Prairie Mama; Back On The Prairie

Moving Day

2011-10-02T22:25:00.001-05:00

Hey friends! I've gone the way of many other bloggers and can now be found in my new home at Wordpress.

www.prairiemama.com

Please update your subscriptions so you are subscribed to http://prairiemama.com/feed/ so you don't miss a single antic from my life!

MWAH!

Elusive Autumn

2011-10-01T05:00:00.000-05:00

I have always loved Fall. The way it quietly slips in after the long, blazing days of Summer. It is like that cool guy in school that never talks much, but the girls all love him (ahem, Tim Riggins).

Fall with it's rich colors, earthy scent and cooler days, you take my breath away.

I love your cool mornings, your warm afternoons and cool nights. I love collecting the last harvest from the garden, raking leaves into piles for my children to jump in, and noses red from the crisp autumn air.

Fall, I miss you. You were gone too fast from Utah last year, and from what I gather, you don't visit Texas at all. There will be no leaves changing colors, no crisp days, no cool nights...at least not until January.

I miss going outside and smelling the smoke from fireplaces, having chilly noses and needing a jacket. I miss drinking hot cocoa or cider, needing to bundle up under costumes, and digging out my jeans and sweaters.

Since I miss these things so much, I am making it Fall in my house. I have pumpkins, scented candles, and Autumn decorations to go up. Just because it is 100 degrees outside doesn't mean I can't pretend that it's 60.

This post is sponsored by Hallmark's Life is a Special Occasion Campaign. I am one of the luckiest girls I know getting to write about the Special Occasions that happen daily in my life the rest of this year.
The month of October I get to write about Fall and all the goodness that comes with this glorious season!
Be sure to head over to Hallmark's site and sign up for their newsletters. Who knows, I might even pop up in one of the newsletters! Also, at the bottom of the page, you can see all the Hallmark Bloggers and read what everyone has to say. It is truly inspiring reading!
While I am compensated to write this post, as always the words are all mine and can not be bought.

Just a Scratch

2011-09-29T04:00:00.000-05:00

For as long as I can remember, I've had this...thing on my eyelid.

It made it VERY difficult to have even eyeliner in Jr. High. And I couldn't NOT wear eyeliner cause all the other girls were doing it and if I wanted the boys to think I was cute I had to look like everyone else, right??

Anyhoo, I digress.

It has been there for as long as I can remember. My Mom said it showed up when I was about 2 and every doctor she asked about it told her it was a mole.

Well, this "mole" has been getting bigger. And, had a baby "mole" growing on it. So, I went to see a dermatologist.

She said something about possible skin cancer and sent me to see an Oculoplastic Surgeon. Did you know those existed? Me either.

He examined it, said a lot of mmhmm's and uh-huhs then gave me the diagnosis. It is a papiloma. Anywhere else on my body and they'd call it a wart.

Oh my gross. I have a HUGE wart cluster on my eyelid and it has been there for 32 years!!!!!!!!!

It is growing, so they are chopping it off. Today. Maybe even as you read this.

The doc gave me a handout with pictures of what he is going to do, but I couldn't find it, so you get this. My own drawing.

First, he will cut a hole in my eyelid and remove the offender.

then cut my lid open to allow more skin to be brought over to close the gaping hole in my eyelid

stitch it up and i'm as good as new.

So, I'll get a local just below my lower lid and some Valium. I will be awake the whole time he is cutting a hole in my eyelid. Oh, but he assures me my eyes will be closed. Uh, yeah, I'm not opening my eyes to see a scalpel coming right at me. EEK!

Just wish I could get him to wax my eyebrows while I'm in there. Now that is a scary sight.

5 Months

2011-09-28T11:55:00.001-05:00

Each of my babies has hit this age. They all look so much alike and yet so different.

Today my Elliott is 5 months old.

5 months of snuggles and kisses.

5 months of no sleep and nursing marathons.

5 months of figuring him out and being perpetually perplexed.

5 months of love.

I love this boy ohsomuch.

Me Time

2011-09-27T07:45:00.001-05:00

Is there really such thing as Me Time when you have small children? I don't think so, at least not in the way that it once was.

When I was single and newly married (i.e. before I got pregnant!), "me time" consisted of going for a pedicure, out to lunch or dinner, going to a movie, hanging out with my friends or just doing something by myself - whatever I wanted.

The big kids have been dressed, fed, combed, kissed and sent out the door to school. The T.V. is playing Sesame Street for Libby and Elliott is hanging out in his bouncy seat, happy as a clam.

I have a bit of quiet, so I sneak to the computer, sit down with my green smoothie in hand, and start to process what I've been feeling.

What do I want to write about? What has been weighing on my heart and mind recently. I start to write, then see that I have a new message in my inbox, so I go check it. Then I remember I needed to check my editorial calendar to see what else I need to get written and for whom. Ooh, another email, this time telling me about a great sale on fabric. I need some new skirts, something that fits me and will keep me cool and looking chic in this unrelenting hot weather. I click the link, go drool over fabric, then come back to write more.

And just as quickly as it comes, my "me time" is gone. Libby is asking for a vitamin, I give it to her. Then I sit again and she is moving my chair and wants something to eat, wants a kiss on her finger, wants my attention.

Now my children want "Me Time" too. They win.

Forget Me Not

2011-09-25T14:28:00.001-05:00

Last night I had the opportunity to attend the General Relief Society Meeting for my Church. While all the talks were fabulous and uplifting, these words spoke to my heart.

Regardless of what religion you are, please watch this. These words give me comfort and peace. I need to listen to them again and again and again, and know that someone here needs to hear them today.

Play is the Childs Work

2011-09-22T09:06:00.002-05:00

She is a puppy and licks my arm. He is Harry Potter and speaks in his English accent whenever he can. She is a Princess and draws out her stories every chance she gets.

My kids have great imaginations. They live in their imaginations and play make believe every chance they get.

They are best friends. They have inside jokes, secret languages, and games where only they know the rules.

They laugh, they cry, they fight, they make up. They are never angry at each other for long. They can't be.

They are each other's best playmates and play is what they do. I once heard that play is the child's work.

We take that very seriously around these parts. They live in their imaginations, and I am so glad. When they come home from school, we do homework and then PLAY. There are no extra curricular activities to get in the way. They have the whole world in front of them to explore.

Because someday, I won't be around and they will have only each other. The memories they make while playing are what will help to form these relationships that last forever.

They play together, they play alone, we play as a family. These are the moments that bond us like cement. These are the moments that we will always remember.

These are the moments that I know I will never forget.

This post is part of the GoGo Squeez and Story Bleed Day of Play Blog Carnival. They are encouraging families to get out and play together this Saturday. I am planning on it, are you?

I Love Pregnancy :: Million Moms Challenge

2011-09-21T09:00:00.004-05:00

When I was a teenager, I knew that I would want drugs when I had a baby. My favorite thing to say was, "God gave man the smarts to invent drugs for a reason. Stick that needle in my back and give me relief!"

When I found myself pregnant with my first child however, I my tune was different. My sister had two homebirths, and while I knew I would NEVER do that (never say never) she had really good experiences both times. My sister-in-law had just had a baby two years earlier in a birth center, and I thought that was such a great alternative.

I had researched and knew exactly how I wanted birth to be. I knew that I would have a natural, drug-free birth with a Certified Nurse Midwife in the hospital. I knew my baby would be born gently, peacefully and would nurse right away.

Continue reading at ABC News.

To Be Surrounded with Beauty

2011-09-20T07:34:00.001-05:00

I want to surround myself with beauty.

To dive into a picture and live in that house. The one with the perfectly placed furniture, art on the walls, the impossibly clean kitchen...I want to bury myself in those couch pillows and drink hot cider while watching the rain pelt the window.

Photo Credit House of Turquoise

I want to surround myself with beauty.

To feel so close to Heaven that I could just reach out my hand and touch it. To feel once again so close to God and be reminded this is all part of His plan.

I want to be better, to do better.

Today I surround myself with imperfections. My imperfect, beautiful life. The holes in the walls waiting to be patched, the LEGO's scattered to and fro, the ~~papers~~ love notes that have been drawn and written by my children littering every surface available.

The dirty floors, dirty dishes, laundry waiting to be folded, yelling children, yelling Mama. Happy squeals, makeshift tree swings, sweaty stinky children playing.

I want to surround myself with beauty. And I do.

Linking up with Heather and her Just Write challenge. Join us, won't you?

sneaky grief

2011-09-19T13:00:00.001-05:00

grief is sneaky.

typically i am so busy that i don't have time to grieve. i don't have time to dwell. i don't have time to remember. it's not like it was in those first days, weeks, months and years. it's not like it was when there was just me and my very little son (both inutero and out). these days i go go go...i try to run hard enough that the grief can't sneak up on me. i go go go trying to outrun the grief, trying to get ahead of it. trying to outsmart it.

i like it this way. i like to stay busy so i don't have to think about the 3rd grader i don't get to pick up today.

emma's angel day was busy this year. i didn't cry. at all. i didn't have time.

it was the kids' first day of school, my friend michelle and i went to lunch, the kids came home, we skyped with my folks in the philippines, jeremy's sister and her kids came from kansas. it was insane.

i felt guilty about not crying the next day and the next and the next.

but you know what? i don't think emma cares if i cry or not. i don't think she thinks i love her any less and i know she wouldn't want me to abandon all else that needed to be done just because it was the day she died.

but then, just when i say it's ok that i didn't cry, i see a picture of someone from my past. someone with a child a few weeks younger than emma. someone whose child got to live and grow up. and then it hits. and it is unfair and it hurts. i get mad, i get jealous, i lash out at everyone around me, i eat and then i surrender and i cry.

it has happened so many times. a song, an outfit i think she would have looked cute in, a smell, a picture, a thought. something so simple can bring me to my knees and extract sobs from the deepest part of my soul.

when my soul becomes as parched as the texas desert, grief comes and is a rain storm for my heart. it cleans, refreshes, renews. it knows what i need before i do.

i feel it coming. i am harder on my kids, on myself, on others around me. i snap more. i eat more. i am more easily frustrated. i know this cycle. i know what to expect. i can feel it coming so i run harder trying to escape it. and just when i think i have...

i will break down.

like i said, grief is sneaky. it gets me every time.

Work Work Work.

2011-09-15T04:00:00.002-05:00

I don't believe in allowance.

I used to, but don't anymore. A couple years ago we started giving our children allowance of 10 cents per year of age (5 = 50 cents). It was working great...for a while. But we found that when our children didn't have to do anything to get that money, they became really demanding. They started to have the attitude that we owed them money just for them being in our family.

Yeah, that's not okay.

So, Jeremy and I got rid of allowance. No longer do you get paid just for gracing us with your presence dear children! I have to work for my money, so why shouldn't they?

This weekend, we instituted the Job Jar. This magnificent little jar has stopped the "give me money" syndrome that was taking over our house. The children love going and picking a color and a job and then getting to work!

Here are the rules - you can not earn more than $3.00 a week. You can not earn any money from the Job Jar until your chores that you have to do are done. Once a chore is done, that stick is taken from the job jar until Mom needs it done again.

The jobs are broken into payment categories. Orange is the easiest and therefore worth the least amount (10 cents). Blue is the hardest and worth the most (50 cents).

Our children have to put 10% of their earnings into savings and 10% to charity. We want them to learn not only to work hard for their money, but to be smart with it and give to others.

My hope is that this is something we can do for as long as our children are in the house. I want to inspire them to do their best and to give them opportunities to earn money by working hard.

Do you do allowance in your house? If not, what do you do when your kids want money? How do you inspire your children to work and do a good job?

This post is part of the Hallmark Life is a Special Occasion Campaign. I am lucky enough to be blogging for Hallmark the rest of this year about different topics. This month's theme is inspiration, and I want to know how you inspire your kids to work hard!
Be sure to head over to Hallmark's site and sign up for their newsletters. Who knows, I might even pop up in one of the newsletters! Also, at the bottom of the page, you can see all the Hallmark Bloggers and read what everyone has to say. It is truly inspiring reading!
While I am compensated to write this post, as always the words are all mine and can not be bought.

DIY Dollhouse

2011-09-14T09:44:00.001-05:00

A certain little someone had a birthday last week. I know, you had no idea, did you? ;)

We are pretty frugal around these parts, and birthdays are not a big present day. I like to make things for my kids for their big days whenever I can and this year was no different.

Libby has a family she loves to play with. It is a Mom, Dad, baby and sister. Her barbies and other dolls become part of the family often also. This poor family was living in the barn with the animals. I decided that is no way to live, so we did something about it.

Yep, it's as easy as it looks. All we used was a 3 shelf bookshelf and I put some fun scrapbook paper on each of the "floors". I had some wall vinyls from a project I did for the girls' room in Logan, so I used that for the upstairs room. Jeremy didn't have time to make a real roof, so this cardboard one will work for now :) She loves it so so so much. And I am so so so glad.

**Update** The furniture is here!!! The family now has a place to cook, lounge, and sleep. I got Ryan's Room Toys from Amazon and we LOVE them. The quality and detail are amazing. I highly recommend this furniture and think we will be buying a bathroom to go in the attic ;)

What do you do for your kids' birthdays? Do you like to make things for them?

Running Scared.

2011-09-13T06:00:00.003-05:00

I had a bad day. I eat.

I had a good day. I eat.

I have friends or family visiting. We eat.

You want to know what there is to do in my town? I'll take you to my favorite places...to eat.

See a pattern here? Me too.

I eat and I feel terrible after. I eat cookies, brownies, coconut milk ice cream (YUM!), chocolate chips, nut balls (disguised as healthy, but I know they aren't), granola bars, pie, cupcakes...whatever I can get my hands on that contain sugar...and chocolate.

I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.

I read her words this morning and with heavy heart, realize that my eating isn't much different than her drinking.

It consumes me. What am I going to eat? When am I going to eat? Who am I going to eat with, or how can I hide it from Jeremy?

I know it's not healthy, but I don't know that I am strong enough to do what I need to to change it.

I justify in my brain that it's not like drinking, because you can avoid alcohol, you can't avoid food.

My friends say it's not healthy to deprive yourself of sugar. Chocolate makes everything better. You just had a baby, give yourself time.

Maybe if I could stop at one bite...but I'll eat the whole thing and still want more.

Bigger than I've ever been, more uncomfortable in my skin than I've ever been and I am scared. I am scared of changing. I am scared of making that commitment.

More than anything though, I am scared of failing. I am scared of failing...again.

I am linking up with my dear friend Heather, and her Just Write Challenge. Join us, won't you?

Flee

2011-09-12T07:49:00.000-05:00

How old are you?

Um, flee.  But Mama? This is not the best day ever. I do not want to be flee. I like being two.

Why baby?

Betuse 2's can have binkies still and I just want a binkie in my mouth.

Liberty Jane is Three

2011-09-09T05:25:00.004-05:00

She is Three.

How is this possible?

When did this baby girl

fall in love with pink,

spaghetti,

cookies,

and clementines?

When did she

learn how to spin,

dance,

sing,

and melt my heart?

Where has the time gone?

A few bits and bobs about my Liberty.

