So our day yesterday...ugh, it was hard. Seth decided at 6:45 that it was time to wake up. He came into my room and turned on the light and woke up not only myself, but Amelia (who usually sleeps until 10 or 10:30!!). I was NOT happy. I got up and was just a mess. I really wanted to sleep as much as possible so I didn't have to deal with the day yet...but that didn't happen. I woke up and just cried and cried and cried. Jeremy felt so bad that he had to go to work, but he's so new at this job that he really needed to go in. So, he left, I changed diapers and eventually got Amelia back to sleep. I was pretty weepy the rest of the morning. Then, I needed to get out of the house. So, my friend Nicole and I went to lunch. We took our kiddos (she has a little girl who is Emma's age - I love that girl!) and that was really good for me. Then we went to a great consignment boutique here and dreamed of cute clothes for our kiddos. I found a dress I would have wanted to get for Emma. Then, we went home, I changed diapers, knit and let Winnie the Pooh babysit Seth (thank heavens for the library having the Pooh movie!). Jeremy got home around 3:30 and we got packed up and went to Kaysville (where she is buried). We went and got balloons, I don't remember how many, but lots of pink and white balloons. Seth was very cute saying that Emma would run and catch all the balloons. He thought she'd like them a lot :). We sent her balloons in heaven and sang happy birthday. I have yet to be able to get through that song without crying on her birthday. Then Jer put new flowers in her vases and we went to dinner. We had her picture on the table with us, I am sure the server was curious why we had a picture of a little baby girl on the table Then we went to my brother's and had pie with he and his wife. We didn't make it to the store to drop off her presents for Toys for Tots, so Jer and Seth are doing that today.
On the way home from my brother's, we were driving by an ambulance. I hate ambulances more than anything. It got me thinking about the day she died and I just lost it. I cried for about 20 minutes of our drive home. Then, we got home, got Seth in bed and I sat down and cried some more. I was really glad to go to bed last night and have the day over. I just can't believe that I have a 4 year old child. That blows my mind. It probably blows my mind the most because I have no idea what my life would be like with her here. I sometimes wish that I could have the "It's a Wonderful Life" experience and be able to see what my life would be like if she were still here...if wishes were pennies...
Anyway, thank you all for your kind thoughts, prayers and hugs, I really appreciate it. Another year has come and gone and I am still alive. I have 2 beautiful earth bound children and one beautiful angel...so I guess things aren't too bad.
Here is something I made this morning for Emma. I should be cleaning, but I am just missing her so much and this has helped a little bit.