Ah such a big word...priorities. Yet so often it is something that we don't think much about. Sure, we hear people saying that their families are their top priorities, or that they have their priorities in order. But what does that mean? What does it really mean?
This is something that has really been weighing on my mind and in my heart recently. What is most important to me? My family. Hands down, the most important thing in the world to me. My husband and children. They mean more than anything to me. However, do I show them this? Do my actions, what I do daily, reflect this? Or do they wonder if I love them more than I love...well, this blog, or other blogs?
I have a hard time balancing things. I want to be the best at everything I do and typically when I attempt this, invariably something suffers and I fail. I do not know how to be the best Mother, Wife, Housekeeper, Homemaker (two different things that I will talk about in another post, another day), Friend, Sister, Blogger, Reviewer, etc, etc, etc. I just can't do it all. And this is hard to accept.
I sat my family down this weekend and told them that I needed their help with the cleaning of the house. I can not do it all alone. I just can't. My house is a mess and while I don't need it spotless, I would LOVE to have a home where I don't have to make a path from the front door to the kitchen. So, I made a chart for myself with what chores I have to do daily, weekly and monthly. I'll let you know in a month how it is going.
I also gave my children more responsibility and made them each a chart. So far so good...of course it has only been 2 days, but I have high hopes.
Back to me wanting to be the best. I just want to do everything I do the best that I can. Sadly though, my family has been suffering. My children have been asking for more and more of my time. And, when I say asking, I mean demanding, screaming, crying, acting out. It's hard. It is really hard to balance it all.
This has brought up some big heart felt discussions with my darling husband. I have talked and he has listened. I have shared my concerns and he has listened. Through his listening, I have really heard myself and what I am saying.
I need to slow down. My babies will only be babies for such a short time. I know how quickly it goes and how quickly and unexpectedly these babies can be taken from us.
So, I am slowing down. I may not be posting everyday. I have to say that it scares me to write that. What if I don't post everyday and I lose people who like to read my blog? Will the few of you who read my blog continue to if I don't post daily?
But, what if I don't slow down, and don't stop posting everyday and lose the people who rely on me for everything. What if they stop trusting me and stop demanding my time? What if they think that I love my blog and the computer more than I love them?
That would break my heart. So, I am not going to read as many blogs as I do now. I am going to turn away from the computer and towards the sunshine and my children. I will check blogs at breakfast and lunch and after the kids are in bed.
I am going to be the Mama that my children deserve. Because really, they are what it is all about. They are my top priority. And how could they not be?