Her favorite song is "Hourglass" by Mindy Gledhill. When she sings, "don't turn around and grow up way too fast" I think to myself that she is doing just that.
She LOOOVES her baby brother more than anything in the world and is such a fantastic big sister.
She would eat clementines and crackers all day long if I let her. (and sometimes I do)
She loves to play family (fa-mil-y) and it is the biggest treat in the world if you ask to play it with her.
Libby is my snuggle puppy. She loves to snuggle and so do I...so we're pretty good with that one.
However, with that sweetness comes SASS! She has an attitude as big as Texas...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess!
She just had her first haircut ever, we cut off about 2 inches and it breaks my heart to see how long it was and how short it is now.
Libby has the most beautiful eyes. Such a light color blue and the shape is like her Daddy's. She is just a beauty.
She loves to swim, ride her bike, play any ball game (especially basketball which consists of throwing the basketball to me), and really anything else that her brother and sister do.
And when she is tired (which she frequently is since she wakes with the birds) she plays with her belly button and sucks her thumb. This started when Elliott was born and she couldn't kiss her brother (my belly button) anymore.

Happy Birthday to my Liberty Jane. You are an amazing little person and I can't wait to see who you become.

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

When She's The Oldest at Home...

2011-09-06T20:42:00.000-05:00

"Mama? Tan we go to Tat Holly Part? Please Mama?"

Normally my response would be "No baby, it's too hot today". But today it was not.

We went to the park. I pushed her on the Merry Go Round and in the swings. She flew like Superman (or girl) and went down the slides "1 more time, otay Mama?" over and over and over.

And it was perfect.

Love for Arianne

2011-09-02T16:12:00.000-05:00

There are people you meet in your life who you feel like you've known forever. People who you meet online, then in real life and think, "haven't I always known you?"

I have a handful of these friends that I have met online. One of them is throwing a virtual shower for another one!

Waiting for Wicked in New York. Yep, I'm a hot sweaty mess. Aren't they gorgeous though?

Arianne is one of my favorite people in the world. She and I have similar parenting styles, philosophies about life, and Angel daughters waiting for us up above.

Ari is pregnant and due any minute now. I found out she was pregnant at Blissdom this year. She pulled me aside and said with giddy anticipation, "I'm pregnant! but SHHHH don't tell anyone, ok? I'm only about 6 weeks". I squealed and hugged her tight. The babe in my womb jumped for joy.

I knew she would have an emotionally rough road. Just 18 months ago she gave birth to her sweet Mabel Love. Pregnancy + Grief = crazy emotions and lots of crying. LOTS OF CRYING.

But, I knew she could do it. And she has.

Ari and Sara on our way to a NYC apartment where we sang Newsies all night long.

So, to celebrate this amazing woman, who so many adore, our dear friend (and Ari's twin (not really, but OH MAN, you should SEE the two of them together. They really are twins)) Sara Sophia, has organized an amazing online baby shower!

Sara Sophia has contacted some of the most amazing companies to give Arianne fabulous gifts. And, those great companies are giving them to Sara Sophia's readers also!

But that is not all. Even though free stuff is amazing, there is another aspect to this shower that I especially adore. The writing. Arianne and Sara Sophia are writers at heart. Their words resonate with so many, and just flow off their fingertips. They appreciate good writing, and not so great writing (like mine, ha!).

So, Sara Sophia has contacted many of Arianne's friends to have us write a little something for her. My words come straight from my heart and my experience. I read them again and I cry every time because they are so so true.

Please join with me in showering Arianne with love as she prepares for the birth of her new beautiful baby.

Small Style :: A Style Her Own

2011-09-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

She has always had her own sense of style. No matter what I said, did, or encouraged, as soon as she could talk, she knew what she wanted.

Her style has blossomed and changed through the years, but has always been so very adventurous.

Mixing accessories, patterns and colors in ways I never would have thought of.

The brighter the colors, the bolder the look, the more she liked it.

I never said no. I never told her it didn't match, or it didn't look good. I let her do it hoping that one day, her sense of style would really come into it's own.

I think it has.

Last two photos:
Shirt - Target

Skirt - Target

Shoes - Target

Necklace - Allora Handmade

Sass - all hers :)

Linking up (a day late) with Mama Loves Papa Small Style.

Prairie Mama, Unplugged

2011-09-01T02:00:00.000-05:00

You are out with your family having a great time. You are playing at the park, swimming at the pool, or having a picnic. Something happens and immediately, you tell your husband,(who is the one with the fancy schmancy phone that allows you to do fun things) "Give me your phone so I can tweet this!". He does, you tweet it, and then get sucked into the lives of all your friends...and miss parts of yours.

Or...

After said event (or anytime you are out of the house) you get home get people settled (or if you are being totally honest, rely on your husband to get them settled) and you sit down to nurse the baby and check email. Although checking email quickly turns into reading Twitter feed, updating Facebook status, reading blogs and before you know it an hour has passed.

One more...

The kids are getting restless. There is fighting, you are stressed and don't want to deal with anything anymore. You walk over to the computer desk sit down and escape.

Sound familiar? It does to me.

My life was becoming fuzzy around the edges. I was feeling bad about myself, about my life, about...everything. I was worried if people weren't responding to me on Twitter. I was worried about the responses I was getting on Facebook. I was looking at my numbers far too frequently, and playing with my children far too little.

My kids were competing for my attention with my iPod and the computer. The baby was starting to cry when he saw me headed to the computer.

I knew something had to change, and quickly. No baby should be afraid of the computer!

For the last 2 days, I have been offline.

This wasn't easy. First, there were the logistics of it. With my new job, I had to research and write my posts for the next 2 days.

Also, I had to anticipate anything I might need online (hello maps!) and try to get it taken care of before I shut down.

Tuesday morning dawned and I didn't sit down at the computer. I got the kids off to school and when I would normally let Libby watch Sesame Street and I would catch up on what happened in the night online, I didn't.

I ate breakfast with my daughter. I played "family" with her. We read books, played Strawberry Shortcake, snuggled and giggled together. When the baby woke up, we went up together and played with him, changed his diaper, got him dressed and played some more.

My sister-in-law and her little girls are here visiting with us, so we were able to spend a great day together. I turned off the computer and tuned in to my little ones.

When the kids were tired and ready to rest, it was hard for me not to sit down and check my email. Instead, I sat and talked to my sister-in-law. I read an article in a magazine. I exercised different parts of my brain. OH! And I folded some laundry and did a few dishes.

When I got the big kids from school, I told my son what I was doing. He was SO excited. This is the boy who has always been able to articulate his feelings well. So there have been several times when he has asked me to stop being on the computer so much. During the Summer, he and I had a deal that I would only be on the computer when the kids were eating breakfast and lunch. This worked well...when I did it.

You see, this is my escape. This is where I hide when things get too overwhelming in my life. This is where I run to when I don't want to deal with whatever is going on in my world. I know this. I have talked to many a therapist about this at length. It is something I am cognizant of and something I work hard at changing.

This isn't the first time I have stepped away from the computer. I have done it when we have gone on vacations and I haven't had access to the internet. But, it is the first time I have done it when my computer was sitting right there on my desk beckoning me to "come, take a load off and let your mind wander..."

I didn't do it though. It is Wednesday night now, and all the kids (except the baby who is being stinker right now) are in bed.

It was hard. I found that my fingers got itchy to tell you all about the cute things my kids said or did. I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I wanted to ask Dr. Twitter about my 4 month old's insane amount of spit up. And if I said that I didn't want to tell you all how cute it was when, right after Libby threw up, she said, "Your yelling made me sick"...well, that would just not be true.

It was hard. But it was WORTH IT. The time I had with my family, is time I treasure. And this will not be the last time I go silent.

I don't have it in me to go silent for weeks or months. I like to talk too much. Writing is my therapy and I have many real and virtual friends in this space. To say I would walk away for an extended amount of time would be unrealisitic.

However, I have been inspired by this time, to take 1 day a week and sign off. This will be Sundays. Sunday is our family day. We don't have friends over to play, we don't watch TV or movies, so it makes sense that Mama doesn't get online.

I am going to play more board games, have more tickle fights, read more books, and be more present. My kids deserve it and so do I.

Are you inspired by my unplugging? If so, I want to urge you to take a day or two (or more if you're really brave) and turn off your computer. I would love to know how it works for you!

This post is part of the Hallmark Life is a Special Occasion Campaign. I am lucky enough to be blogging for Hallmark the rest of this year about different topics. This month's theme is inspiration, and I hope to inspire one (or more) of you to unplug from your online world and plug into your real one!
Be sure to head over to Hallmark's site and sign up for their newsletters. Who knows, I might even pop up in one of the newsletters! Also, at the bottom of the page, you can see all the Hallmark Bloggers and read what everyone has to say. It is truly inspiring reading!
While I am compensated to write this post, as always the words are all mine and can not be bought.

2011-08-29T22:31:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but sometimes life gets so busy, I am so tuned in with everything going on, that what is really important looks a little like this.

So, I am taking a day or two and unplugging completely. No internet, no TV. Just me and my kiddos.

I can't wait.

Something Good for the Weekend

2011-08-27T08:27:00.000-05:00

I didn't want to leave the picture of my injured leg up all weekend. So, I am giving you something good for the weekend...

Summer fun. Dirt digging, mud making, and children running in the hose water.

I love it.

Tell me something good for the weekend? What are your plans?

Also...I have a new gig - I am working for Where Women Cook as their blogger now! So, be sure to check me out over there every week!

Beware Of Piano Benches

2011-08-26T06:00:00.001-05:00

It was an average morning in my household. We were getting the children ready for school. Packing up bags, fixing hair, and filling stomachs to ensure a great day of learning.

When out of nowhere, the Piano bench my daughter was sitting on shoved a piece of it's self into my leg.

Exhibit A:

A 1/2 inch piece of Piano Bench freshly torn off

Exhibit B:

Half of the Splinter that was extracted from my leg

Exhibit C:


My leg after the splinter was removed using needles and a coring device.

Exhibit D:


Injury to scale

So, I tell you this as your friend. Beware of old piano benches. You never know when they are going to get an attitude and want to hitch a ride in your leg.

This Public Service Announcement was brought to you by the hole in my leg and the limp in my walk.

Small Style :: First Day of School

2011-08-25T06:00:00.003-05:00

The kids both picked out exactly what they wanted to wear on the first day of school. There was no swaying them, or changing their minds. They both have a definite sense of fashion!

The Kindergartener's and 1st Graders had an assembly the first day of school. Amelia sat down with her class and a few minutes later another little girl joined her class wearing the same thing. Instead of being mortified that she was wearing something someone else was wearing (thank Heavens we have a few years before that happens) she was so excited!!! They had a couple of kids sitting between them, and by the time they got to me in the parade, they were standing next to each other. Love how easily that girl makes friends.

Seth:
Sommer Stallion Shirt - PTA Fundraiser
Carter's Shorts from Zulily
Shoes - New Balance from last year. Waiting on the next paycheck for his new ones!
Backpack - Walmart from 2 years ago. Rock Chalk Jayhawk!

Amelia:
Dress - Target
Shoes - Target
Backpack -Stephen Joseph from Baby Earth

And of course, Libby can not be forgotten. She took as much time picking out her duds for the first day of school as the other two did. She was just sad when she didn't get to stay. We went to get a donut after and she told me, "Mama, donuts make my feelings feel better." Oh baby, I know it ;)

Libby -
Shirt from Children's Place
Shorts - Kohls
Shoes - Target flip flops that she wears all the time!

I am linking up with Mama Loves Papa Small Style today. Won't you play along?

First Day

2011-08-24T06:00:00.001-05:00

I always loved the first day of school. The smell of glue and markers and fresh crayons in the morning. Finding out who was in my class, making new friends, doing new things.

It is no different for these two.

Best Friends

With 10 Kindergarten classes and 9 First Grade classes, this was about 1/3 of all the students in the Cafeteria for the K/1st morning assembly. This school is HUGE!

They both went in without so much as a goodbye to their Mama and sister. Libby asked, "Where is Melia? We need to go get her! She will be too sad and will miss us too much!"

Oh no baby girl, it is not she who will miss us, it is US who will miss her and your brother.

When we went to pick up the kids, Amelia was so tired, but had a fabulous day. She didn't play with anyone at recess, still trying to figure out friends and where she fits - I know this because she is so much like me. She loves her Teacher and even picked her flowers on the way home.

Seth, well, Seth had a Seth day at school. This boy thrives on structure and routine. Anyone who has ever had a first week of school knows that structure and routine are not what happen right away. He is feeling pretty lousy right now, but he has a FABULOUS Teacher this year, she even called him tonight to chat with him after I shared some of my concerns with her in an email.

It is Teachers like this that will make this year so great for my kids.

How about you guys? Have your kids started school? What was the first day like for them? I want to hear from everyone; public and homeschool Mamas, tell me your experiences!

August 23.

2011-08-23T09:18:00.000-05:00

We were up at 6:30 this morning. A buzz of excitement ran through the house like electricity. Amelia got up easier than she ever has, as she is my girl who loves to sleep. She was dressed and in my room to do her hair before I even had to ask.

They both looked so good...dressed in their favorite duds, ready for a new year for Seth and a first year for Amelia of school.

As we braved the traffic, the hoards of students (and parents) and made our way to the school, I couldn't help wondering how different my life could have, should have, would have been.

Today I should have been taking my 3 big kids to school. I should have had to get up just a little bit earlier because I'd have 2 girls who needed their hair done. I should have had to stop at the stairs in the school to kiss Emma goodbye and wish her a great first day of 3rd grade. Then I should have kissed Seth and Amelia and told them to watch for their big sister after school.

Instead, I kissed Seth goodbye, watched Amelia's Kindergarten parade, kissed her goodbye and wiped tears from Libby's eyes as she realized Amelia wasn't coming home with us.

Instead of waiting to hear about the first day of school from my 3 big kids, I will only hear about it from 2.

Instead of having an 8 year 8 month 8day old who is in 3rd grade, I have this.

I have a baby who stopped growing. I have a daughter who I remember with all my heart and soul, but whose voice I have forgotten.

I have a piece of my soul that left me 8 years ago today. I have a hole in my heart that will never be filled. I have an ache in my arms that can not be cured. My body feels a thirst for her that can not be quenched.

Emma has 4 siblings who don't get to play with her. She has 2 brothers and 2 sisters who don't know what it is like to have an older sister here on this Earth. She has 2 sisters who want nothing more than to play dolls, barbies, family and dressups with her. She has a brother who wants to play Legos, Ninjas and Pirates with her. She has a baby brother who wants her to hold him, make him giggle, and play with him.

She has a Mama and a Daddy who lost a part of themselves the day she died. She has 2 Parents who would give the world to have her back in their arms again.

Today should have been much different than it was. My picture files of her shouldn't have stopped on August 22, 2003. My world should have kept going on August 23, 2003. I should know what it's like to have her here.

