Monday, June 8, 2009


I have mosquito bites all over my arms and legs. It itches really bad. I am a bad scratcher, I will scratch until it bleeds, like a little kid. As I type this I am scratching my arm on the computer desk.

I find that I scratch a lot of bites in my life. Whether it is my weight, my temper, my low self-esteem, my sup-par cleaning skills, or my self perceived terrible mothering. I am a scratcher.

I will look at these things, the things I think I don't do well and dwell on them. I will scratch them until they bleed.

My body has borne and nourished 4 beautiful children. My husband loves it. It allows me to run and walk with my children. I can coach t-ball, ride my bike, walk to church, and do so many other things. My body works. Yet I can't find it within myself to love it. I try, I really do. I remember how lucky I am to have a body that works and how others would kill for that. I know that and I am trying.

You all know now that I am not the nicest Mom all the time. Really though, who is?? And even though I know that other Moms have hard days and aren't always the best (so many of you commiserated in the comments, thanks!) I still scratch that bite too.

I often will put words in my Darling's mouth. Words that he doesn't say and things he doesn't mean. I do this because I think he wants to say these things but doesn't. It's that crazy low self-esteem of mine. Scratch, scratch.

These things bite at my heart and at my soul. Like little skeeters, they make me itch and uncomfortable in my skin.

I have a good skeeter stick for my soul. Something that will take the itch out of the bite. That while the bite is still there, it won't bother me. Knowing that I am a divine being, that I am a daughter of God, that I have a beautiful soul and that I really am special.

I am working on remembering and believing it. I bet you are too. Let's work together shall we? Let's take the sting out of those bites and stop scratching ourselves to bleeding.

1 comment:

Jen said...

Great analogy! We've just got to keep trying, right? I'm sure you're doing way better than you think you are. Don't compare yourself to others (easier said than done) and instead work on becoming better today than you were yesterday. I love your blog, by the way.