I have mosquito bites all over my arms and legs. It itches really bad. I am a bad scratcher, I will scratch until it bleeds, like a little kid. As I type this I am scratching my arm on the computer desk.
I find that I scratch a lot of bites in my life. Whether it is my weight, my temper, my low self-esteem, my sup-par cleaning skills, or my self perceived terrible mothering. I am a scratcher.
I will look at these things, the things I think I don't do well and dwell on them. I will scratch them until they bleed.
My body has borne and nourished 4 beautiful children. My husband loves it. It allows me to run and walk with my children. I can coach t-ball, ride my bike, walk to church, and do so many other things. My body works. Yet I can't find it within myself to love it. I try, I really do. I remember how lucky I am to have a body that works and how others would kill for that. I know that and I am trying.
You all know now that I am not the nicest Mom all the time. Really though, who is?? And even though I know that other Moms have hard days and aren't always the best (so many of you commiserated in the comments, thanks!) I still scratch that bite too.
I often will put words in my Darling's mouth. Words that he doesn't say and things he doesn't mean. I do this because I think he wants to say these things but doesn't. It's that crazy low self-esteem of mine. Scratch, scratch.
These things bite at my heart and at my soul. Like little skeeters, they make me itch and uncomfortable in my skin.
I have a good skeeter stick for my soul. Something that will take the itch out of the bite. That while the bite is still there, it won't bother me. Knowing that I am a divine being, that I am a daughter of God, that I have a beautiful soul and that I really am special.
I am working on remembering and believing it. I bet you are too. Let's work together shall we? Let's take the sting out of those bites and stop scratching ourselves to bleeding.