I should know what she would look like. I should know how dark and long her hair would be. Would it be unruly like mine and Amelia's? Would it be curly like her Aunt's? Would she look as much like Jeremy's sister now as she did then? Would she want to do dance or karate or swim? Would she tan easily in the summer like her siblings? Would she have Bieber Fever? Would I be okay with it? What kind of music would she like? What would her taste in fashion be? Who would be her best friend? What kinds of secrets would they tell? What games would she like?

I have these and a million other questions. I think of these questions and then push them back down into the dark recesses of my heart. It hurts too much to think about it. It hurts too much to remember what is gone. It hurts too much. It hurts too much. It hurts too much.

My daughter should have started 3rd grade today. Instead, I am remembering the 8th anniversary of her death.

And I hate every moment of it.

Torn

2011-08-22T11:34:00.000-05:00

It is amazing to me how so much of my heart can be stuck in one place

August 22, 2003...our last picture

And still be so present in another.

Oh my heart. I love these people so much and they make tomorrow just a little bit easier.

4 More Days.

2011-08-19T15:53:00.000-05:00

Mom? How many more days until school starts?
I don't know sweetie.
Can you count?
Nope.
PLEASE MOM! I can't wait for school to start, PLEASE count the days! PLEASE!

This dialogue has been on repeat all Summer. My answer has been the same everyday until August 1. I wouldn't count the days. It's not because I am morally opposed to counting down the days to school. It is not because I don't want my kids to start school. It is not because I am lazy, or mean, or anything else.

It is because school starts on August 23 and I don't want to know how many more days until August 23.

I don't want to know how many more days until the day I dread more than any other has come and smacked me in the face. I don't want to know how many more days until another year has gone by since my daughter died.

And yet, here it is.

Tuesday is August 23. The day my kids can't wait for, and the day I dread. Three of my five children will be gone from me on that day. The one day I want all my family close to me and I can't have them. The day that my heart breaks into a million pieces all over again. And it will just be me, Libby and Elliott.

I will put on a smile for my children as they go to school. I will encourage their excitement of the day, and pray that they have a wonderful first day of school.

And then I will come home, eat brownies for breakfast and cry.

Small Style :: Let's PLAY!

2011-08-18T08:14:00.000-05:00

The weather has started to cool down a bit, it was only about 98F last night, so we have been taking advantage of the nice weather and playing outside again!

This one loves playing basketball with Daddy. And by playing basketball, I mean bouncing the ball back and forth. Look how patiently she is waiting for that ball!

This is my monkey. We have a huge tree in our front yard, and he loves to climb it. Once he's climbed it, he just jumps down, about 5 feet or so, to the ground. No fear.

And this sweet girl is just so happy that she climbed the tree all by herself!!! But, when it came time to get down....she looked a little more like this:

And all that excitement of climbing the tree was gone :) She made it down with Mama's help, and will try again, I am sure!

Now for the fashion part. I have to laugh when I write that because I am no fashionista, and really neither are my kids. They just grab what they like and wear it. It often makes for interesting combinations, especially with Libby.

On Seth:
Shirt - Kohls
Shorts - Grandma Made
Shoes - New Balance

On Libby:
Shirt - Jock's Nitch in Lawrence, KS (gotta have our Jayhawk Gear!)
Pants - Walmart
Shoes - Target

On Amelia:
Shirt - Old Navy
Skirt - Walmart
Attitude - all her!

I am linking up with Mama Loves Papa Small Style today. You totally should join in the fun, what better excuse to take pictures of your kiddos??

*Also, please go read my newest post on breastfeeding. I would love to have your thoughts.

If You Don't Breastfeed, I Won't Judge You

2011-08-17T01:00:00.000-05:00

When I was pregnant with Emma, I went to childbirth classes, La Leche League meetings, and Attachment Parenting groups. I knew what kind of a Mom I would be. I would be a drug-free, intervention-free birther, a child led weaning breastfeeder, and would never yell at my kids. I was going to be the best Mom ever, no doubt about it.

When Emma was born though, it was a different story. She was footling breech, so I needed the expertise of a good Doctor to deliver her via C-Section. She was a sleepy baby, so I came thisclose to using the formula the hospital gave me. She didn't live long enough for me to lose my temper with her, but I am sure I would have.

In the last 9 years, my parenting has shifted, changed, and adapted to what is best for my children and my family.

I have always been blessed with an abundance of breastmilk. Actually, I am blessed with an over abundance of breastmilk, which can be a problem in and of its self.

I am going to be brutally honest and tell you something. When Emma and Seth were babies, I looked down my nose at those who were bottle feeding. I thought to myself, "They just didn't try hard enough." or "they are lazy and don't love their baby as much as I love mine, because I am giving my child the best" or "They just didn't have the right education or support because SURELY if they did, they would be breastfeeding".

While I am ashamed to admit it now, that was my attitude until Amelia was a baby. I was at a La Leche League meeting when a Mom came in and was feeding her baby with a bottle. I was a bit taken aback and was shocked that she would bring artificial nipples and BOTTLES into LLL. Then, I looked at her baby. Her baby had a cleft palate and couldn't nurse. She pumped all the time to still give her baby breastmilk, it was just in a bottle.

My attitude started to shift. I began to see Mamas giving their babies bottles a little differently. I realized that just like no one knows my struggles and my story, I don't know theirs. A bit of tolerance was born.

In the last 5 years, I have met MANY Mamas who try and try and try to breastfeed and for one reason or another, they just can't. Either they don't have a great supply, they have to go back to work and can't afford a good pump, or they have health issues that keep them from breastfeeding.

When I got pregnant with Seth, I hated when people assumed that he was my first. I hated that they assumed I knew nothing about having a baby. I hated that people thought that Seth was the oldest...I still do actually. But, that experience taught me to never judge by what I see on the outside.

There are Women who struggle with their decision to breastfeed or not. But here is the thing, it is their decision, not ours. It is not anyone's place to judge what someone else chooses for their family. As long as it is not putting their children and family at risk, who are we to judge?

The breast vs. bottle debate is a big one and it has been going on for decades. There have been Moms in both camps saying they are right and the other is wrong. I feel that now, we are starting to actually listen to each other, and that we are learning that what is right for one person, might not be right for someone else. We are listening and learning and growing together.

While I believe that unequivocally breast is best...I also believe that sometimes it isn't enough. I know that I am very blessed to be able to nurse my babies and have them be healthy, happy, and thriving. But, I am also not so naive as to believe that is the case for everyone. I know that there are women who try, and just can't. I know that there are women who don't even want to try and while I *cough* still have a hard time with that, I respect them and their choices they make for their families. See, I can not agree with something you do, and still respect you and your choices. Just like I would hope you would do for me.

No one likes to be judged. No one like assumptions to be made about them. We will not make any headway in educating people about breastfeeding by being militant, close minded, and down right rude. Annie, from PhD in Parenting, just wrote an amazing post about this very issue. Until we can stop yelling and stop judging, we won't get anywhere.

So, let's stop for a minute and listen. We may be amazed what we will hear in the quiet.

Sweet Relief

2011-08-16T06:00:00.004-05:00

You know when you have triple digit days every day for months on end and no rain for 3 months, and then it rains?

Yeah, it was just like that.

Thank Heavens for the rain, and please send more.

They Will Be Ok...and So Will I.

2011-08-15T01:00:00.004-05:00

In just a matter of days I will have half as many children in my house.

While I am excited about the quiet that will bring, I am also nervous for Seth and Amelia and nervous for Libby and Me.

We have a nice groove going on here. Everyone is used to everyone being in their business. Libby's best friends are her brother and sister. She is going to be lonely. I will need to remember what it is like to have a 2 year old and a baby only again! Amelia will be in all day Kindergarten, and will have more structure than she ever has. Seth will be in 2nd grade and have to make all new friends this year.

When Seth started Kindergarten, I called it free preschool. In Utah Kindergarten is 2 1/2 hours long. It wasn't any big deal to me to have him gone for a bit of the day. By the time I dropped him off, I had a little time to do a couple of things, and then it was right back to get him. He had done preschool the Spring before Kindergarten, so I was accustomed to him being gone for a bit of the day.

Photo by Sarah Long, Joyful Photography

Amelia didn't do preschool. We couldn't afford it, moved, had babies, etc. There was always a reason as to why I should keep her out, so, besides dance and Sunday School, this is really her first formal schooling experience.

Photo by Heather Himmer

I worry about her. I worry about how she will do. What will she do when she's hungry in the middle of the day? That girl is ALWAYS hungry. She is also so sensitive and can (and does) cry at the drop of a hat. I worry about her going, being with someone who doesn't know and love her like I do. She has such a sweet spirit, and can get her feelings hurt very easily. I want her to have a great experience, but I can't guarantee that. It is hard giving up control over every interaction that she might have.

Photo by Heather Himmer

Seth has such a strong personality. He is outgoing, strong willed, loud and opinionated. He is loving, giving, happy, and energetic. He has always had a difficult time with change and I am sure this year will be no different. With 1100 students in their school, it is very unlikely that there will be anyone in his class he knows. When there are 9 classes in his grade, the classes can be different every year. I worry about how he will do having to make new friends again, and again, and again.

Photo by Sarah Long of Joyful Photography

I worry about these things and then I remember how resilient kids are. They adapt, they change, they grow, they learn. They know they always have me to come back to. They know despite what happens at school, Mama is here to love them, listen, and help them.

As I am anticipating the start of school and the changes it will bring, I am thinking about ways to ease this transition for everyone.

I love walking home from school with the kids. It gives us a chance to catch up and chat about their days. I also love putting notes in their lunches. Since Seth didn't take lunch until 1st grade, when he was already reading, I wrote little notes. For my pre-reader Miss Amelia, I will draw little pictures for her. Something for her to get in the middle of the day from Mama.

Libby is going to need a little extra TLC with her best buddies gone all day. So, I am planning on she and I having game time everyday. It will be special Mama and Libby time where she can choose what we do, games, play-doh, reading books, whatever she wants.

Something else we do is have nightly chats. I love this time when I can sit with my kids and just talk to them about their days. I always ask what was your favorite part of the day and what was your least favorite part of the day? This gives us a chance to really talk about what was going on that day.

I am hoping by having these ideas in place it will not only ease the transition for my kids but also for me. Because I am going to miss having all my chicks in my nest. I love my babies and love having them underfoot all day. It is going to be hard to let go of them again, but I know they can do it and so can I.

But, I want to know, how do you encourage your kids in the not so easy times of life? How do you encourage yourself when you don't want to let go, but know you have to?

This post is part of the Hallmark Life is a Special Occasion Campaign. I am lucky enough to be blogging for Hallmark the rest of this year about different topics. This month's theme is encouragement, and I couldn't think of a better way to talk about encouragement.
Be sure to head over to Hallmark's site and sign up for their newsletters...you might even see me over there from time to time!
While I am compensated to write this post, as always the words are all mine and can not be bought.

Le Sigh

2011-08-12T06:00:00.001-05:00

I have lots of thoughts weighing on my mind. Thoughts about public breastfeeding and the heat that it takes in the media. Thoughts about comments (or lack thereof), thoughts about my children and how they will adjust to school life...many heavy, heavy thoughts.

I sat down to write about 1 or all of them, but the words aren't coming out the way I want. They are not flowing off my fingertips in the fashion I want.

So instead, I will share these pictures of my darlings. These little people make everything else seem so unimportant and silly.

Who cares if I don't get any comments on a post? That isn't what is important. That doesn't declare my worth. How well I love, care for and raise these little people is what matters.

Small Style :: First Time for Everything!

2011-08-11T10:33:00.000-05:00

I have seen a few of my friends link up with Mama Loves Papa Small Style every Thursday for a while now. I decided to finally take the plunge, because my girls (and boys, but today it is just the girls) have got STYLE ;)

On Libby:
Shirt: Toffee and Apple Brand from Cracker Barrell

Pants: Mama Made

Shoes: Target

On Miss Amelia:
Bow - Target

Shirt - Target

Capri's - Kohls

I love letting my kids pick out their own clothes. Amelia has always had a great sense of style, and it just gets better as she gets older. She is starting to see what coordinates and whatnot, but we still have days where everything is pink, and I love those days!

Libby is really coming into her own with her style choices. She actually has a dress that matches those pants, but she loves this shirt with the little girl and braids on it. So, go for it baby, have your style and ROCK IT!

Babywearing FlashMob

2011-08-10T07:50:00.000-05:00

When I was living in Salt Lake City, I helped run the first Breastfeeding Cafe in the Downtown Public Library. It was always a great opportunity to educate people about breastfeeding, babywearing and general attachment parenting issues. It was also an opportunity for people to see women breastfeeding (in public!!!) as a normal thing. One of our goals was to promote the normalcy of breastfeeding. There were always children running around wearing their babies and "nursing" their babies just like their Mamas.

I loved being part of the cafe the two years we were there. This morning I found out what special event they did at the Cafe this year, a Babywearing Flash Mob! I have friends in this mob and was so excited to be able to pick them out and find them.

Y'all know how I feel about babywearing. It goes hand in hand with breastfeeding and is one of the best things you can do for your babies. I mean, come on, who wouldn't love something that allows you to DANCE while loving on your baby???

To Utah, With Love...

2011-08-08T08:20:00.000-05:00

I don't have the words to express what a great time I had in Utah. I ate, I cried, I laughed (a lot), I hugged, I loved.

It was so great seeing my family and so many of my friends again. Elliott got to meet his Uncles, Aunts and Cousins for the first time and they LOOOOVED on him.

I am so grateful for the time I had to spend in the much cooler weather, with people I love so much. Thanks so much everyone! Can't wait to see you again!

click to make bigger, cause some of these pictures just NEED to be seen!

For My Babies :: World Breastfeeding Week

2011-08-05T09:29:00.000-05:00

This one is for each of my babies...

Who worked with me,

Learned with me,

And have helped me,

To have wonderful breastfeeding relationships.

I love each of them more than they will ever know and have cherished the last 9 years of breastfeeding.

Yes, I have been pregnant, breastfeeding or BOTH for the last 9 years and 5 months. I wouldn't trade a second of it either.

My Sister, My Friend

2011-08-01T04:00:00.003-05:00

I always assumed friends came from outside your family. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. As kids, we were not the best of friends. As we have grown, we have become better friends. I never would have imagined when my older brother married his sweetheart that she would become my best friend someday.

Stephanie has been an amazing support for me in the last 20 years she has been my sister. This last weekend, I had the opportunity to go back to Utah to see family, and stayed with them. I have been pondering a lot, and reflecting on our friendship and how it has grown through the years.

Stephanie has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders. She sees the best in everyone, loves with all of her heart, and has more patience than Job. As the Mother of 8 children (yes, 8!!!), she has been my prime Mothering example. Her love for her children, my brother, and God, has brought her through many difficult times.

It was through her that I first had the inkling that maybe, just maybe, I could birth without drugs. She taught me that Women are STRONG and capable. When Emma was born, she was there. When I didn't know how to nurse my baby, she talked me through it and helped me to have an amazing breastfeeding relationship with my girl.

When my world crumbled down around me, she, having just moved to Utah from Kansas that week, was on the first flight to me. She held me, encouraged me to eat, prayed for me, cried with me, and stood by me as I not only buried my baby, but faced the aftermath of life without her.

