Getting Ready

First of all, I want to thank you all for your sweet emails the last few days.  I have been so overwhelmed with your kindness and love.

I am feeling better about the baby.  I think it helps that I finished this today.

Cute isn't it??  I love owls, and when I saw this fabric, I knew exactly what had to be done with it.  I started to recover the pink carseat a few weeks ago.  However, while I could have come up with a pattern on my own, sometimes I just like to have had someone else tell me what to do.  So, off to Etsy I went and I found this tutorial!

Really easy to follow, probably even easier if you do what she tells you to by taking pictures of the seat as you are taking it apart though :) heehee.

Anyhoo, I am thrilled to be finished (so is Libby, she likes to sit in it now), and just can't wait to have a wee little babe in it.

Got The Feeling Again

I've had this song going through my head all week, "I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again, all around, trying to get the feeling again..."  Now, yes, it's Barry Manilow, and yes he is talking about being in love, but for me, it's about trying to get excited about this babe.

And guess what?  I've found something that has been working.  Ok, 2 somethings.

1. Getting away by myself for an hour a day.  It might be swimming or yoga at the YMCA, or sewing a new carseat cover.  Just something by myself where I don't have to worry about the other 3 hooligans for a bit.  It's nice.

2.  Shopping for the baby.  Now since things are tight around here, I've been mostly window shopping.  But it's still fun.  And it turns out that after 5 babies, a lot of things are hashed!  So, I may be actually shopping at some point in the not so distant future.

It started the other day when I went to Kohls to get Amelia some new shirts and all the kids some pajamas.  Turns out our year round fleece jammies from Utah just are too hot for this climate.  Who knew?  Anyway, when I was there, I picked up a few shirts and rompers for the baby. They are so cute and small and fun.

Then, I got out all of Seth's baby clothes.  These are things that haven't seen the light of day in almost 7 years.  The kids and I ooh'ed and ahh'ed over how sweet and little they are.

But, the icing on the cake was when I found Baby Earth the other day.  I was looking for some good training undies for Miss Libby and wanted to buy them locally.  So, I was searching online and found this store.  It is minutes from my house, and had exactly what I wanted.

The kids and I went to the store with one purpose and one purpose only, to get training pants.

I did get those, but I also fell in love with SO many baby items, I couldn't even stand it.

First, I found these swaddle blankets from Aden+Anais.  I have never used them, but know that Loralee swears by them, and drooled over hers a bit when her Butterlump was a baby. And she thought it was all his spitup, HA! Fooled her!

 

I was drawn to these because they are made of muslin, and living in a place where Winter lasts about 2 weeks, I need light weight stuff.  So, when I saw these sleep sacks, I almost started doing cartwheels.

Of course, I will need another Miracle Blanket.  I love mine so much and it was SO helpful when Libby was a baby.  And look at this one, in a giraffe print!!!  Be still my heart!

The kids were happily playing with toys in the other room, so I kept looking and dreaming. 

I've said it before, my babies sleep with me a lot, but not all the time.  I have long wanted a baby hammock and when I saw this, I wanted to climb in myself.  What baby wouldn't want to sleep in here??

I saw Robeez, and Robeez, and more Robeez.  Since I have lost my bag of baby socks and all of the Robeez Seth wore, I was really drooling now.  These are all SO cute!!!  But these, are my favorites.  I mean come on, look at those little loafers!

By now, I was getting ready to leave.  Seth had cut his foot (don't ask), and the girls were running around yelling, "Baby!! Baby!! I want this for the baby!!" when this caught my eye.

Now, I am not one for gadgets or anything like that.  My babies sleep with me the majority of the time, and when we're outside, they can be on a blanket in the yard.  At least that was the case in Utah.  Here in Texas it is considerably HOTTER and we have chiggers.  So, having a place where I can put the baby down and he can be protected is really pretty dang cool.

I really am having so much fun dreaming and finding things that I want for the baby.  Even if I don't buy a single thing, I am just really grateful to have found something that has helped me "get that feeling again".

Because really, who can look at this and not be happy?

