Exposed

"Goodbye baby, I will see you after 3 sleeps, be good for Daddy".  I walked out the door and back to my house after dropping off my girls.  Ready to go to Salt Lake for the Casual Blogger Conference, I felt so naked, so exposed, so vulnerable.

I couldn't figure out why I felt this way.  I have left my kids with their friends several times.  Jeremy is going to be with them all day tomorrow and the next and at night.  Why was I feeling so uneasy about this trip?

Then it hit me.  I hide behind my children.  I am their Mom first and foremost.  At the park, at the pool, at my son's school, I am their Mom.  When in a group of strangers, typically I am wearing a baby.  Last year at Blogher, I was wearing Libby the whole time.  It was a conversation starter, it allowed me to talk to people I otherwise wouldn't have.  It gave me some freedom because everyone loves a baby (except when they don't, but we're not getting into that).

Here I am, sitting in a hotel room without my children.  I am going to go to a dinner in a short while and will not have anyone for people to coo and drool over. 

I am exposed just for me.  No one knows that by looking at my soft belly that it held a baby just 20 months ago, it may just look like I have eaten a few too many Oreos instead.  My excuse (ha) isn't right there with me.

So please, if you see me at this, or any conference this summer, come up and talk to me because without my shield I really am just not that sure of myself and may sit in a corner eating chocolate the whole time if you don't.