In the 8 years since Emma's death, Stephanie and I have been through a lot. She added 2 more babes to her family. When one of them was critically ill, I pulled up my bootstraps and did all I could to give her the love and support she gave me.

It isn't often that we are blessed enough in life to find a friend who you feel you have known forever. I was lucky that my brother found my soul sister and married her.

It is my prayer that my girls find someone in their lives who love them, lift them up and encourage them the way Stephanie does me. Because one good friend really does make the whole difference in life.

**This post is part of the Hallmark Life is a Special Occasion Campaign. I am lucky enough to be blogging for them for the rest of the year. This month I was asked to write about encouragement, and I couldn't think of a better theme for the month of August!
Be sure to sign up for Hallmark emails for great ideas and ways to honor those special people in your life. All words are mine, as always.

I'll Be Back!

2011-07-27T09:56:00.000-05:00

My little bundle of Sunshine is taking his first Airplane ride today.

We are headed to Utah for a few days to see family and friends and say goodbye to my parents before they embark on the next chapter of their lives.

I can't wait!

If You Can't Say Something Nice...

2011-07-26T06:00:00.011-05:00

*Hallmark winners are announced!! If you were one of the first 10 commenters on this post, please email me your info at kimborchert (at) gmail (dot) com. And for the random giftie from me....#13 Mama Bee!!! Shoot me an email Kristal! And thanks for all your comments everyone! Get writing!

I have been blogging for 5 years. I have been reading blogs for about 7 and an active part of online forums since I was in College 15 years ago (oh the chat rooms...those were good times). People voice opinions, what they like/dislike, whatever is on their minds and other people either agree or disagree. This is how life is offline and on.

Where the big difference between online and offline lies, is in the comments. Haters are out there. There are entire blogs dedicated to hating people. Being online gives people a sense of security. They can say things they think without repercussion. They can post as "anonymous", not leave an email address and be completely untrackable (except by their IP address, but if you're anything like me, you wouldn't know what to do with said IP address anyway!). These folks can forget everything their Mama's taught them about manners, doing unto others, and other such basic playground behaviors, and do and say whatever they want.

This is a behavior that has long bothered me. I think of my blog as my home. I am essentially inviting you into my living room. Asking you to step over the Legos, ignore the cereal on the floor, dishes in the sink and spit up stains on my shirt. I am opening my home to you and while I may not show every single aspect of what goes on in my home, I am authentic and real.

So, when someone comes into my home and attacks me or attacks my family, that hurts. And it is something I don't understand.

I have certain blogs I love to read because of the way life is portrayed, the photos, the words. These blogs inspire me to be a better Wife, Mother and Woman. SouleMama, NieNie, CJane, Angry Chicken, Becoming Sarah, Mommy Coddle, Adventures in Babywearing...the list goes on and on and on.

I know that their portrayal of life isn't complete. I know that the things they share aren't everything that go on in their homes. I know that they are human, make mistakes, cry, laugh, scream, lose their tempers, etc. I know that things aren't always perfect and sunny in their worlds. I don't need to have them tell me these things in order for them to be authentic.

I have read comments on blogs that made my heart break, my blood boil, and have caused me to wonder, "Where has common decency gone?"

I understand jealousy. I have felt it. I have wanted to have the things that others have. I would love to have higher traffic on my blog, to have people wanting to meet me or buy a book I wrote. I would love to be able to support my family with my passion. And I admit, there have been times when I have read a blog where I thought, "Oh yeah, that is easy for you to say because of x,y, or z".

But here is the difference between me and the haters. I think these things and that is it. I don't write it. I don't go into someone elses home and show them disrespect. If I find that I am continually being rubbed the wrong way by a blogger, I stop reading their blog. I do not invest anymore time or energy into them, because it is not worth it.

Bloggers have become targets for hatred just like celebrities. And, since we are more accessible, we are easier targets. And "blog celebrities" take the brunt of it. There are sites dedicated to bringing down bloggers. I am not going to link to any of them because I don't want to give them any extra traffic. But the fact that there are entire sites full of people who are full of HATRED, just makes me sick.

I guess I just I don't understand what the draw is to bring other people down just because their life seems better than yours in some way. I don't understand when and why it became socially acceptable to hide behind your computer to bring someone else down.

To me, it just seems so very childish and is very easily fixed. If you don't like the blog, don't read it. If you don't agree with me, don't like the way I write, don't like how I parent or cook or take pictures or WHATEVER, don't read it.

For me, I guess I have taken the lessons I learned as a little girl very seriously. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Seems to me if we all listened to that advice, we would all be a lot happier.

The YMCA LOVES BREASTFEEDING!

2011-07-25T11:46:00.001-05:00

I caught a little flack last week with my post about breastfeeding.

I caught flack from those who thought I was an irresponsible parent (for not cleaning my nipples before each feeding), I was told I was lazy, and that I was fighting a battle not worth fighting.

I was chastised for my lack of respect for everyone else, and on twitter for not planning a nurse in at the YMCA pool.

But here is why I didn't feel the need to do that. I felt confident that a letter writing campaign to the YMCA would be enough.

And guess what? IT WAS!!!!

I received this email this morning and wanted to share it with all of you.

Kim,

Let me start by thanking you again for your e-mail and for providing me with a little time to research the entire situation. To start, it is not the Y’s policy to restrict any mother from breastfeeding in any way at our facilities. Our investigation into this situation revealed that our young aquatics staff were misinformed and reacted to one person’s personal objection. Without question, this is a critical error, but we take full responsibility for the mistake and have taken measures to correct it. Effective immediately, our staff has been made fully aware that mothers may breastfeed wherever they deem fit at our facilities – including the pool.

We are also working to create signage in the near future stating that our facility is friendly to breastfeeding. Additionally, for the benefit of all members and guests (these breastfeeding or not) we are seeking to create designated areas for mothers to breastfeed. Ideally, these future locations will be more private and comfortable if they so choose to use them. Again, the Y understands the importance of and laws surrounding breastfeeding and in no way wants to hinder mothers or their children. In conclusion, I apologize that this incident happened and hope you will provide us with another opportunity to serve you as we take measures to improve our operation.

Thank you again for bringing this situation to my attention and please feel free to contact me with any other concerns.

Jeff Andresen
President/CEO
YMCA OF GREATER WILLIAMSON COUNTY
P.O. Box 819, Round Rock, TX 78680

See? Sometimes writing a polite letter and being nice actually works!!!

He

2011-07-22T08:13:00.002-05:00

I watch him, all legs and arms. He is tan and blonde. He speaks big words, is inherently bossy, and carries his brother around. He is loud and active. He is a bundle of emotions that sometimes are just too big for him to know what to do with. He is sensitive and caring, sweet and loving, daring and brave.

With an imagination bigger than the sky, he builds worlds, battles Vikings, and brings peace and justice to all.

He is too young for social anxiety, yet old enough to understand the pecking order. He senses my moods and does his best to adapt to them. He knows what buttons to push, how to make me angry, how to make me sad, but mostly, how to make me laugh.

He lives, breathes and dreams Legos. He loves his sisters and brother fiercely, they are, without a doubt, his best friends.

He no longer has that baby smell, but that of a big boy who needs to bathe everyday. He is growing up before my eyes and I want to stop it. But I don't.

I watch him comb his hair. It is like mine, standing up no matter how hard he tries to get it to stay down. While he is only 7, I envision him as a young man, getting ready for a date or a night out with his friends.

I wonder who he will be then? What will he be like? What will his dreams be then? What will he love? Who will he love? My heart swells as I know I will get to find out the answers to these questions.

I sit and watch and wonder while nursing his baby brother and it feels like just yesterday it was him I was nursing.

Time flies on wings of lightning. This is the truth.

Where I'm From

2011-07-21T06:00:00.004-05:00

*Stephanie posted this on her blog and it has been swirling in my mind and heart ever since. So, I am joining in with this MeMe.

Where I'm From...

I am from corn fields, football games and popcorn. Swimming all day and skinny dipping at night. I am from fireworks by the pool and catching lightning bugs. I am from Yahtzee, Dominoes, and Wheel of Fortune. I am from peanut butter toast, rootbeer and Cheezies for lunch.
I am from sleeping on a cot in the front room while listening to Grandma's clock. From Buffet dining to Grandpa's steaks.
I am from running around the cul-de-sac in my swimsuit and sunburns. Metal swing sets and a chain link fence. Coming home when the street lights come on, then going right back out to play more games.
I am from making up plays with my siblings and the neighbor kids to show all the adults. I am from imaginary friends and make believe.
From babysitting all the neighbor kids, just like my sister and brother did.
I'm from vacations at the State Park, and World's of Fun. Long car rides and playing "Woah" in the station wagon.
I am from Spook Walks, trick or treating, and great costumes.
I'm from sleep overs, Tony's Pizza, Coke and Dance Party USA.
I'm from learning about Baltimore, Hairspray, big dogs, crab bakes and best friends.
I am from Thanksgivings with cousins, Aunts and Uncles. I am from playing on the farm, in the corn silo and riding the horses.
I am from Christmas morning casserole, Mom's cinnamon rolls, ham and lots of hugs and kisses.
I am from "I wish I had your figure and you had a feather", playing Beauty Shop, perms from Grandma, and swimming to get clean.
I am from bike riding, playing Star Wars, watching The Wizard of Oz, and playing with my brothers.
From being an Aunt at 13 and being the "cool aunt" to becoming a Mom myself one day.
I am from falling asleep listening to Mom and Dad play piano/violin duets, dreams of being famous, and singing in Church with the family.
From dance classes, rainbow wallpaper, and a Garfield telephone...IN MY ROOM!
Moving in 6th grade, then again in 10th. From cleaning out the house twice after it flooded. From the smell of mildew all over everything when we went in to clean it up.
From new schools, new friends, laughing late at night and sneaking in early in the morning.
Watching the Newsies at lunch, going to Olive Garden on Homecoming with my special someone when neither of us had dates. Not caring about Prom and that I didn't get asked. Swimming in the Great Salt Lake and hiking in the mountains.
I am from so many different places, and all of these things make me.

*Just a few days left to enter my Get Carded Challenge with Hallmark!

How do I follow up that last post?

2011-07-20T15:00:00.000-05:00

So...that was fun (she says sarcastically).

Honestly, I had no idea I would get such strong reactions from people on my last post. All I want is for some education, & consistent policies. I am happy to say that I have started a dialogue with the CEO of our local YMCA's, and am hopeful for a positive change.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled blogging :)

***
The last week of June, my parents and my niece came to visit. This was a very special visit as my parents are getting ready to leave for the Philippines for the next 2 years. They are going on a mission for our church, so this was the last time the kids will see them until they return.

We packed as much as we could into the 7 days they were here. But mostly it was a lot of snuggling, eating, playing, laughing, and memory making!

Grandpa playing "Family" with Libby

I didn't take nearly as many pictures as I wish I had. But, isn't that often the case? While my folks were here, we took the opportunity for my Dad to help Jeremy bless Elliott. He is the first one of our children to be blessed and not have family around. We were really grateful that my Parents were here for that.

So glad you were able to come visit Mom, Dad, and K.C. Love you and we can't wait to see you again in 2 years!!!!

**Be sure to check out my Get Carded challenge with Hallmark!

The Day I Was Told to Stop Breastfeeding at the YMCA

2011-07-19T01:17:00.010-05:00

Because we live in Texas where it is HOT, we do a lot of swimming. With that swimming come swimming lessons. When we moved here in January I joined the local YMCA because of their reasonable prices, family friendly atmosphere and benefits it would offer my family.

For the last 4 weeks my children have been in swimming lessons through the YMCA. On Monday we started a new session at a different pool than the one we had previously attended. This pool has a zero-depth entry area and a small step in the pool where I can sit and watch Libby swim.

While Seth and Amelia were swimming I was sitting on the step with my rear and feet in the water, watching Libby, when Elliott needed to nurse.

Now, I would have preferred to sit in a comfy lounge chair but that would have required getting Libby out of the pool. So, since I can nurse discreetly, and my torso wasn't in the water, I decided to sit on the step and nurse him. Full disclosure - I had on a Maternity Tankini, so everything but a part of my side were covered. There was no breast showing at all. In fact, some Moms were showing more skin than I was.

I sat there watching my kids, talking to another Mom for about 5 minutes when the Swim Lesson Coordinator approached me. She informed me that I couldn't nurse in the pool. When I asked her why she said it was because it was making other people uncomfortable and children were around and could see it.

I looked at her, wondering if she really had just said that to me, and said, "So? Then it can be a teaching moment for those children. They can learn what breasts are intended for." I say this because I think there is nothing traumatic or pornographic about breasts. There were other Mothers there showing more of their breasts than I was. Again, I was showing my SIDE BELLY FAT. And while I agree my side belly fat isn't pretty, the only person it is traumatic for is me.

She also told me I was welcome to nurse on the deck of the pool or in the bathroom. I asked if she wanted to eat in the bathroom.

She then said, "Well, it is making other people uncomfortable. They didn't want to come tell you, and I can't tell you who it is to protect their privacy."

I replied, "Well, I'm sorry they are uncomfortable, but that is their issue not mine. The law states that I have the right to breastfeed anywhere I have the right to be. So, I am going to nurse my baby".

She then looked at me (I could tell she was not sure what to do since I wasn't ashamed and was not apologizing to her for doing with my breasts what nature intended) and said, "Ma'am, you need to leave the pool because it is against pool policy to have bodily fluids in the pool. If you got milk in the pool we would have to clear everyone out and decontaminate the pool."

Yes she just said that. Decontaminate the pool.

I looked at her, stifled a laugh, and said, "Then you really should ban all pregnant and nursing Mother's from the pool because milk leaks all the time."

I got up, knowing I could get more flies with honey than vinegar, took Libby by the hand and told her we had to get out of the pool so her brother could eat. She burst into tears, and my heart just broke.

I sat down, took advantage of the free WiFi at the Y and sent out this tweet:

Then, I posted the same thing on Facebook. Within minutes, I had over 40 replies in both places.

The responses were generally of this variety:

As I sat there the girl (because let's face it, there are few adults who work at swimming pools) came over to me. She said, "Ma'am, I just checked with our pool director to make sure I was right and she said that you can nurse on deck or in the bathroom, but not in the pool because of the bodily fluids that could contaminate the pool". Again, I pointed out to her that with that logic all pregnant and nursing Mothers should be banned from the pool. She didn't know what to say, so I said, "Someday, you are going to be a Mom. I want you to remember this conversation". She then walked away.

By now it was time for Amelia's swim lessons. Other Moms were sitting around me and just couldn't believe what was going on. They were appalled just like me.

After I got Amelia into her lesson, I spoke with the pool Director. She reiterated what the other employee had said about the whole bodily fluid thing. She said she didn't know of anyone complaining, it was just not clean. I said, "I can assure you my breastmilk is a lot cleaner than the pee that hundreds of kids do in this pool everyday. It is also safer than the chlorine that is in the pool." She told me she understood where I was coming from, as she has a 1 year old herself. I assured her that I would rather be in the comfy lounge chair nursing, but was watching my toddler at the same time.