*Disclaimer: I got nothing for writing this post other than the pure satisfaction of finally being excited about this baby being born. Baby Earth had no idea I was going to write about their store, nor do they even know who I am.  I mean really, who is going to search for PrairieMama?  Anyway, I just really liked that I could find all of those things so close to my house and that I could register for them all online. 

To My Love on Your Birthday

My Dearest,

Today you turn 32.  I can now tease YOU about being into your 30's like you've been teasing me for the last 4 years.

It is amazing to me that when we met and fell in love, I was 24 and you were 22.  It's already been 10 years, where has the time gone?

I am so grateful for you.  I know how lucky I am to have a wonderful husband who helps so much with the kids, cooking, cleaning, rubbing my back and feet, getting out of bed to turn off the light (that is on my nightstand), getting me water when you are already in bed...the list goes on and on and on.

I love how you humor me and do the silly things I ask.  I love that you ran through Central Park in a TUTU with me this summer.  I love that we have the same goals and ideals for our family.  I love that you support me in all my ventures, even if you don't completely understand them.

I love that you love me.

You are amazing.  I am such a lucky woman and am so honored to be yours for-ev-er.

You are my rock.  You are my best friend.  You are the one I want to talk to every time something funny or sad or cool or whatever, happens.

Happy Birthday my dear.

You're my favorite and my best.

Love,

Me.

P.S.  I love you more.

My Confession

The kids are happily coloring.

I am listening to Mumford & Sons.

Quinoa is cooked on the stove waiting for me to make this for dinner tonight.

Baby clothes are washed, folded and put away.

New pajamas for the kids, shirts for Amelia and rompers for the baby are in the wash.

I need to vacuum and dust.

The sun is shining.  It is warm.

All signs point to the fact that I should be so happy.  And I am.

But...

I am not excited about this baby being born.

There I said it.

I feel terrible about it.  I am just not excited to add to the chaos of my life.  I am not excited to have this baby and not have any family here to lend support.

I have always had some kind of family nearby.  And this time, the closest family I have is 12 hours away.  I don't know who will help with my older kids when I am in labor.  They want to see the baby be born, and I want that for them.  But, I need someone to help with them in the mean time.  I don't know who I will call when I go into labor, besides my midwife, to have them come up.  Really, I am missing my sister, Stephanie.  She has been there when all of my babies (minus Amelia as she had an 11 day old babe herself) were born.  I really don't want to do this without her here.

I have a new midwife that I have never used before, and there are unknown variables there too.  It is more expensive here (by a lot) to have a homebirth, so that is stressing me out.

I know how incredibly lucky I am that I am pregnant again.  I know that there are SO many people who would give anything to have this "problem".  To those of you who would give anything to be pregnant, I am so sorry you are not.  I wish I could lend my fertility to each of you.  I really do.

I know what it is like to want with all your heart to want a baby and not have one.  That is how I felt after Emma died.

It's just that right now, at 30 weeks, I desperately want to feel something for this baby.  I want to feel some kind of connection to him.  I want to be excited and I'm not.

I've never felt this way before.  This baby was is SO wanted.  We tried to get pregnant and wanted this.  But, two days after we found out I was pregnant, our lives were turned upside down.

I haven't had a chance to breathe yet.  I haven't had a chance to actually think much about this child who is growing within me.

We went from securely employed and imagining our future in Logan to moving to Austin all within 4 months.  That is a lot to adjust to.

Also, if I am being completely honest, I am scared of having another boy.  Seth was not an easy baby.  He was downright hard.  I never want to relive those early months with him.  He screamed for 8 straight months.  I am scared that because this is another boy, he will be like his brother.

And it wouldn't be bad to be like his brother in some ways, but in others....well, it scares me.

I have had 3 girls, all very different from eachother, so I shouldn't be so worried about this.  I know that every child is different.

This is my last baby too.  I really want to end on a good note, you know?  And, I can't believe I actually just wrote that - it's my last baby.  I really thought I had 2 boys left, but Jeremy is pretty adamant about this being the last one.  So, this is it.

*sigh* pregnancy hormones, lonely feelings, and impending birth will do a lot for ones psyche.  Maybe I'm just doing some mental nesting instead of nesting in my home.  Trying to make sense of it all, trying to adjust my thinking, trying to emotionally prepare for this sweet child.

