Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Finding my Place

I am trying.

Trying to find where I fit here.

Find my place, my people, where I belong.

I haven't yet though.

I have one friend here and she is fantastic.  She watches my kids, listens to me whine, and is just fun to be around.

But, we are busy and see each other maybe once a week, but usually less.

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This town is HUGE.

I am used to my small sleepy town of Logan.  I am used to it taking 5 minutes to get anywhere in town.  Instead it takes me 5 minutes just to get out of the subdivision!

I am used to small schools and small class sizes.

I found out this week that there are 10 Kindergarten classes of 25 students each in the elementary school up the road.  That is SO big.  Too big for this small town girl.

Maybe homeschool is the answer for us for a bit longer?  I just don't know.

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I am trying, trying, trying.

I a going, going, going.

Swim lessons, dance classes, swim lessons again, park days, the gym, homeschool, sewing, gestating, loving on these little people.

There isn't much time for anything other than going.

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I am going, going, going because I am lonely lonely lonely.

I am a very social creature and now all the sudden, the only people I have to be social with are my 3 small people and my darling husband.  And while they are all wonderful....a girl needs her girlfriends.

I know it will come.

I know I will find my place and will love this place.

But for now...


it is just hard.

18 comments:

Rebecca said...

thinking of you. i totally get this. we have moved a ton in our 7 years of marriage...but this last move has been the hardest/loneliest. we moved here 4.5 months ago and i am just now finally making some friends...and it's still hard. anyway...i know how hard & lonely moving to a new place is...hope you find your place soon!

Lisa said...

I want a *sad* button to click on this post : (. I'm sorry we don't see each other more often although when we do get together, everyone has a good time (and that IS a blessing). I wish I could be there MORE for you, but you know, my life is a little crazy.....OK, a lot crazy. I totally *get* the social creature feeling out of a place and searching for where she fits in b/c that was ME just a few years ago when we moved to Austin. It takes time and if you like, we can make a standing playdate for a certain day of the week and I will invite EVERYONE I know to come. I do much better with schedules and routines : ).

Hugs friend, it will get better and easier and you will make more friends given time. Promise.

MommyJ said...

Oh, I feel for you. It's so hard settling in and finding what feels like a good fit. You are so wonderful though - kind, and sincere and radiantly joyful. I can't imagine anyone not feeling better for your presence. At least you have your online friends to bridge the gap until your real time support network grows a little deeper. Hugs sent your way!

Cheri said...

I do know EXACTLY how you feel-when we moved to Omaha, we were close to grandma, I knew lots of people from living here before but I still cried for a month! I was SO lonely and seriously missed my old life...but, it did get better and now, with the prospect of leaving looming on the horizon, I am crying inside for the people I have come to love that I will miss. Hang in there honey...you will find your soul-sister and she will be as excited as you to have a buddy. Keep lookin'...she is there. I love you!!

Ronda said...

There is a very large AP community here. They had meetings and play groups all over town. You can join the online forum at https://www.bigtent.com/groups/austinap

I live south and try to attend the south meeting, but I know all meetings are open to anyone, where ever you live. I think there are even mama happy hours once a month, but I haven't made it out for those.

This is probably weird but if you ever wanted to meet at a park or something, let me know! If not that's ok too!

Ronda

Kirsten said...

Moving is hard. Especially when are leaving behind such a lovely little niche you had perfected. It will come. In the mean time, just stay busy and before you know it, you'll have this whole new life/world that you never could have imagined.

Mama bee said...

I totally get this. I'm there too. I've just recently started to feel like I have a place I fit here. We're making friends but it's slow, and I certainly have to push myself out of my mild-introvert-tendencies to make playdates and things. But they do help. *hugs* It'll come, and I know it's frustrating when you're still working on making friends and establishing routine.

Jen said...

I know it's hard in a place so different from where you were. Here in Katy we've got big schools too and while I worry sometimes, my kids love it. My advice is let Seth try the school...if it doesn't end up being a good fit you can always pull him back out whenever you want. But give it a try. Have faith that he can handle something tough. Heavenly Father wouldn't have put you somewhere without knowing you could handle it, and I'm guessing Seth can too!

Laura said...

I know exactly how you feel. We moved back to California from Salt Lake in October and I am having a really hard time making friends. A lot of it is we live in an economically depressed area and a lot of the people here are not easy to get to know. Some of it is we have not gone back to church since being here. I just don't feel like I fit in. I hope we both find our place and some new friends. Especially since my husband is gone during the week and is only home on the weekends I need adults to talk to. Thank you for reminding me I am not alone in my loneliness.

Linn said...

Thinking of you. My heart broke a little reading this because I know all too well what you are saying. I know you will find friends soon and I'll be praying it happens even sooner than you think. We moved to a place where that really doesn't happen. I wanted it for so long and now two and a half years later, realize that won't be the case. The desire hasn't changed. But I have. And that is good enough for now. Being lonely is so incredibly hard. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.

Elaine A. said...

This is so crazy to me because I was in MUCH the same position as you about a year and half ago! We had just moved here and I was pregnant and lonely too - ha! (sorry, I found that funny for some reason!).

You're right, it will come, but it does take time. Is there a Moms club there you can join? And what about church and stalking other mother's at Chick Fil A? hee hee.

I know you'll find some girls soon because they can't help but be attracted to your sweet, sunshiney personality. In the meantime, I'll come see you in April, k? hugs girl. xoxo

Shelley said...

Hang in there. Austin is a wonderful place. I live just outside Houston. I know it seems big, but you will figure it all out. I have a good friend that lives in Austin, and has for years. If you want some information on places to go/shop and that kinda thing, I can certainly ask her. Just send me an email shelley.black@sbcglobal.net. If I lived less than three hours away, I would say we could hang out. You seem like a sweet person. If you ever make a trip to Houston, let me know, and I can tell you where to go.

tawnya said...

I still feel this way sometimes, here in your little town...Nearly 3 years and I'm finding my way and working it out and finally getting some of those friends, but the waiting. It's been tough.

kmfm said...

I hear you friend...friend dating is hard! You are awesome, though! and an easy friend to make!

Kym said...

I wish I had only 25 kids in my class!

Wendi said...

Aw, it'll get better. We didn't know a soul when we moved to Austin in 1999 and now I was just elected mayor. OK, not really, but it's still a very friendly place.

And 10 kindergarten classes? That's insane. Our school only has 4 classes of 17 kids.

Kim said...

Apparently Wendi, I need to live where you are in Austin!

Jana said...

Awe man that has got to be so hard! At least you are staying busy. You are so stong I could not do that huge town thing AND not knowing anyone. I hope you find some more good friends fast...we miss having you up here though. Think about you lots. I miss seeing you every week and being able to talk to you about ANYTHING:) Good luck, Luvs