After a short discussion, she said it was fine to breastfeed in the pool. She said that her employees were just following the guidelines for bodily fluids, but that it was okay. I thanked her and asked that she please be sure to inform all of the employees about this situation. She said I was the first woman ever to breastfeed in the pool at the YMCA, so they had never had this situation before.

I have been breastfeeding for 8 1/2 years. I have breastfed in many different public locations; the cemetery, Arlington National Cemetery, walking through the streets of Philadelphia, on several airplanes, in airports, in Church, at the park, the Children's Museum, the mall, the grocery store...the list goes on and on and on.

Can you even tell he is nursing?

Twice I have been asked to stop doing it in a public place. Once at Church* and the second time at the YMCA. Both of which are very family friendly establishments.

Every State but 3 (Nebraska, West Virginia and Idaho) have laws protecting the rights of breastfeeding Mothers. Some States have better laws than others and it is always good to know the laws where you live.

The Texas Law states:

The legislature finds that breastfeeding a baby is an important and basic act of nurture that must be encouraged in the interests of maternal and child health and family values. In compliance with the breastfeeding promotion program established under the federal Child Nutrition Act of 1966 (42 U.S.C. Section 1771 et seq.), the legislature recognizes breastfeeding as the best method of
infant nutrition.

A mother is entitled to breastfeed her baby in any location in which the mother
is authorized to be.

Though these laws are on the books at the state level, there is still an incredible lack of education at the local level and in many places of business.

So now I call for change. I want for there to be more than just a public outcry when a Mother is asked to stop nursing in a public place. All establishments where mothers may frequent should be educated and have policies in place to protect nursing mothers in keeping with state laws.

I want the YMCA to make a universal breastfeeding policy for all of their locations. I want them to educate their staff about the OSHA guidelines that reinforce the fact that breastmilk is not a hazardous bodily fluid.

I want a place where a Mom can go to nurse her baby when the baby is in the childcare area. Currently, all the YMCA's I know of, don't have anywhere for a Mom to nurse her baby other than in the hall or bathroom. This is surprising, especially when the focus of the YMCA is Youth Development, Healthy Living and Social Responsibility. Isn't breastfeeding part of all three of those?

If the Texas law specifically states that "breastfeeding a baby is an important and basic act of nurture and must be encouraged in the interest of maternal and child heath and family values" shouldn't employees of any establishment where breastfeeding Mothers may frequent be educated about this?

I have stopped asking why people are so uncomfortable with breastfeeding. This is an answer I will never fully receive. I know people are uncomfortable, but that is their issue, not mine.

My issue is feeding my 11 week old baby and keeping my 2 1/2 year old safe in the pool. My issue is nursing my baby and hoping that I am not going to be asked to leave.

My issue now is the anxiety I have wondering if every time I sit down to nurse someone is going to come and tell me I am making them uncomfortable.

My issue is that I didn't want to be an activist, but now it is my responsibility to speak up for those Mamas who can't and won't.

So that is what I am doing. I am writing letters to the Twin Lakes YMCA where this occurred. I am also writing a letter to the Greater Williamson County YMCA and all Austin Area YMCA's. After I have done that, I will write to the national YMCA headquarters.

If I don't speak up, who will? Honestly, I am glad this happened to me. I am the type of person who will question, know my rights, and not back down. I am the type of person who will advocate for myself, my children, and others when I know there is a need. I am glad this happened to me so that I can help.

If you want to help too, here are addresses of who you can contact. Please be kind and remember we are trying to educate not inflame. Together we can peacefully make a change for the better.

YMCA of the USA
101 N Wacker Drive
Chicago, IL 60606
fulfillment@ymca.net

YMCA of Greater Williamson County
Jeff Andresen
President/CEO
1812 N. Mays Street
Round Rock, TX 78664
jandresen@ymcawilliamsonco.org

*disclaimer - it is not Mormon Church policy to ask me to stop breastfeeding in public. It was a couple of people in my congregation who were not comfortable with it and I took the opportunity to educate them :)

I have tried to leave comments up, but civilized conversation has gone out the door. I really had hoped we could be adults about this, but apparently that is not possible. So for that reason, comments have been closed.

Tahirih wrote a fabulous sample letter. I want to share it with any of you who want to use your voice for good.
To Whom it May Concern:

As an advocate of breastfeeding and of women's rights in general, I am dismayed to hear of recent events both locally and nationally (Caldwell, Idaho and Twin Lakes, Texas, respectively) where women were asked to refrain from discreetly feeding their young infants in the pool while supervising their older children.

In both instances the employees were grossly mis- or under-informed about public health and safety regarding breast milk, both in relation to the spread of disease via breast milk and the nutritional importance of breast feeding. In the Twin Lakes situation, the employee was also uninformed about the legally protected rights of nursing mothers.

The CDC states that: "HIV and other serious infectious diseases can be transmitted through breast milk. However, the risk of infection from a single bottle of breast milk, even if the mother is HIV positive, is extremely small. For women who do not have HIV or other serious infectious diseases, there is little risk to the child who receives her breast milk." Taking into consideration that a significantly smaller amount of milk would have potential to enter the water, and that aquatics staff take great care to maintain chlorine levels in the water, it can safely be surmised that small amounts of breast milk pose no health risk to other swimmers. It should also be noted that any woman who is pregnant or nursing can still potentially leak milk into the pool and it would be absurd to ask them to refrain from enjoying the facility simply because they are lactating, so it is equally absurd to ask a mother to refrain from feeding her infant while simultaneously keeping her other children closely supervised.

As a family advocate and a member of a community enriched by a YMCA , I am also dismayed by the clear lack of support for such a vital foundation of the families you advocate for. I find it negligent of all three of "[Y]our Areas of Focus" to either actively or passively permit an environment that does not openly facilitate such a basic and important act. Breastfeeding is the first way to nurture the potential of every child. Breastfeeding is the first step to improve the nation's health and well-being. Breastfeeding is socially responsible, and breastfeeding mothers and their children deserve the utmost support from their neighbors.

Lastly, I can't help but note the irony of the Y's efforts to fight child hunger and obesity while all but ignoring the cheapest and healthiest source of nutrition for children; and also at the wellness programs in place to deal with cancer, when breastfeeding is known to offer protection to both mothers and children from several types of cancer. From the American Institute for Cancer Research: "According to Food, Nutrition, Physical Activity, and the Prevention of Cancer: a Global Perspective, published by the American Institute for Cancer Research, the evidence that breastfeeding protects women against both pre- and post-menopausal breast cancer is convincing. Protection against ovarian cancer is suggested as well, but that evidence is currently limited. Hormonal changes associated with lactation – those that delay the return of a new mother’s menstrual periods– reduce a woman’s lifetime hormone exposure. According to experts, this seems to be the main reason that women who breastfeed have a lower risk. The AICR report also notes that physical changes that occur in breast cells while lactating may provide some protection as well. [...] The AICR cancer prevention report notes that babies are likely to receive cancer protection from breastfeeding, too. The evidence shows that breastfeeding probably reduces the chances that a child will be overweight for at least the early years of childhood. This is an important finding as childhood overweight tends to carry over into adulthood, and increased body fat clearly increases risk of at least six different types of cancer."

If the YMCA is serious about building strong kids, strong families, and strong communities, then this first vital building block should not be overlooked, but strongly reinforced. A few small changes could make all the difference in the world. A few suggestions would be to:
-Begin with staff training on the importance of breastfeeding, and how to help protect the rights of breastfeeding mothers and their children;
-Use signs to indicate that your facilities are breastfeeding friendly (one suggestion is the International Breastfeeding Symbol found at breastfeedingsymbol.org);
-Provide discreet and comfortable areas (not restrooms or locker rooms) for nursing mothers, including in the childcare facilities;
-Offer wellness programs designed to support nursing mothers.

I truly hope that the YMCA will take steps to live up to its own standards. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your response.

Sincerely

I Just Wrote to say I Love You :: Hallmark Get Carded Challenge

2011-07-18T06:00:00.040-05:00

The neighborhood where we live has a community mailbox. It is not far from our house, so we either stop on our way home from running errands, or walk down everyday.

My children are always filled with anticipation as I open the box...did they get anything today???

I am filled with anticipation too, is there anything other than ads or bill statements? Did I get anything today???

I love getting mail, and really, I love sending mail too.

I have been known to spend an hour (or more) in the card isle of the grocery store just reading and laughing. (of course that was pre-kids. Now I am lucky if I can walk past the cards without my children trying to find the ones that sing and ripping them to shreds so I have to buy them!)

I love picking out the perfect card for someone and am more likely to send a "just because" card than I am a holiday, birthday or thank you card.

I am so excited to announce that I am going to be partnering with Hallmark this year to talk about how Life is a Special Occasion.

You might remember I wrote about this earlier in the year, finding the special occasion in everyday moments. This is something that keeps those seemingly mundane every day moments from becoming just another moment.

Hallmark recently gave me the Get Carded Challenge. They sent me a package a cards with the challenge to send a card to 7 different people.

I wish I could sit down and send a different card everyday, but really, my kids and my life don't allow that. So, on Sunday afternoon, while the kids were playing with Daddy and the baby was sleeping, I sat down and thought about my friends. I read through the cards and thought about who needed one this week.

It was such a great opportunity to listen to my heart and know who in my life needed a little pick me up in the mail.

It was really hard to narrow it down to 7, and to be honest...I didn't. I just couldn't. I sent 10!!!

I sent to my Parents, my friends Kate, Heidi and Loralee -- all back in my sweet Mountain town in Utah. I sent to Arianne, Sara Sophia, Heather and my sister-in-law Melissa -- 4 of my heart-gut friends. and, I sent to Candida, one of my dearest friends here in Texas.

The cards I sent each of these people were the words of my heart. Some were funny, some were short, some were long winded, some were sentimental -- but all of them celebrated friendships and that everyday special occasion that comes with them.

The first person I heard back from was Loralee. And in typical Loralee fashion, it was a tweet that made me giggle!

Then, I got a sweet email from my girlfriend Kate. She and I used to have nice long sit down chats. You know the ones where kids are running in and out and you get interrupted fifteen gazillion times, but you always come away feeling so much better about life? Yeah, those kinds of chats. I miss those, and the card I sent her said just that -- I miss you friend.

As I was leaving the gym on Saturday, I got a phone call from Jeremy's sister, Melissa. She called to thank me for the card. She said that she handed it to her husband and said, "This is why I want to move to Austin". We get each other, and have always been so close. The card I sent her was perfect for her...

Photo by Steph of Adventures in Babywearing

I also heard from my dear friend Candida. She is a sweet Southern ~~nut~~ Belle, and as only she can, she said, "Oh girl, you crazy" when we were talking about the card. That is her way of telling me she loved it.

This experience has also prompted Arianne and me to start being penpals. I feel the same giddy anticipation as I did in 3rd grade when I got my first penpal. I can't wait.

This making a connection with each other is what life is all about. All too often we type (((hug))) or "lol" or "btdt, xo". And while that is helpful, there is something so much more meaningful about a handwritten card. It shows a moment taken to sit, contemplate, and write (without the benefit of backspace or editing) to those who we love.

You can join in the fun of this challenge by liking Hallmark on Facebook. Also, you totally should sign up for the free e-newsletter. It is full of great ideas and fun ways to celebrate the everyday special occasions.

Hallmark wants to spread the love around and so they are offering 10 of my readers card packs, so you too can get carded!
I will send cards to the first 10 people who comment on this post.

Also (totally inspired by my darling friend Stephanie!) I will choose a winner at random for a fun gifty from me! I want to hear from each and every one of you. I don't care where in the world you live, if you win, I will send you something. I will choose a winner on Monday, July 25 at 9 PM CDT.

So leave a comment. Tell me about the last time you sent or received a card. How did it make you feel?

Hallmark provided all cards, postage, and prizes for this Get Carded challenge, and is compensating me for this sponsored post. As always, all content and opinions expressed are my own.

Donate and Win!!!

2011-07-16T18:47:00.001-05:00

I have this friend, Michelle, who is really the most generous person I know. She will give the shirt off her back to a stranger and not think twice about it.

For the last couple of years she has gone to Peru to help Villa La Paz, an orphanage that helps children who otherwise would be left to fend for themselves.

As I said, Michelle is extremely generous. She has done numerous fundraisers to help Villa La Paz. Every single one has been funded by her...OUT OF HER POCKET. She buys something amazing, and then for every $5 donation, you get an entry into the raffle.

By doing this, she has raised some serious cash for Villa La Paz.

This time folks, is no different.

She is giving away an iPad 2. With a Smart Cover. Brand new. Out of her pocket people.

I have donated, and even if I don't win, it's ok because I have donated to a very worthy cause.

So, I implore you, my readers, to use your charitable contributions this month, and give to Villa La Paz. Go to Michelle's blog and read more about it. You will be helping more children than you can possibly imagine.

Letters to my Babies

2011-07-14T06:00:00.012-05:00

Dear Elliott,

Oh boy how I love you.  You are such a sweet baby 

(but really, aren't all babies sweet? Wait, no. Your brother wasn't).

I am so grateful to be your Mama.  Your smiles, your laid back personality,

your patience with your brother and sisters...

You are a wonderful baby.

But kiddo, you really need to start sleeping somewhere other than the swing.  Because as cute as you are all bundled up in that swing, it is killing me a bit that you will only sleep there.

I love you baby boy...

Mama

*****

Dear Libby,

Oh my darling girl. You are growing up so fast and are SO hilarious these days. Just today you helped me make cookies, and it was so much fun.

You love to swim and will "dive" (belly flop) into the water over and over and over.

You love to sing and dance and do so quite frequently.

You are more in love with your binkie everyday, and I find this quite interesting since you never took one as a baby. Also, what is up with you playing with your bellybutton when you're tired?

You are so cute that it almost makes up for the fact that you come into my bed every single night and then wail and scream and cry when Daddy takes you back to your bed.

Will you stop doing that please?

Also, please, please, please, please stop pooping in your underwear. You were doing SO good wearing undies, and now not so much.

Also, thanks for being such a great big sister to Elliott. You pretty much rock his little world.

I love you baby girl...

Mama

*****

My darling dearest Amelia Bedilia,

I love your freckles.

You hate when I tell you that and then tell me that you don't have any freckles, but you do and they are darling. It is the one thing you got from me, so I really like that.

You are such a great singer and I love that you have enough confidence to think you

could go on America's Got Talent and win! Never lose that ambition sweetie.

You are starting Kindergarten in about a month and I can't imagine what my life is going to be like when you are gone all day long. Libby and I will be so lonely for you.

But you are so excited.

So I pretend to be excited too.

I love that you are so creative and talented and have a flair for the dramatics.

This will serve you well in life.

Trust me.

I know.

BUT, right now, you make me a little crazy with your crying over every single little thing.

Makes me not look forward to your teenage years at all.

Regardless, you are my sweet princess and I love you.

Mama.

*****

Bubs,

I am going to call you that for the rest of your life, you know that don't you?

You are such an amazing big brother to your siblings.

I know it is hard being the biggest kid, but you do it so well and really like responsibility.