I just pray in the next 10ish weeks, I can do this.  Because this baby deserves all the love the other 4 have gotten, and I don't want to short change him for one second.

**Comments are closed because this was more an exercise for me.  Also, I had some negative comments on twitter when I mentioned my feelings and I don't need to surround myself with any negativity right now.  Thanks for understanding.

Brothers and Sisters

Dear Miles and Asher,

My Mom told me you're having a baby sister.  I thought, since I have 2 little sisters, I would give you some advice.

When your baby sister is born, she will be very tiny.  You have to watch out for her, so you don't step on her.  She will poop and cry and sleep a lot.  Her first poops will be gross and sticky and you will NOT want to look at them.  They might make you throw up.

As she gets older, she will become funny when she is 2.  She might drag you around the house to where she wants you.  And, my littlest sister always wants to play legos.  And one of my Lego guys she says is HER lego guy.  I don't like that because she also says my Woody and Buzz are also hers.

Until she gets funny, you'll just have to look at how cute she is.

Once she's 4...well, *gulp*, she will be still funny, but still not that funny.  Sometimes 4 year old sisters yell at you like umpteenth times.  My 4 year old sister, Amelia, loves Noah's Ark.  She also loves to watch Veggie Tales with me.  Lord of the Beans and Larry Boy are our favorites.

Some really awesome things about having sisters is that they are crazy.  Amelia is so crazy that she makes her Lego Ninja guy, Kai, love soap.  And, he made a big mess of soap in the lego house once.

Little sisters are really awesome too because they will play legos and star wars with you (only if they like them).

BEWARE!!!  Sisters really like pink and sparkles and Princesses and Ponies.  But, you can play with your transformers and their ponies and barbies at the same time.

Sisters are hilarious.

I know you'll love having a baby sister, even though playing the girlie stuff isn't very fun.

Good luck and if there is too much girlie stuff going on in your house, tell your Mom to help you write me a letter.  I know how to handle girls.

Your Friend,

Seth

And...Amelia's response

Dear Miles and Asher,

Since my big brother wrote about little sisters, I thought I would tell you how to be a good big brother.

Brothers can't yell at their sisters, it makes them cry.

Sometimes your sisters will love Noah's Ark, like me.

Big brothers should be funny and he should tell funny jokes.

Big brothers should always protect their little sisters from mean people.

Big brothers teach you math and how to read.

And they let you have sleep overs in their room.

Sisters like hearts and sparkles and rainbows, get used to it.

Big brothers should always be nice to their little sisters.

Your Friend,

Amelia

New Sponsor :: Fluffy Cheeks Diapers

I have been using cloth diapers for 8 years now.  I can't believe it's been that long.

I started out using prefolds with pins and covers.  Then I graduated to prefolds with snappi's and covers.  I discovered my love of wool early on and have used it since day one.

It wasn't until I was pregnant with Seth, that I was introduced to the "fancy" diapers that are out there.  FuzziBunz were my first foray into the fancy diapering world.  Then I tried Kisssaluvs fitted diapers and Goodmama's fitted diapers.

I love cloth diapers.  I really do.  There are few things I am REALLY passionate about, and cloth diapers are one of them.

That is why I am so excited to introduce you to the newest sponsor on this here bloggity blog.  Tiffany from Fluffly Cheeks Diapers. 

Tiffany and I have been Mamas for the same amount of time, but our journey to cloth diapering has been a bit different.

I had my first daughter 8 years ago.  At the time, we lived in a high rise apartment building with a laundry room, so cloth diapers never even crossed my mind.  Plus, the only thing I had ever heard of regarding cloth diapers with pins and plastic pants like my mom used in the 70's, and I was not at ALL interested. 

Around the same time I had my 2nd child, my son, there were 2 girls at church using FuzziBunz.  I saw them and was immediately interested.  I went home and told my husband that I thought we should use cloth.  He was less than supportive, thought it would be too much work, didn't like the upfront cost, etc. 

