shopping and at the same time wonder what I'd be buying for Brittain. Our little neighbor/cousin is only a month younger the what Brittain would be so I see her and think "WOW"..hard to believe she was so tiny the last time I saw her and now she'd be a few years off from being a teenager now.

Many many hugs to you hun!!

Nicole said...

We love you! And you know with as much as Aurora talks about Emma, I wouldn't be surprised if she is playing with them. I worried a little about coming up last weekend. I know how hard this time of year is.

That pic at the top is Emma right?? Libby does look so much like her. Such sweet babies.

Mama bee said...

Hugs to you, my dear.

Becky said...

Oh, Kim! I wish I could do something that would make this time of year easier.

She is beautiful.

Sarah Long said...

I love you my Kimmie. ♥

Erin Goodman said...

Thinking of you and sending my love...

sara said...

Hugs and love to you :) I'm coming to see you.