You are such a huge helper, with laundry, cleaning, playing with the kids, and dinner clean up.

I love how you love your Lego's, putting posters up in your room, and swimming.

You are so competitive and someday that is really going to come in handy.

But right now, when you are in swim lessons and you beat another kid in a race,

it is not so nice to say "I WON I WON I WON!!!!"

No one likes that kid.

You are starting 2nd grade so soon.

Kid, I remember 2nd grade. I met my 1st real best friend in 2nd grade. We're still friends.

I can't believe you are that old.

I bet some boy crazy girl is going to fall head over heels for you.

When she does, please be nice and not growl at her.

I love you to the moon and back,

Mama

Foggy

2011-07-08T13:18:00.000-05:00

My brain feels foggy.

We've had family visiting, lots of late nights, a round of antibiotics (for me), lots of swimming, playing and having fun.

But now, I feel foggy. I am exhausted beyond measure.

My body hurts because I started the 30 Day Shred again. It hurts to sneeze. That really stinks because of my allergies, I do it a lot.

My brain can't function the way I want it to.

My kids have swim lessons everyday, then we come home and I just let them play.

But I know school is fast approaching and Amelia still can't read more than a few words. I haven't been working on problem solving with Seth like I should. Can it be that I will have to be sending them off in just 1 short month?

Two of my chicks gone from the nest all day.

And that day. The day that rips my heart to shreds...

The kids start school on Emma's Angel Day again.

I think all of these things combined are what are putting me into a foggy funk.

I think I will let a movie babysit my kids for a while and I will take a nap with my babe.

Sometimes, you just have to do what you have to do, right?

Why My Kids Rock.

2011-06-29T20:34:00.000-05:00

They steal my Flip and make me awesome videos.

and make me cry

Yeah, they pretty much rock my world these people.

Also, if you haven't yet, go on over here and let me know what you are reading this summer and enter to win some AWESOME prizes!!!

Oh What Do You Do in the Summertime?

2011-06-28T07:00:00.007-05:00

Summer break is in full swing around these parts. On the last day of school, my daughters (4 & 2) were THRILLED that their big brother was going to be home everyday, all day, to play with them.

They play Legos, dress ups, pirates and vikings. We go to the sprinkler park, swimming lessons, the gym and have play dates with friends.

They are allowed a couple of hours of "screen time" a day.

But in those quiet moments when everyone is tired from a day full of playing, they read.

Seth has always loved reading, and he is good at it. He is a full year ahead in reading in school. He ~~reads~~ devours chapter books (How to Train Your Dragon and Diary of a Wimpy Kid are his favorites). He can't fall asleep at night unless he has read a chapter or two.

Amelia isn't reading yet, but she is starting to figure out words by sounding them out. She loves to be read to and is a big fan of Fancy Nancy, Pinkalicious and Ramona Quimby.

And of course there is Liberty. She will sit and listen to books for hours. She always has been like that.

I am lucky my kids have such voracious appetites for books. But then again, so do I.

This summer we are reading anything we can get our hands on. This includes, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, How to Train Your Dragon (books 1-8), Ramona the Pest, Jellybeans (a picture book), Pinkalicious, any Lego book we can find, and whatever else the kids decide they love at the moment.

What are your kids reading this summer? We are always wanting to add to our reading library and could use some ideas.

Tell me what your kids are reading this summer for a chance to win a Summer Reading Prize Pack from the Children’s Book-of-the-Month Club!

    - Grand Prize:Pottery Barn Kids’ reading chair and a Marc Jacobs Nylon Tote (for mom!)

    - 5 First Prizes: Personalized Pottery Barn Kids’ Beach Tote

    EXTRA ENTRY:

    - Children’s Book-of-the-Month is now featuring the My Summer Reading Series! Kids receive 2 great books at their door each month all summer. $6.99 a book PLUS a free $25 Restaurant.com gift card! Check out the different book series, find a book you love and tell us the book title in the conversation for an extra entry in the contest!

    This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Children's Book-of-the-Month Club. The opinions and text are all mine.

Week in Pictures

2011-06-25T20:55:00.002-05:00

Here are a few of my favorite photos of the week...

Monday, well really everyday, is LEGO day! The kids made a house with their people.

Who is the King of this house?


Kids Pizza. They chose what went on their pizza and they LOVED it!

Birthday girl opening Tangled.

Can you smell the sweet baby smell?

*I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words on my last post. I almost deleted it right after I posted it. I was afraid that I was sharing too much or that I sounded whiny. But, because of that post, I have gotten some great ideas and some great freelance opportunities that will really bless my family. Just goes to show, you never know what can happen when you reach out and ask for help. So, thank you all.

My Amelia Bedelia

2011-06-23T08:16:00.001-05:00

Dearest Amelia Bedelia, Missy Mae Mae, Suzie Quzie, Sweet Girl,

You have so many names with Mama, but there is only one Amelia that I love, and that is you.

5 years ago today you came into this world.

Yours was such a beautiful and peaceful entrance. The labor was full of energy and love. You took your time though, which was very indicative of your personality.

I was so scared to have another girl, but also so excited. I couldn't wait to put your sister's clothes on you and do bows and bracelets once again.

You are such a light in our family.

So kind to your sister and brothers, sweet and sensitive.

You are also so funny and creative.

I love to sit and listen to you create stories while you draw your pictures.

You have always had a strong opinion on what you wear, and I love your fashion sense.

I love to listen to you make up songs and watch your dances.

You are SASSY 100% and always have been.

You are just as comfortable playing Bionacles as you are Princesses and often will do both at the same time.

You are my sweet girl and I am so glad you are mine.

Happy Birthday baby.

Love,

Mama

It's True

2011-06-20T16:41:00.000-05:00

I'm Cute.

This post was brought to you by the cutest baby that I know.

Daddy's Day

2011-06-19T17:06:00.000-05:00

Happy Father's Day to my fabulous husband

You are the best Daddy to our kids and I am so grateful for you and all you do.

You are my favorite.

Love love love you,

My Real Life

2011-06-14T15:24:00.001-05:00

Some bloggers only show the beautiful parts of life. The parts they want the world to see. The parts that make them look like a Mom that never loses her cool, that always has a clean house, that makes fresh baked goodies for her children everyday, and stays in her size 2 jeans while doing it.

All bloggers show only what we want people to see. Only what we want to remember.

I want to remember everything, the good and the bad. How else will I and those who read my little snippets of life learn and grow?

And just for the record? I am not a size 2. Haven't been since I was 2 probably. Ok, now that you know that I feel much better.

So, here we go...confession time...

I am not a very nice Mom sometimes. I have a pretty short temper. I come by it very naturally, from my Dad. I have done a good job of taming it over the years and really am pretty good most days. However, if I am left alone for 4 days with my 4 children (one being a very stubborn 2 year old and another being a very needy 6 week old) I am bound to lose it.
And maybe kick a hole in the wall when the 2 year old is going on hour 2 of screaming and crying about bedtime at the same time that the 6 week old is crying and screaming because he just needs his Mama.

I love to bake, but I also love to eat what I bake. Hence the reason I am not a size 2.

Also, Elliott has broken out in eczema, so I am now on a dairy and gluten free diet. It is SO much fun. Especially when I just want to get something quick from the store for dinner, but nothing is quick when you can't have the good stuff (like cheese).

More often than not, my kitchen looks like this. I hate to clean and it shows. But, I love a clean house, so what is a girl to do?

Libby was accident free for 2 weeks, so I bought her some "potty presents" last Wednesday. The next day she peed in her pants. She hasn't been dry since. She has completely and totally regressed and is peeing and pooping in her pants. I took away her potty presents and she is in diapers again.

At any given moment I am covered in some bodily fluid. My milk, Elliott's spit-up, Elliott's pee (he loves to shoot Mama), or now Libby's pee or poop. I am really getting tired of this and think that teaching kids how to use the potty is for the birds.

I have thought about doing Elimination Communication with Elliott so that I wouldn't have to worry about it when he is 3, but hells bells, I can't imagine doing that with him and helping Libby stay dry right now too.

I get irritated, annoyed, bugged and tired of my children more often than I would like to admit, but there it is, I admitted it.

Despite my shortcomings though, I sure love these little people. I may not be the nicest Mom in the world when my children are asking for food every 5 minutes and I might loose my cool when I am stepping on Lego's or other toys, but honestly, I wouldn't trade this life (or the hole in the wall or the dirty dishes) for anything.

Ok, maybe I'd trade the dirty dishes for a clean kitchen.

And He Is 7

2011-06-09T07:41:00.000-05:00

At 4:59 this morning he turned 7.

My sweet snuggle buggy is 7.

The boy whose birth started the healing of my heart...

He will start 2nd grade this year. I remember 2nd grade. I met my oldest friend in 2nd grade.

He is so independent, but still loves to crawl on my lap and snuggle.

He could spend the whole day playing Lego's with his sisters and be happy.

He holds his brother whenever I ask and has made this transition from 3 to 4 so much easier.

He is so sensitive and caring. He will do anything for anyone...unless you ask him to do it while he is playing Legos!

He is my Bubs.

And he is 7.

Happy Birthday Bubs. I love you to the Moon and back.

What It's Like

2011-06-06T09:24:00.001-05:00

When people find out I have a daughter in Heaven, they often say, "I can't imagine what that must be like".

Here is what I want to tell them (but I don't because I am too kind).

It is like having your entire being crushed. It is like having your heart ripped out of your body, you entire sense of self and all security you've ever had taken away.

It is a physical pain that can't be described. When you cry, it comes from a place so deep and so dark you surprise yourself that it is even there.

When you sleep it is fitful. You can't sleep without medicinal help. You don't want to sleep because you dream of your old life, your child, the way things were. But then you wake up and in the fog of sleep and awake you find yourself frantically searching for your baby. You don't want to sleep because waking up hurts too much.

As time passes everyone goes back to life as it was and you just can't. You still cry at the drop of the hat, you end up at the cemetery laying next to your child's grave wishing you were with her. You put on a brave face for others, but inside you are dying.

Years pass and people say, "Oh that must have been so hard". You reply with, "Yes it is".

People who meet me now and see that I have 4 beautiful children think that I have only 4 beautiful children. When they learn I have a 5th, an Angel waiting for me, they often say, "How did you do it? How did you have more children?"

I didn't have a choice. I couldn't stop living because Emma was gone. Believe me, I wanted to, but I knew that she had siblings that needed to come to Earth.

It is not easy though. The first year of my children's lives are filled with my anxiety.

I worry. I worry that I will lay them in their beds to sleep and come back only to find them gone.

I worry that I will send Seth to check on Elliott and he will be the one to find his brother dead.

I force those thoughts out of my mind, but they always come back, ready to haunt at any given minute.

The other night, I went to the store. Alone. I was panicked the entire time. Elliott was home asleep while Jeremy and the kids made dinner.

I convinced myself that I would come home to ambulances and firetrucks all around my house, and my baby would be gone.

This happens every time, with every child. With Seth, I went to the gym when he was 4 months old. Jeremy was home with him. I was going 1 mile away. I got there, and was in such a panic I couldn't even go in. I turned around and went home.

I remember running into our apartment, eyes red from crying, and rushed to my baby. I held him and just cried. I was so convinced he'd be gone when I got home, I was shocked that he wasn't.

That is a portion of what it's like.

It is hell to lose a child.

It is terrifying to have more.

It is my life though, so I do it the best I know how and am grateful for every minute I get with each of my children.

Oh This Baby...

2011-06-03T13:49:00.002-05:00

He just melts my heart every single day. I love him. I love snuggling on him, holding him, nursing him...everything.

But especially this...

and this...

Have an awesome weekend friends!

Complete

2011-06-01T16:22:00.001-05:00

I come from a large family. 5 kids, 24 grandkids - and that is on my side. On Jeremy's side there are 3 kids and 9 grandkids. That's a lot of nieces and nephews and a lot of reproduction happening!

When Jeremy and I got married I already had 11 nieces and nephews. I became an Aunt for the first time when I was 13.

I always knew I would have a large family. I never thought about when that family would be done growing though.

My sister and sister-in-laws, who are done having children, told me that when they were done, they just knew. Their families felt complete.

I have wondered, is my family complete? Am I really done having babies?

Is my family complete?

No, it is not.

I don't think it ever will be.

So, despite trying to go by that feeling, I can't. Because no matter what I do, my family will not be complete.

No matter how many babies I have, one is always going to be missing.

We Keep Growing

2011-05-30T18:44:00.000-05:00

Seth and Amelia

Seth, Amelia and Liberty

Seth, Amelia, Liberty, and Elliott

Dance Recital

2011-05-26T15:23:00.001-05:00

Here is the cutest video you will ever see.

Amelia is the first one of the "Queens" coming out, check out her face!!!

She is who everyone is laughing at...my little clown.

Not to be forgotten though is Little Sister...

Have a fun and safe weekend friends!

Help for Joplin

2011-05-25T09:21:00.002-05:00

I grew up in a few different places.

I lived in Omaha until I was 11.

Then we moved to Kansas until I was 16.

Then we moved to Utah.

From 11 to 16 I lived in Coffeyville, Kansas. I think you will all agree that those are some pretty formative years. I am still friends with many of the kids I went to Jr. High and High School with there.

It is a very small town, so for shopping we went to Bartlesville or Tulsa, Oklahoma or Joplin, Missouri.

Photo from cnn.com – This is the regional Medical Center

I have spent a lot of time in Joplin. My brother and sister-in-law lived in Pittsburg, KS, 30 minutes from there and 5 of their 8 children were born in Joplin.

My other brother and his wife live in Pittsburg now.

When I heard about the tornado that hit Joplin, my heart just sunk. I know this town. I know people that live near there. My Mom called my brother right away, and I got online to see what the damage was and what was going on.

Photo: Mike Ransdell/Kansas City Star from The Chicago Tribune

My brother and his wife go over every day now to help with the clean-up effort. But what can I do besides pray?

My friend, Melissa from Peanut Butter in my Hair, contacted me to let me know about an auction happening with Bigger Picture Blogs to help raise money for the relief effort.

Of course I jumped in and am donating a sling.

Below are a list of items being auctioned and the time they will be auctioned. The auction will close on Friday, May 27 at 7 pm.

Payments will be made as a direct donation to The Salvation Army listing the specific use as JOPLIN RELIEF. Your emailed receipt from The Salvation Army is your claim ticket to your prize. All receipts should be emailed to BPB4Joplin (at) gmail (dot) com within the 24 hour time frame to claim your prize.

I am so glad to be participating in this event and pray that we can do something to help those whose lives have been touched by this terrible disaster.