Besides, disposables had worked fine so why would we switch?  I gave up on the idea, but it always nagged at the back of my mind.  My son had much more sensitive skin than my daughter, and it seemed that he ALWAYS had a diaper rash.  I spent a lot of money on creams, and his little bum was always red, sometimes to the point of rawness and bleeding.  For some reason, though, although I had the desire to use cloth, I had never heard of the
health benefits of cloth.  I had always heard how much money I would save, how it's better for the environment, etc., but I had never heard how much better it was for the baby's bum.  Well, about a year ago, I had my 2nd daughter, and by this point, I was firm in my resolve to cloth diaper her.  I had done my research and knew of the health benefits.  

I thought about how careful I am about what I put in the mouths of my babies, and wondered why I had never done enough research about what I was putting on their skin.   I immediately switched over to cloth. 

Tiffany has recently opened up her online shop and hopes someday to have a Brick and Mortar.  Fluffy Cheeks carries all kinds of diapers - prefolds, fitteds, all in ones, and pocket diapers.

They really make an effort to be mindful of what Mamas want when cloth diapering, and are going to be adding to their store as they grow.

They even offer pros and cons of each of the diapering options.  This is something that I think is vital for folks who are new to cloth diapering.  I so wish I had something like this when I started using cloth.

I am so excited to have Fluffy Cheeks advertising on my site.  I try really hard to only accept advertising that will be useful to my readers, and I know you all will love her store.

As a hello to all of you from Fluffy Cheeks, they are offering 10% anything on their site until February 28!  Just enter the coupon code PRAIRIEMAMAFAN. 

Homeschool...it's not so bad. (at least this week)

Here are some things I love about Homeschool:

Doing his reading work in the fort

Teaching Amelia to read "ot" words

I love the freedom it provides.  I love that we get our work done, but on our own schedule.  I love that Seth is teaching Amelia the things he is learning.  I love that he is LEARNING and having so much fun doing it.

I love that this week, it is working.  I know next week it might not, but this week, I am loving it.

:::

Thank you so much for all of your comments and emails about my lonely post.  It always amazes me how many of us feel the same way.  How often we feel so isolated, yet if we just look around and vocalize our feelings, we find others who are in the same boat.

Thank you all for loving me and reminding me that I am SO not alone.


*Remember to go enter to win a pampering package from Kleenex!!

29 Weeks

29 Weeks, originally uploaded by PrairieMama.

This post is brought to you by the number 29 and the letter W -- you know, for whale!

10ish weeks to go!

Be sure to go enter to win my great giveaway from Kleenex and get pampered a bit :)

Finding my Place

I am trying.

Trying to find where I fit here.

Find my place, my people, where I belong.

I haven't yet though.

I have one friend here and she is fantastic.  She watches my kids, listens to me whine, and is just fun to be around.

But, we are busy and see each other maybe once a week, but usually less.

::::

This town is HUGE.

I am used to my small sleepy town of Logan.  I am used to it taking 5 minutes to get anywhere in town.  Instead it takes me 5 minutes just to get out of the subdivision!

I am used to small schools and small class sizes.

I found out this week that there are 10 Kindergarten classes of 25 students each in the elementary school up the road.  That is SO big.  Too big for this small town girl.

Maybe homeschool is the answer for us for a bit longer?  I just don't know.

::::

I am trying, trying, trying.

I a going, going, going.

Swim lessons, dance classes, swim lessons again, park days, the gym, homeschool, sewing, gestating, loving on these little people.

There isn't much time for anything other than going.

::::

I am going, going, going because I am lonely lonely lonely.

I am a very social creature and now all the sudden, the only people I have to be social with are my 3 small people and my darling husband.  And while they are all wonderful....a girl needs her girlfriends.

I know it will come.

I know I will find my place and will love this place.

But for now...


it is just hard.

Priceless

Tickets for the Daddy Daughter Dance - $20

Fabric for a Dress made by Mama - $18

A night out for a Princess and her Daddy - Priceless

**Remember to go enter my giveaway for your own priceless moment!** 

Softness Worth Sharing :: Giveaway

***WINNER***

My friends at Random.org have chosen lucky #23 as the winner!!

Alisha Whitfield said...

