Friday, December 5, 2008
I think it's because Christmas is coming, or maybe because it's been a year since I last saw you and smelled your Aromatics Elixir, but I've been dreaming about you a lot lately.
The dreams are always different, but the same. I am supposed to go visit you, but can't find your new house. I know that you've moved, but I don't know where you've gone. I call you on the phone, your phone number that I learned before I learned my own, and you tell me where to come to find you. Your house is usually for sale or sold, so I can't go inside anymore. I am always searching, but can't ever find you to give you a hug.
I dipped pretzels tonight and thought of you. I called Mom to find out the best way to dip them. She told me serger tweezers. I used yours. I think that there may be some tears in this batch. That's ok, right? I remember eating chocolate dipped pretzels in your basement at Christmas time. Your tree that was always SO big and SO beautiful. I will never forget the Christmas that we stayed at your house and I saw Santa. I was maybe 4, and I looked out the window of the bathroom and saw his sleigh streak through the sky. That, combined with the fact that Uncle Rick got coal in his stocking for not believing, is why I believed in Santa until I was 11.
I miss you Gram. I wish I could call you tonight. You were such a huge part of my life. Not just your house, the one that was the one constant in my life, but you. I don't have many memories of my early childhood that don't involve you and Grampa in some way. I was still so young when he died, but you, you were my Grama. I know you thought I loved Grandma Martin more than you, but I didn't. I loved you both so much. How could I not, you are her daughter. I loved coming to visit you when I moved back to Kansas. I wish I had done it more. I'm glad that I got to tell you that I was pregnant and that we were buying our first home. I am sure you kissed my sweet Libby before she came down, just 10 days before your birthday. I wish I had called you just one more time...I am sure we all wish that.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I miss you tonight. Give my Emma a hug and kiss for me, will you?