Wednesday May 25
8am Assorted Watercolor Note Cards from Cards Direct ($40 value)
9am Art of Doing Nothing Poster from Tammy Lee Bradley ($28)
10am Gussy Sews Shop Credit ($25)
11am Thai Silk Pillow Covers from Jaime Shaw ($40)
12noon Hand Knit Market Tote from A Soft Landing ($35)
1pm Secret Hope Necklace from Create Beauty Daily ($38)
2pm Busy Body Book Bundle from Busy Body Books ($40)
3pm Handmade Ring Sling from Prairie Mama ($75)
4pm {So} Sack from {So} Sartina ($29)
5pm $100 Sweet Deal Credit from Mamapedia ($100)
6pm Pair of Spring/Summer Shoes from Hotter Comfort Concept Shoes ($100-140)

Thursday May 26
8am Strength and Hope Necklace from Shining Stones ($20)
9am $25 Stonyfield Organic Product & Cookbook ($43)
10am Fractured Glass Print from Tammy Lee Bradley ($25)
11am DaySpring Collection ($40)
12noon Monster Softie from Samster Mommy ($35)
1pm Vintage Fabric Fat Quarters from Sew Lovely Designs ($20)
2pm Love Print from Beth Fletcher Photography and June Afternoons ($25)
3pm Flutter Sleeve Ruffle Peasant Dress from Smashed Peas and Carrots ($36)
4pm Camera Strap Cover from Eclectic Whatnot ($38.50)
5pm $50 Gift Certificate from The Vintage Pearl ($50)
6pm Logo Design from NW Designs ($100)
7pm Ultimate Fan Pack from Discovery Channel ($200)

The Queen of my Heart

2011-05-24T13:51:00.000-05:00

This weekend Amelia reached an important milestone in her life. She had her first dance recital.

As I pulled her hair into a bun, applied makeup, and put her costume on her, I was taken back to my MANY dance recitals.

The smell of the hairspray, the taste of the lipstick, the costumes, the sequins, watching the older girls, being afraid I would forget something...

But most of all, just having fun.

And that is what she did. She had so much fun and I loved watching her.

The theme for the recital was Alice in Wonderland. Amelia's little class were the Queen of Hearts. She did such a great job with her "grumpy" face at the beginning. Everyone just laughed and laughed.

The lighting was SO bad that I couldn't get a good picture of her dancing (no flash photography please). So, this was her grumpy face that Jeremy caught after. She is hilarious.

For my girls, the highlight of the weekend was having my Mom (Meemaw), Jeremy's Mom (Grandma) and Jeremy's sister (Aunt Sissa) and girls (Carlie and Josie) here. This picture is the 3 girls after the recital. Carlie was mesmerized through the entire recital and Libby was doing her own recital.

It was so much fun and we can't wait to do it again next year. Hopefully next year we will have 2 little girls doing a recital. That will be fun!

Are You Done Yet?

2011-05-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

Are you getting sick of seeing Elliott?? Well, too bad.

My friend Heather came over the other day and shot some pictures of Elliott and the girls. I love them so much. It was hard to narrow it down to just these few, but I didn't want to overwhelm you all with cuteness and cause the internet world to all go and get pregnant just to TRY to get one of these. So...you're welcome.

Can you guess what he is sitting in???

Add Seth climbing on my back, and this is my life. I love it.

Ladies Man

2011-05-18T07:27:00.000-05:00

Oh yes, he is SO loved.

Mush

2011-05-10T09:59:00.001-05:00

So, it seems that along with my belly, my brain has turned to mush.

I can not think of a single thing to say here.

Nothing comes to mind other than this.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a baby to sniff and snuggle and love on.

Maybe I'm Just a Little Girl....

2011-05-08T12:15:00.000-05:00

But, when I hold these 5 people, I feel like I hold the whole world in my hands.

Thank you Emma, Seth, Amelia, Liberty and Elliott for making me a Mom 5 times over.

Thank you Jeremy for being the best husband and father in the world and allowing me to be the Mom I have always wanted to be.

I love you all.

Elliott's Birth

2011-05-05T06:00:00.018-05:00

39 weeks 3 days. I was feeling every bit of it. I woke up that morning feeling grateful that the baby was kicking and squirming, but disappointed that he was not showing any signs of coming out.

This day was much like all the others before. Got Seth off to school, the girls and I played at home, folded laundry, and talked about what we would do when the baby was born. That morning we went to a breakfast at a friend's house with some ladies from church. They were all so surprised that I was still pregnant, and my friend Candida even took a picture of my belly because it was “so big!”. When we got home, the girls colored my belly (and their arms and legs and faces) with wet chalk and that sucked all my extra energy, so I had a small nap on the couch after.

I was feeling particularly weepy throughout the day, and just didn't think I could be pregnant one.more.day. I even sent Jeremy a text telling him that. I knew the end was coming soon, I just didn't know how soon.

When we walked to get Seth from school, I was really grateful that the temperatures had dropped a bit. Earlier in the week it had been in the high 90's and we went swimming after school. On Thursday it was in the high 70's and felt great to have a break from the heat.

All day I had been feeling really gassy, and had low back pain, so I decided that I was going to pamper myself a bit that night and go get a pedicure when Jeremy got home from work.

At 6pm, I arrived for my pedicure. The woman behind the counter looked at my belly and, without even looking at my face said, “How much longer?!”. I told her I was due on Monday and she looked frightened that I would pop right then and there.

I sat down and thoroughly enjoyed myself. After an hour, I stood up and felt more pressure than usual, but I figured all that relaxing helped him to drop down a bit further.

At 7 pm, I got in my car and immediately got a text from my friend Lisa. She was planning on coming to the birth to take pictures and knew she was on call at any moment. She asked if I was going to have the baby that night. I laughed when I read it and was going to text her right back to tell her “fat chance”, but I really had to pee, so I raced home instead.

I got home and was met at the door by Seth and Amelia. They were jumping up and down like they hadn't seen me in a week. Jeremy was reading to Liberty and I raced up the stairs to go to the bathroom.

I sat down, and when I went to push out some of that pent up gas, my water broke.

To say I was shocked is an understatement. It took me a minute to realize what had happened. When my water broke with Emma and Seth, I heard it in my head. I didn't this time. I just felt a gush of fluid coming out of my vagina, so I knew I wasn't peeing anymore. I hollered for Jeremy to “come upstairs RIGHT NOW!”, it was 7:15 pm.

I called Michele, my midwife, and let her know what was going on. I was sure that there was no hurry though. I hadn't had any labor signs before this, and was anticipating a long night. She was a bit, okay a lot, less certain about how long it was going to take and sent Genevieve, her apprentice over right away.

After I hung up with Michele, I did what anyone would do in my situation – put on my Depends and started texting family and friends and updating my facebook status. We were having a baby!

Jeremy got the kids to bed, and when Seth came into my room to see me rocking on my ball wearing a big “pull-up” he wanted to know what was going on. I told him my water had broken and that the baby was going to be born that night. He looked at me with surprise, ran over and hugged me, then ran out of the room shouting for Amelia! She was a bit more skeptical and even said, “Well, are you sure you're going to have the baby tonight? Are you sure it's not going to be like when you thought you were going to have me?” This girl. She had heard me talk about how I was in labor with her and then everything stopped only for her to be born 8 days later. I assured her that since my water had broken, the baby was coming soon.

She would continue to peek out the door of Seth's room throughout the night to see if I was still in labor.

From the time my water broke, my contractions started coming every 3 minutes, lasting for 45 seconds – 1 minute.

Genevieve arrived around 8:30ish and checked me saying I was a stretchy 2. I knew I had time, hello, I was only 2 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced. I was ready for a long night.

Jeremy was cleaning up the kitchen while I labored upstairs. I walked around my room, sat on the toilet and my ball and watched The Office.

At 9, I was ready for the TV to be off and was vocalizing a bit more during contractions. Around 9:30, Genevieve checked me again so she could call Michele to let her know what was going on. I was at a 4 and now 80% effaced. Michele knew she needed to get up here because things were going pretty quickly.

Around this time, Lisa arrived also. She started snapping photos and I got in the water. I was SO happy to be in the water.

From this point on, things become a bit of a blur, as they often do in transition. I remember throwing up right before Michele arrived. We laughed as I assured her it wasn't the last time I would do it though.

My contractions were double peaking most of the time. They would start, build up, hit the peak, go down, and then go back up again. I remember doing that when I was in labor with Seth. Maybe it is how my body handles labor when there is no fluid to cushion that cute little head.

About 10:30 or so, I remember looking at the clock and saying that he wouldn't be here for a while, I was guessing around 2 am or so. Remember, I was only at a 4 an hour earlier. There was no way that this kid was coming that fast.

I was in denial. Big time.

Michele commented at one point that I was sounding pushy. I remember thinking there is no way I am pushy, it is not time yet. But after she said that, I started to listen to my body and realized that I was getting close.

This was when I realized that the kids needed to come in if they were to see their brothers birth. Lisa went and woke them up and it was such a sweet sight to see my 2 babies crawl into my bed and wait quietly for their brother to be born. After a particularly loud (and intense) contraction, I asked if they were ok. Everyone laughed, but I really was more concerned about my kiddos than anything else at that moment.

Michele checked me and I was a really stretchy 8 and had an anterior lip of cervix. So, I went through a couple of contractions with her getting that last bit of cervix out of the way.

After about 2 contractions, I felt the urge to push. Michele told me that I can either push through this one, or just breathe, just to listen to my body. And I did.

I started breathing and then realized I really needed to push. I was in a semi-reclined position in the tub when I started to push. Immediately I remembered pushing like that with Seth and how badly I tore, and I knew I did not want to repeat that.

So, mid-push, I sat up to a squat, which took me out of the water. I pushed out the baby's head in 1 push.

Jeremy, who has never caught one of our babies, decided that this time he would put his hands in the water and catch the babe. So, he had his hand on the baby's head and was ready to catch. That is until I decided it would be more comfortable to shift a bit and stand up. Yes folks, you read that right, I stood up, with a head hanging out of me, to push out my son.

Michele looked at Genevieve and told her to catch. One push and out came our little boy.

Our slippery little baby came out so fast that his head actually got dipped in the water as Genevieve caught him!

Elliott Joseph was born on April 28, 2011 at 11:52 pm. He weighed 8 lbs. 2 oz, the same as Liberty.

As I write this, almost a week later, my heart and my head are full of emotion. I have had a hard time wrapping my head around his birth. It was SO fast, SO intense and SO chaotic (in my mind) that I sometimes have a hard time believing I actually did it.

I have shed tears that this was the last time I will give birth and it went too fast for me to really savor it. I had birth projects, plans, and a vision for his birth. However, as all of my other children have shown me, what I envision isn't what matters. They come to this world the way they need to and when they need to.

I am so grateful that I was able to give birth to another beautiful, healthy little soul and can't wait to see who he becomes.

Don't Throw It Out, Upcycle It!

2011-05-03T06:00:00.003-05:00

Last month Kenmore asked for my biggest household challenge. This month, I am sharing how I overcame that challenge! Kenmore is on the search for everyday genius & each month they are giving away $3000 in Kenmore gift certificates and a chance to have the best idea turned into an ad!

***

We all have them, t-shirts that we shouldn't wear anymore, but can't bear to get rid of.

I am going to show you how to upcycle them into a dress for your little girl or a romper for your little boy.

Let those old t-shirts live on!

I am going to teach you how to make your own t-shirt dress. You can do this from any old t-shirt, or even a new one. I made a shirt for Amelia out of a shirt I bought for myself that turned out to be not so cute on me.

So, here is a tutorial for a very basic t-shirt dress. You can make your own adjustments to make it as fancy, or plain as you want!

UpCycled T-Shirt Dress Tutorial
Materials needed:

1 t-shirt
bias tape
elastic thread (you can find this with the elastic at Joann's or Hobby Lobby)
matching thread

For this dress I used a size small t-shirt. If your shirt is larger, you will want to cut it, then sew it back together so that it measures 20 inches across.

First you need to take your shirt and fold it in half and decide where to cut. The shirring will take up about a 1/2 an inch or so, so take that into consideration when figuring out your cutting placement.

As you can see, I am using the arm holes that were already there for the arm holes of the dress. If you don't have them, just fold your shirt in half, go in about 3 inches and cut arm holes in a "j" shape.

Now you will want to either serge the top with a rolled hem, or just make a 1/4 inch hem at the top.

When you have done that, it is time for the shirring. This really is pretty easy, even if it seems a bit daunting.

First thing you want to do is hand wind your bobbin with elastic thread. Keep your tension medium tight and wind.

My bobbin is not filled all the way, you will want to fill it up.

Now thread your machine with the elastic in your bobbin and whatever thread you want in the top. Set your stitch length to the longest possible.

Lining up your rolled hem, or regular hem, with the edge of your presser foot, and sew. When you get to the end, leave a long tail of thread, cut it and go again. You will do this for as many rows as you want. I typically do 4-6.

The back of it will look like this when you are done

Now you want to tie off your ends 5-6 times. I tie two together, that is why I always have an even number of rows.

Repeat now for the back and it will look like this. Cute isn't it? You're almost done now.

Cut your bias tape to 25-30 inches long. You will want 2 of these for the ties. Find the center of the piece you cut and pin it to the dress.

I like to make a little pleat in the center before I pin the bias tape. I like how it makes the dress flow and look. You can do either one.

Now you're ready to sew your ties on.

Once your ties are on, you will want to finish off the bottom. With this particular t-shirt, I kept the hem from the actual shirt. Sometimes you can do that, sometimes you can't.

I love the way a rolled hem looks on a knit fabric, so that is what I choose to do. But again, if you don't have a serger, you can just make a regular hem and it will look just as cute.

After you've finished off the hem, you are done! You can add rick rack if you want, or pockets, or whatever else you want. But, I really like to leave them simple.

And that is how I have solved my Design/Clutter challenge. No more shirts that I can't part with just laying around. They are now clothes for my girls and they love them!!!

What is your Genius Tip? Kenmore wants to know, and is giving away up to $3,000 in Gift Certificates and a chance to have the best Genius Tip turned into a TV Ad! Visit their Facebook page and enter today!
Share your quick genius tip with us:

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Kenmore. The opinions and text are all mine.

He is HERE!

2011-04-30T17:53:00.000-05:00

Elliott Joseph Borchert

April 28, 2011

11:52 pm

8 lbs. 2 oz.

Birth story to come soon...it's a good one :)

Never Say Never

2011-04-28T13:18:00.000-05:00

I've never been this pregnant.
I've never felt this full.
I've never felt this ready.
I've never felt this awkward.
I never thought I'd make it this far.

Just goes to show, never say never.

Difference 9 Weeks Makes

2011-04-25T13:27:00.000-05:00

I have been lucky to do 2 belly casts with my pregnancies.

The first one I did was when I was 28 weeks pregnant with Amelia. This one has been displayed proudly in my home for the last 4 years.

I wanted to do one with Seth and Libby, but they were both born before I had the chance to do it.

Right before we moved to Texas, my dear friend, Heidi, gave me a belly casting kit making me promise I would use it.

So, at 37 weeks, Jeremy and I did the belly cast.

I was shocked to look at the two casts next to each other and see the difference 9 weeks makes in a pregnancy.

Our bodies are amazing aren't they? I am so grateful that my body can and does grow and change to have these sweet babies. So blessed indeed.

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T13:14:00.001-05:00

Happy Easter friends. May we all remember the sacrifice that was made for each of us and the glory and promise of the Resurrection.