Just sent it to my sister who has 5 children ages 7 & below. I bet she can def. Use some :)

February 20, 2011 9:31 PM

Alisha - email me your info and we'll get this sent out to you :)  Congrats!!

Thanks everyone for entering and stay tuned for more AWESOME giveaways coming up soon!!!!!

I want to tell you a little bit about how I got to go to Blissdom this year.

You may remember this post where I delighted in my sheer luck of being able to go.

I was not planning it.  I was not trying to get there.  It really just fell in my lap.

And I am so grateful.

I am so grateful to the wonderful folks at Kleenex who saw something in this little blogger.  Who saw something that they felt was worth sharing with others.  Who saw something in me, and in turn in each of you.

Kleenex has had a campaign this winter called, Softness worth Sharing.  Apparently they felt that my softness (and not just that in my behind) was worth sharing with all of Blissdom.

Kleenex had such an amazing booth on the expo floor.  A chance for every woman there to think of someone she loved and to decorate a special box for them.

If I could decorate a special box for each of you it would say how much I love and appreciate each of you and be filled with goodness to pamper you.

So, with the help of Kleeex, I did!

Each of you has a chance to win this spa escape gift basket.

All you need to do to enter is go to Kleenex and send a share package of tissue to someone you love.  That's it.  Do that, let me know you did and watch the love spread!!!

If you want additional entries, you can tweet about this, including me in your tweet, or put it on your facebook wall.
Leave a comment for each entry.

Contest will end on Monday February 21 at 9 PM CST.

Good luck and have fun!

*Kleenex sent me to Blissdom and showed me a fabulous time. However, the words and sentiments are all mine.

And Today I Am 34

Today is my birthday.  I've said it before, and I will say it again, this is my favorite day of the year.

While I will still be doing school, doing dishes, changing diapers, washing laundry, diffusing fights, drying tears, and kissing owies, it is still my favorite day.

I love my birthday.

Mostly because I think I love my life.

I love my family.

I love my friends.

I am so blessed.

So, happy 34th to me.

It's going to be another great year, because I want it to be.

Sometimes

Sometimes life is just too full

too hectic

too crazy

too perfect

too much

And you find you just have to slow down.  Sew your daughter a dress for the Daddy Daughter dance, take pictures and soak in each of these little people you've been blessed with.

Sometimes that is just what we have to do.

That is what I am doing.

Life is a Special Occasion

How often have you thought that life is a special occasion?  If you're like me, not much.

I mean really, how is changing poopy diapers, making breakfast, lunch, dinner and a thousand snacks in between and then cleaning up all those messes, doing yard work, running errands, vacuuming, dusting and every other thing in between, a special occasion?

I think it's the moments we find in those moments that make life so special.

Saturday was a typical Saturday around here.  Sewing, cleaning, grocery shopping, cleaning, playing and more cleaning.

Jeremy decided to clean out the van, and by clean it, I mean he detailed it.  Took out all the seats and cleaned it.  That could have been the end, but my sweet boy saw something completely different.  A stage.

 

A seemingly ordinary moment of detailing out the car, became something special.

At Blissdom, Hallmark was there and introduced their newest campaign, Life is a Special Occasion.  I love this so much.  Since then, it has gotten me thinking about the special occasions in my life that happen everyday.

When my children give me spontaneous hugs and kisses and "I love you's".  When they play with each other without fighting.  When my sweet husband does the dishes and gets the kids ready for bed so I can work (or relax).

What are some special  occasions in your life that you might be overlooking?  How is life a special occasion for you?

I really want to know, what are we missing by not paying attention?

While at Blissdom, Hallmark also gave me a coupon code I could share with all of you.  This is good for 30% off of anything in their online store - Bliss30.

**Disclosure - Hallmark gave me nothing to write this post.  I just really love their new campaign and wanted to get my readers thinking about what constitutes a special occasion for them.

Striving for Perfection

I sat in the crowded room with some of my favorite people, who just happen to be bloggers.  We were discussing the opening keynote address by Brene' Brown this morning.  As we munched on our fajita's and mango mousse cake, we talked about how we try so hard to be perfect. 

We try so hard to be everything to everyone.  I sat listening.  I was listening with my head and my heart.  I was realizing I am not alone in this feeling of complete inadequacy.

