Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I'm trying to think of something original to tell you.  Something you haven't heard about Emma.  Something different than what I write every Angel Day and every Birthday.  But I can't think of anything you don't already know.  I only have 8 months, 8 days of memories, stories and pictures.  There is only so much I can say.  How many times can I say I miss her?  How many times can I say I wish she were here?  How often can I lament about what she should be doing right now?  How much can I express the ache and hole in my soul with her gone?  It just seems that I say the same thing every year and maybe I do.  But it doesn't make it any less true.  It doesn't make it any less real.  I only have so many memories, and sadly those are fading.  I remember things that happened when pictures were taken, I remember what was going on in the videos...but other memories...they are going.  I really don't like that at all.  It is so very hard.

Today however, is a celebration of my girl.  Beautiful big blue eyes, huge smile, happy disposition.  She is my Angel.  She really was the happiest baby ever.  I remember telling Jeremy, the week before she died, that I hoped she would always be this happy.  She was just such a joy to everyone who came in contact with her.  She only cried when she was hungry, tired or poopy.  Seriously, so very happy.  She loved to listen to Dancing Queen and Fugi Fugi Fugi (seriously, her favorite song and I tear up just listening to it. She loved it so much).  She always had a lot of thick dark hair and the day she died I was going to put it up in a "whale spout" -- much like the hairstyle Libby sports all the time now.  She loved to nurse, which after a rocky start, was a wonderful gift.

What an amazing baby, this beautiful little girl who made me a Mother.  Gave me my first worry, overwhelming joy, and crushing heartbreak.  She taught me about love, worry, trusting my Mother's instinct, sleeping whenever I can, balancing my time as a Mother, Wife and Woman, and oh so much more.

Emma is forever my baby.  I look forward to the day when I can hold her again and celebrate her birth with her in my arms.

Happy Birthday baby girl.  You are forever mine and I am forever yours.

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