Silence

2011-04-23T10:08:00.001-05:00

Drawing in

finding silence

feeling you moving inside.

Wanting peace

searching for quiet

needing to be alone.

The days of you and I

are coming to an end,

at least in this way.

This chapter of our lives

is almost done.

So in this time

I seek solitude

I listen

I talk

I prepare

for your birth.

My Angel

2011-04-20T13:01:00.000-05:00

Today, the girls and I had to run some errands. When we got in the van, I plugged in my iPod, and turned on Billy Joel. I hit shuffle, and the first song to come on was Lullaby. If you don't know, this is my song for Emma. It is the song I listened to non-stop for a month after she died. It is my Emma song.

I haven't heard it in a while and today while driving, it played twice.

I miss her. I miss having her here. I miss being able to take care of her grave. I miss visiting her.

But, today I feel her so close. I know that she is here when my babies are born. I know that she is close and helps to usher in her brothers and sisters as they come to the world. I know that she is my special angel who lifts me up and gives me the strength I need when I am in labor.

I love feeling her Spirit so near, but I miss her so much it just hurts. It is bittersweet for certain.

I wish when I told people that I have an 8 year old daughter that it was true. I wish that when people looked at my family they knew that this was my 5th baby, not my 4th as it seems to the outside world. I wish I didn't have to add the disclaimer to people who will see us a lot, that this is my 5th baby, but my 4th living.

I am just missing my girl so much.

Sweet Angel ~ be with me while I labor. Be with your baby brother while he works hard to come into this world. Give him a kiss and tell him it's time to come to Earth. I promise I will love him just as I love you and your brother and sisters. I promise to teach him all about his big sister who loves him so much. I promise to raise your brothers and sisters to know you, to know Jesus and to know of the miracle of Easter that lets us be a forever family.
I promise these things. Just don't leave me. Stay close while I work to bring your baby brother into the world. Stay close, let me feel you, and know that I love you more than I have words to express.

Love, Mama

I Will Not Say Bad Words

2011-04-19T13:29:00.003-05:00

On Monday Seth came home and very proudly told me,

"Mom! I know what the bad word is that you and Dad don't want me to know".

"Oh really? What is it?"

"A-S-S"

"Oh buddy, that is a bad word, but not the one Daddy and I were talking about"

"A-S-E?"

"That isn't a word. How did you learn that word anyway?"

"Me and some other boys were saying all the bad words we knew at lunch today".

Cue inward groan...why am I sending him to public school again? Oh yeah, because I am about ready to POP with his baby brother. Ok, Kim, stay calm, talk to him or he won't ever tell you anything again.

"So, what words did you tell?"

"The sh one, the one that starts with sh and ends with it, and the d word"

"Yeah, I know what the sh word is, you don't have to tell me all of it. What words did you learn?"

"Well, that one I already told you and dick."

"Ew. Do you know what that is? It is a mean word for a penis"

"Yeah, my friend told me that it meant penis at recess".

"Bub, you really shouldn't be talking like this, you know that right?"

"yeah"

"I am going to have to punish you for this. It is not okay to say bad words and I don't ever want you to do it again".

"I am ALWAYS the one that gets punished.  If I am being punished then the girls need to be punished too.  It is not fair!"

Then the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth began, followed by stomping off to his room telling me I am the meanest Mom ever and that he is never coming out again.

So, I called Jeremy. What do I do? What kind of punishment is good for this? I can't wash his mouth out with soap because it will just make ME puke.

Have him write sentences, Jeremy suggested. YES! Bart Simpson will write sentences!

He had to write "I will not say bad words" 20 times. My favorite part is that he turned it into a song at the beginning.

This kid...he is giving me a run for my money.

**Disclaimer** I know that he did not learn bad words in school. This has nothing to do with him going to public school. That was just my first thought, that is all. I know where he learned the words...from me ;)

To My Daughter

2011-04-18T16:02:00.000-05:00

After telling her to get dressed, she comes running out of her room in a lemon yellow skirt "The twirly one you made for me Mama", and a brown shirt with teal, pink, purple and green butterflies on it.

She brushes her hair and puts in a headband and clips in her bangs to hold them back.

She throws on her favorite shoes, her dirty purple flip-flops, and does a spin.

"Don't I look beautiful Mama?"

Her hands are always marker stained from the hours she spends drawing, coloring and creating daily. She has chewed her fingernails down to nubs, and her hair is like mine - thick, coarse and very unruly.

She rides her bike without abandon. She never walks, she dances. She loves with all her heart and soul.

She hasn't realized yet that clothes and shoes should match. She doesn't know that hair should be neatly brushed and styled. She doesn't understand that marker stained fingernail nubs are not attractive.

She is 4. I wish I could go back to 4 and never learn the so-called social fashion faux pas that I now know.

I wish I could love myself the way she loves herself. I wish I could get dressed in whatever feels comfortable and think to myself, "I bet everyone will think I'm the prettiest girl they've ever seen today", just like she does everyday.

She is a princess in every sense of the word. She loves life with such zest and freedom and I love her for that.

Don't ever change my darling daughter. Stay so happy, sweet, loving, kind and free.

As we walked to get Seth from school today and you rode your bike with your skirt flying in the wind, this was my wish for you. This is my wish, today and always, that you will always be true to yourself and remember how beautiful you are.

My Weekend Plans

2011-04-14T08:01:00.000-05:00

A lot of my friends are in New Orleans this weekend.

I am a little bit jealous...but not too much.

I would LOVE to go to Mom 2.0, it is a conference that sounds like it is right up my alley.

BUT, I think I might have more fun this weekend at home than they will in NOLA.

Maybe I'll have a baby.

Maybe I won't.

But, I am going to have fun with my 3 hooligans and enjoy them as much as I can before this last hooligan comes to our home.

I am going to enjoy every kick, move, hiccup and contraction (yes, contraction) of this, my last pregnancy.

I am going to go to a baby shower (for ME!) and laugh and giggle with my new friends.

I am going to enjoy this weekend, knowing that it may be (and hopefully is) the last weekend before I have a baby.

So, I may not be at Mom 2.0 with LOTS of my friends eating great Cajun food....

But, I am going to have fun anyway.

Tell Me Your Challenge and Enter to Win an iPad2

2011-04-12T06:00:00.030-05:00

Shirts were piling up. Old t-shirts from concerts, band trips, high school, college...they were EVERYWHERE!

While they are great for shop towels, and cleaning rags, some are cool or cute and I didn't want to get them dirtied up or ripped to pieces.

See, I'm a sentimental type. I love to keep things for-ev-er. I still have the pants and shirt that I wore on mine and Jeremy's 1st date. I should not wear these things anymore, in fact they don't even fit me, but I can't get rid of them!

What do you do with old clothes that don't fit or you don't wear and don't want to get rid of?

I came up with a great idea, if I do say so myself :)

Stay tuned next month to read my Genius Tip on how I beat this challenge!

Share your big design challenge with us below. For a chance to win the new iPad2, 'like' Kenmore on Facebook and let us know in your reply.

37 weeks.

2011-04-11T08:05:00.000-05:00

Here I am. 37 weeks. This babe could come any day now and just might. Jeremy figured out that my average birth date is 38 weeks, 2 days. That would be next week people!

Seth wants the baby to be born RIGHT NOW and he tells me this daily. He doesn't understand how very little control I have over the whole thing :)

So, let's play a little game, shall we?

You guess when the baby will be born. Give me dates, times and weights. Whoever is closest will get a prize sometime this year.

I can't promise anything for at least a couple of months you know, I'm going to be busy with a newborn ;)

Me and my boys

So....here are some stats to help you out.

Emma: 37 weeks 3 days, 7 lbs 8 oz., 10:35pm
Seth: 38 weeks 2 days, 9 lbs. 3 oz., 4:59 am
Amelia: 39 weeks 1 day, 7 lbs. 15 oz., 12:06 am
Liberty: 38 weeks 2 days, 8 lbs. 2 oz., 5:25 am

So, what do you think? When will our newest little man make his grand appearance???

Also, due to overwhelming love of my skirt on Facebook, I thought I would give you a heads up about where I got it.

I made it. I know, shocking. When I was pregnant with Libby, I had a brilliant idea, to make myself some skirts with shirred or smocked fabric at the top. I went to Joann fabric and found a few prints I liked. I wrapped it around my belly to figure out how much I needed and had it cut. Then I went home, sewed up the seam and hemmed it to the length I wanted. That was it. Really simple.

I haven't been able to find a great selection at Joann this year, but I found some I love at Hancocks. If you order it online, just measure your belly and go from there. Super easy and OH so comfy!

Angels

2011-04-09T12:31:00.001-05:00

Days after Emma's death, I received this Willow Tree Angel.

This is called Angel's Embrace. My nephew, who was almost 3, looked at it and gingerly touching the head of the baby said, Baby Emma.

I cried.

I cried a lot in those days.

******

I have a curio cabinet in my bedroom and it has sat empty since we moved into our new home. I unpacked her hand and foot molds, her sweet hats and a few other trinkets that reminded me of Emma. But, other than that, it has sat empty.

Today, I opened it up and dusted off the shelves and opened my box of Willow Tree Angels. I unpacked each of my angels and placed them on the shelf. I have done this before. We have moved several times in the last 7 years, so this is not something new.

However, when I got to this angel today, I started to cry. I no longer thought of this being Emma when she died being held by an Angel, but instead, Emma holding her baby brother who is getting ready to come to Earth.

I thought of my sweet girl who is there to see off each of her siblings and cousins as they are coming into the world. I thought of my sweet angel who is there to meet her Great-Grandparents and one day Grandparents as they leave this world.

I thought of my darling daughter. My first born. The one that first made me a Mother.

I thought of her heart and how she must feel watching us here on Earth. How she must feel watching her brother and sisters get hugs and kisses from Jeremy and me. How she must feel not being here, but knowing hers is a bigger mission to fill.

I wonder if she misses us as much as we miss her.

Letters to my Family

2011-04-08T06:00:00.003-05:00

My Dearest Babies,

First off, I am sorry. I am sorry that I am not the nicest person to be around right now. I know that I have been yelling way more than usual and don't have any patience with any of you.

I know that I am not any fun to be with and can't get down on the ground to play games with you. I am sorry.

Mama is really uncomfortable. It is really hard to be pregnant and to navigate my way around all your JUNK all over the house.

I also hurt. It doesn't help that I tripped and fell over all the toys in the girls' room this week, that kind of made it worse.

But, here is the good news. With this bad mood of Mamas, comes her craving for all things junk. That is why the pantry is now stocked with Doritos, Cheetos, Pop Tarts, Oreos and Popcorn. You are welcome.

Please have patience with Mama because she doesn't have patience with anyone and I am sorry.

This will all be over soon, I promise. This baby will be born and then I will be in an Oxytocin induced state of bliss.

I love you all. Even when I am crying and being cranky and just not very nice.

I promise, I love you more than you will ever know.

Love,
Mama

Dear Jeremy,

Just wait. This baby will be here soon and I won't be the raging hormonal mess that you have to put up with right now. I will be a different raging hormonal mess, one that has a baby next to her, not inside of her. You know it gets better.

Thanks for hanging in there with me and enduring the end of my pregnancy well. Because at least one of us should.

I love, love, love you.
Me

These Dreams

2011-04-07T10:03:00.000-05:00

When I am pregnant I have the most vivid dreams. Ok, even when I am not pregnant, I have really vivid dreams, but they take on a whole new life when I am pregnant.

Last night I had a dream about a guy that I had a crush on in high school. I wrote him while he was on his mission for our church, and when he came home we saw each other once and that was it. I never understood it and really, it broke my heart.

I thought in the last 15 years I had gotten over it.

But last night...

Last night I had a dream that we found each other on Facebook and he asked me to marry him in a very sweet elaborate way.

Trouble was, I was pregnant (love when truth seeps into my dreams) and he wasn't active in the church so I knew we couldn't get married in the Temple, something that is very important to me. So, I took the HUGE rock he offered and told him I needed to pray about it.

Then somewhere in that dream, I remembered I was married to Jeremy already. How was this going to work? How could I be married to Jeremy (the man I love and can't imagine one day without) and marry this guy who I used to really care about and was offering a really big diamond? (By the way, I hate big diamonds. I wanted a silver band when I got married, for real).

So, I woke up from my slumber because Libby was crawling into bed with me and I had to go to the bathroom. When I woke up, I was praying. I was actually praying about what to do.

I laughed it off, peed and went back to bed. The dream continued (seriously, only when I'm pregnant!) and we were planning our wedding now. I was trying to figure out what to do that weekend because I had a date with my husband (you know, the one I ADORE) and a date with this new guy.

Again, I started to pray. And woke up to a kiss from my beloved telling me there was a smoothie in the fridge for me, and the dream was done.

This is not the first time I have woken up praying in my dreams. I do it a lot. I do it when Seth is having a hard time at school, when Amelia is struggling with getting along with others, when Libby won't sleep at night...

I wake up praying.

I like that. I like that even in my subconscious sleep, I know that I can lean on my Heavenly Father and He will listen. Even if it is about something completely fictional, and that gives me peace.

Summertime

2011-04-04T12:52:00.001-05:00

It is hot here.

Like going to be 93 this weekend hot. That is July weather in Logan and it is only April here. We are in for it.

Everyday on the way home from school, Seth begs me to let him take off his shirt.

I am the mean Mom who tells him no, you have to stay dressed until we get home.

Tired of listening to his whining, we did something about the heat and this boy.

He is not as unhappy about this as he would have us think

We told him he could have a buzz. He said he wanted his hair to look just like Daddy's. I think we accomplished that, don't you?

My handsome boy


Daddy trying to make himself a "rug" of Seth's discarded hair.

Like Father, Like Son

Plus, now he will stop complaining about being so hot, and I can call him Pedro.

This and That

2011-04-01T08:20:00.002-05:00

**Remember to go enter to win $25 from Fluffy Cheeks Diapers!!!**

You all are so good to me. I am so grateful for all the comments, emails and love I have gotten over the last couple of weeks. To say this transition from home to public school has been difficult would be putting it mildly.

Just this morning, I had to negotiate extra Wii time if he would go to school without fighting me about it. Turns out his teacher isn't the nicest. At least he only has to deal with her for 2 months instead of 9!

I am tired of talking about this particular struggle...so I am done. For now. Promise.

In other news...I am growing a baby, did I tell you that? Well, I am.

Pay no attention to my dirty mirror.

He is really high and in my ribs most of the time....and hitting his head on my pubic bone. It is fun.

If this kiddo follows the pattern of the other 4, he will be here within the next 4 weeks.

FOUR WEEKS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Four weeks...but with my luck it will be 6 or 7. Just seems to be the way things have been going lately.

Again...pay no attention to the dirty mirror. I can't clean it in my current condition

I can't wait to start exercising again. Taking cycling classes and weight lifting classes again. I miss working my body in that way. I just can't do much more than walk right now, and I am tired of it.

But most of all, I can't wait to smell a new baby, feel his soft skin, listen to his sweet baby noises, and kiss his sweet cheeks.

Even if I have to wait 6 weeks, it will be worth it. He will be worth it, and I can't wait!