We are all striving for perfection.  We all want to be perfect, but at what cost?

Some of us stay up all night long just so we can get everything done for the next day.  Some of us feel that if we don't have the clean house, perfect meal on the table, well behaved children, smart well rounded children, if we don't bake our own bread, make our own pasta, eat 100% local and organic, sew ours and our children's clothes, knit all of our socks, volunteer our extra time, AND look like we just walked out of an Anthropologie ad - we aren't enough.

There is an all or nothing idea we have.  If we aren't doing it all, we aren't doing anything.

This isn't true though.  I sat there listening to these women who I so admire, and felt that familiar ache in my heart.  The one I feel when my children are feeling bad about something.  The one I feel when I hear Seth tell me that he isn't good enough for something.

I looked at them and said, "You realize that there was only 1 perfect person to walk the earth, and it isn't us right?"

As I said those words, it was as if God was speaking directly to me at that moment.  The words I needed to hear, to remind me that I am not supposed to be perfect, just to do the very best I can and remember that He will pick up the rest.

After I left lunch, I went and bought Brene' Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection.

I want to be imperfect and learn everything I can from that.  I want to rely on God to help me when I can't do it all.

I want my children to realize they don't have to be everything to everyone.  That what they can offer when they try their hardest, is enough.

I want for every one of my children to realize that they are enough.

I am going to continue to strive for perfection, but I am also going to cut myself some slack and remember that I am not perfect, but what I am is enough.

I am enough.  And so are you.

Finding my Bliss

Coming home from Blissdom, I have had a lot to think about.  What am I?  Am I a writer, a creator, a business woman, just another Mama blogger?  What do I want this space to be?  What do I want my Etsy shop to be?  Like I said, no lack of things to contemplate.

As is normal for me, I took virtually NO pictures the entire time.  I was too busy learning, laughing, enjoying the company of friends and sleeping.  Yes, sleeping.

Turns out if you go to a conference when you are 26 weeks pregnant, you will be VERY tired and crave your bed a lot.

I attended a lot of writing workshops, hoping to improve my skills and keep you fabulous people entertained and reading.

I am going to put the things I learned into practice and instead of giving you a boring blow by blow of what I did...here is my top 10 list of Blissdom.

10. When going to Blissdom beware of the feeling of being outside.  You are not actually outside when staying at the Gaylord Opryland hotel, you WILL need to step out into the cold for fresh air.

9. Remember to bring your laptop.  If you don't you will have to rely on the kindness of your roommate to get your work done (ahem, Loralee).

8. Have a goal in mind for what you want to learn.  There are always more workshops you want to attend than you can.  

7. Try not to get overwhelmed by all the information you will receive.  Take notes, absorb as much as you can, and be sure to have some knitting and/or chocolate to get you through.

6. Pack light so you have room to take home all the chocolate you will abscond from the registration desk.

5. Find all the other pregnant ladies and get a belly shot.

4. Find your best friends and love on them lots.  If you don't, you will regret it when you get home.

3. Put yourself "out there" to make new friends.  You will be so happy you did when you start laughing so hard your sides hurt and you think you're going to wet yourself.

2. Take naps when you need to.  But be sure that you don't sleep through the closing keynote because when you do you will feel like CRAP.  Then when you learn you missed the FLASH MOB you will cry for weeks to come.

1. Thank those who sent you to the conference PROFUSELY and thank your lucky stars daily that you were able to go and soak in all the Bliss.

Even though I don't have any pictures to show for it, I had a fabulous time.  Thank you again to Kleenex for sending me to Blissdom and helping me find my Bliss.

Best Part of Leaving

Is coming home to these guys.

Happy February 1st to all of you.  This is my favorite month because not only is it the month for LOVERS, but it is the month of my birth (10 days folks!!!!) and of Jeremy.

I LOVE THIS MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have much to say about my amazing time at Blissdom, but these sweet little people pictured above have wanted my non-stop attention since I came home on Saturday.  So, I am giving it to them, and posting with Libby sitting on my lap.

Much to say, not enough time to say it.  Isn't that the story of our lives???